by JimBob44
Damn that was good. I LOVED every page. A few very minor spelling issues that are totally trivial. Excellent character development. Good in-depth plot. Decent sex scenes. Seriously impressed. His telling Robins folks his story was very very well done. Hanks reaction was a surprise tho. WOW. As a great man ( R Lee Ermy) said OUTFUCKINGSTANDING. A rare (for me anyway)4 stars.
DragonRider55 Ret USAF
That was one of my favorites. Touching Sunday dinner scene. Touché.*****
There was just the right amount of tension, of a first love and a teen pulling himself out of the ashes of an abusive home. Love the sister character too, she should have her own story!
Thanks JimBob!
About time you got recognition you deserve. Obviously the six previous comments know a good story when they see it. Unlike the many trolls who usually bash you just because they don't like how you write in the south Louisiana vernacular, or something equally trivial. You are one of the few reasons I even come back to Lit. Take to heart what I, and the other six, just said. You are the man! As was previously said, in the words of the late great R. Lee Ermey, outfuckingstanding!
that I think you just can't out-do yourself again, you prove me wrong!
This is another 5-star effort.
Thank you for taking the time to share your wonderful skillset with us!
That was sweet. Enough conflict for a believable teenaged relationship, and it felt like they earned their happy ending.
Felt more like a Romance than an Erotic Coupling, though.
Excellent story! I’m a fifty something year old man and you had me excited and crying all at the same time. Please keep on writing. I look for a story from you everyday!
I don't know what else to say. I loved this story and just everything about it was just perfect. Hope they make it.
You've scratched at what could be a most continually increasing look at the joy of living...underdogs making their way into and thru a world that's all too often like some of Randy and Hank's families. At some point would enjoy your input on my works. Keep up the good work....
Fine short story. Quickly developed characters we care about; gave them enough conflict to lead to satisfying resolution. Your stories have created a wonderful small world that your faithful readers can explore.
I do hope your writing returns to you some portion of the pleasure it brings to many of us.
Great story as always Jimbob. I was almost expecting you to continue that line with 'Her panties followed, hitting the floor with a wet slap.' Missed opportunity, man, but I expect it might have spoiled the tenderness of the moment. If you ever use it, please credit me by name. That's A-N-O-N-Y-M-O-U-S, ok? Please keep up the good work, hear?
But you made my eyes tear up just the same. Great job, bro. Love the little world you created.
My only complaints:
1. There were too many characters for me to remember who was who (although this may say more about my aging memory than it does about your writing...), and
2. I thought you kind of overdid it with the Ebonics/AAVE dialog. It seemed...forced, I guess. But what do I know about it? I'm an old white guy, so I might not recognize authentic AAVE dialog if it came up and bit my nose.
Keep hoping your craft, though. I'm confident that you'll only get better at it.
-Rei
I would be wary of Robin's sense of entitlement before committing to a long-term relationship, though. Seems like she's a bit more flash than substance....
Thanks for another delightful read!
as far as i'm concerned, this is probably one of your best stories. it's right up there with "Righting A Wrong". many thanks.......
Well done...but then I would not expect anything less from you!
I have got to agree you tell a great story that feels like real life and every day ups and downs. Thank You and keep writing.
You may not be the best 'writer' on the site in regards to actual prose, but you easily are the best storyteller and one of my personal favorite authors here on Lit.
Almost every time I read one of your works, even the ones I would normally skip due to category were they from another scribe, I am both awed and depressed by your seeming ease at making a living, breathing world full of believable characters. Honestly, I envy how well you craft the people in your stories. Even the 'villains' tend to be fleshed out, with realistic motivations and goals.
I know you catch a lot of flack over your dialogue and composition, but I say fuck the people who nitpick. My best guess is that they know, deep down, that they will never be able to spin a yarn as well as you do, regardless of their technical writing skills.
Thanks for telling me another story.
Another excellent tale from JB. ***** Thank you for it, and I wouldn't mind reading another tale about this couples future.
It took a while to learn your style, but it’s the characters which really shine. Great work, hope to read some more.
I love your stories, always have, always will, this one being no exception. Beautiful! Now to the nag...when are you going to write the story of the black girl/white cop we met in "Honey, Sweetty, etc" story???????????
The only way I would eat a salad when I was a kid. Fresh garden greens with sliced radish in it. Get the salt and hot grease right , they are delicious. Thanks for the story. I like the region you write about . I'm from North East Texas But do not know any of these places, if they are real. Thanks though.
These are the kinds of stories I like reading from you. Keep up the good work!
Love the details! Stories make it seem like you are in the same room with them as it is occurring.
Darned , you missed getting Robin fucked in the butt, but that might be coming as
she will surely be a good butt for at least one?
Jb you have trained us too well, it's practically a conditioned reflex now, finish one of your stories, clicking on five stars.
Thank you for one more wonderful story.
Another great story about regular people getting though their lives. I really do enjoy your work and for the New Jersey guy, you down home Louisiana references are a load of fun.
PLEASE keep up the great work!!!
Happy New Year!!!!
JB, your writing is excellent. How you can write erotica and have me caring about your characters is marvelous. Thanks for all your work.
Cheers,
Fred
Great story, loved how the new boy got the girl and how he didn't stoop to bragging about his conquest. Loved how sugar doodle's (gigglenorts) dad had a bad past too. No one has a perfect life from the get go. No life is ever perfect, but you can be perfectly happy with the one you make for yourself.
Chiara23
I have read this story more times than I can remember. When I need a feel good story, this is one I fall back on. Since 5* is max allowed, that will have to suffice.
Thanks for all your stories , some even bought me to tears and I am a 67 old man so we know they are strong feelings, please keep writing .
With all his misfortune, Randy is very fortunate to have the sister, her friends, and girlfriend's parents to support him. While this story is fiction, there are many instances where it is very close to true. Thank you for the story. 5*
Truth has a way of opening things wide. I loved how his sister was such a realist and taught him the value of truth. I also enjoyed the subtle inner struggle he had with the example his father had set. We all learn from demonstration and then sometimes have to unlearn those things. Damn my parents for the way I am. Damn me if I stay that way. Great story! Perfect ending.
Good story, a few realisms in there for good measure and for some reason the dust seems to have gotten in my eyes somehow…..
Thanks for writing and posting, cheers Ppfzz.
This would have been better if Robin had been a more likable character. Referring to another girl as “zit monster” proves how disrespectful & petty she is.
Man, I'm a big fan of your stories. You are my favorite Literotica's author. English isn't my language. Forgive any mistake. I don't use Microsoft corrector.
Another 5-star, real-people story. Thank you, JimBob for giving us these great reads.
Randy has got to get some new friends. Freaking dumbasses who even for teenage boys are immature.
Thanks for taking it in a different direction than I thought it was going. Great read.
Well written from the story standpoint. Happy ending for people we rooted to win.
Editing DOES need some help...giving a warning it will be bad is just an excuse to be lazy.
This would be a five star story with proper editing.
A fine uplifting story of overcoming tragic circumstances and finding acceptance and love in the process. Thank you.