All Comments on 'Firsts Ch. 01'

This story had me hooked.

I really enjoyed how you built the charactor profiles, and eased the situation into the story, you didnt overdo it with backstory, and you let things take their course. Telling it from the girl's point of view is a bit different, not many stories i have read do that, and i actually really liked it.

There was some good humor in there, which was nice, it wasnt just a sex story, but it was more like an account of what happened, told from memory, and allowing for personality. Not just a narration of events.

You put it in different sections, Kiss, violence, etc. (cant remember them all), im not a huge fan of this, i find it tends to cut the larger story into smaller, less segnificant parts, but you didnt do that (as much), and it sort of added to the story. Im still not a fan of it, but it didnt take away from the peice, so its all good.

I also found it amazing how you were able to get the hero(s) off without full intercourse, and yet the story was not lacking in events or detail. Somthing i have not seen a lot of, and i really apprieciated it (but dont let it get too far!)

""Glad I could be of service Princess," He angrily growled as I reached the first step. He only called me Princess when he was pissed at me, but I wasn't hanging around to ask him about it."

This sort of confused me... why would he call her princess if hes angry? And why is he angry? sort of threw me off... i spent more effort thinking about why he said that than concentrating on the story.

Also, the ending totally blew me away! i read that and thought "WHAT?!?" She is totally into him! She wants him soo bad, yet she cant admit it to herself because she values her friendship and doesnt want to screw it up, and because it would be awkward with her brothers there. Its left wide open for a sequel, and i look forward to reading it.

All in all, i would give it 10/10. well written, good story flow, not too long, not too short, kept me rivited, and demands moar. Well done!

(the preview isnt showing line spaces, sorry if its all getting clumped together)

I loved it too, how personal it was. Hot as hell and hurry with the next chapter! I did think there was a little too much backstory, only a little in the beginning of each section, but it didn't matter. I tend to do it too. Maybe I'm just in a rush to get to the good stuff when I'm reading. ;)

Really well done!

Very well done! Please oh please continue with it! and soon!

Pretty damn good for a first effort. Time for chapter 2.

it's ok but much to be desired. Well written a few spelling errors I give the story an overall grade of "C". Very "Dry"

at times. Next story need a "pick-me- up" Otherwise it will be "dullvilles". Better luck next time.

Nice slow build - don't be tempted to take it too far in Ch. 2 - the best stories have setbacks and misunderstandings before the end. It just makes it better.

Hurry and get chapter two going!

your writiing style. Csnnot wait to read more.

This was very good and could be made better by showing your editor the changes she hasn't seen yet. Its the wrong words spelled right that cause a break in the flow you wanted but couldn't overcome.<P>

Other than that - grow - make mistakes - learn your audience's interests and concerns or hang ups. Decide early on to want constructive comment but discard [but don't delete] those negative ones without a point without taking offence.<P>

Quite a good start milady especially writing about but from within another land.<P>

With High Regard

hope to read more from you.

First, let me applaud you for taking the time to get an editor before submitting. I don't know what your first draft looked like, I don't care. The end result was a well-polished piece well worth the ratings you're getting so far. Keep it up. I, for one, didn't mind the extra effort the author made to provide the backstory. As long as it helps the reader to understand the characters and contains mostly pertinent information, I don't think it's overkill. The most important thing I think I can say about this story is that every single action was consistant with what we knew of the characters so far. It may sound redundant, but the characters stayed in character. There's no faster way to kill a story for me than poor grammar or spelling and shy virgins that act like outright whores 5 minutes after meeting someone. There are authors that will try to take us from point A to point B without doing the footwork to make it believable. I am happy to see TheKiss is not one of them. Outstanding first effort. Looking forward to hearing a lot more from this one.

I cannot wait to find out what happens next between these two. Kesare and Gabriel are great characters and the pace of the story is moving along nicely. I hope you will continue writing soon.

aaahhh where is the rest of it? great story and captivating as hell..plz write more, like yesterday:P..hope u post more soon..

This is a very good story, I hope you will continue this soon as it will be interesting to see what happens next with the characters.

Well done and thank you.

Please finish the story!

loved it!loved it!loved it! please don't keep us waiting too long for the next chapter!!!!

I can't wait to red more of this wonderful sory!

I loved it so far. I can't wait to see what else you have in store for these two.

I really look forward to Kes working at the tattoo parlor. That will be nifty, especially if Gabe shows up for one... ;-)

especially for a first timer.

I have to say that your story interested me from the beginning. The characters are very well thought out and I like that you took your time to develop the story. I look forward to reading more of your work!

love the 1st ch. i have read comments in ch5 before i started reading, so i hope that you continue on with ch6 & 7 soon so i wouldn't wait so long. :D again, lovely chapter.

very believable, excellent characterization, very sweet

Thoroughly enjoyed the style and development of your story. Well done. You have a new fan.

this is amazing

awesome story ...... finely built and most important thing I liked about this chapter is the representation of girls feelings and her insecurities.

guys never forget that these feelings are to be treasured and to be handled sensitively.

Loved it.

I like this story so much!

Your story is amazing, and the similarities to my own story (for real) have got me gobbling up every word and screaming "precisely!!" to my computer at intervals.

You rock.