All Comments on 'Fishing for a Day...With a Twist'

Believe it or not, you could have a beter ending

Notwithstanding the previous comment about a "beter" ending, I think you put a lot into a one-page story. Yes, something else at the end would have been better, but hey - it is the first submission! Read any classic short short story and the end always has some unexpected twist. Other advice is lose 10 pounds. At 5' 5" your BMI is at the high end of normal and 122 puts you into the slim, trim and hot range of normal. (It is fiction after all. No diet required.) My favorite line was "I realized my boobs were doing weird things when I cast the line out." Great opening for some devilish thoughts to appear. Finally, you include conversation as something reported rather than actual dialogue. The element of conversation gives insights to thoughts and feelings of characters which is really good, but writing actual dialogue is hard work but it reads better and is more effective in connecting the character to the mind of the reader. You have a great character here who is thoughtful and free spirited and I hope to read more about her.

This area of erotica could use more good writers. I enjoyed your post and hope that you write some more. You are welcome to use one of my experiences = I had a short, heavy female room renter and about 2am she came into the kitchen where I was wearing just a tank top. We had a nice conversation about the hot weather as she slyly checked out my semi-hard dick. Nothing was said about my dick as it became very hard. We parted and it became almost a nightly ritual and I exposed more and more of myself and we talked about everything except my nudity. We both enjoyed it, she loved to look and I loved to show. Eventually it became too much and we broke it off.

This kind of story needs more chapters!