All Comments on 'Flash into View'

Was he in the Flash Lane?? Thanks for the read.

These are all great little stories.

She made a fool of him. He was drunk but swore her actions wouldn't get to him. He crashed his car and put himself in the hospital while drunk, mooning over her. So apparently she did (get to him). Happens a lot. Probably some tramp cheats and breaks some guys heart all the time. So where's the rest, what's the point?? Only part of a story.

Such a well written story right up until the end--and I use the term loosely. Even a flash story deserves to have an end. It's one of the 3 things that defines a story, a beginning, a middle, and an END.

You had 5 going until you simply stopped writing, then it turned into a 2. If this is your idea of a story I will not bother to read anymore of yours. Thanks for wasting my time.

blah blah blah that is all your 'flash' stories are.

Where's the actual story? Where's the end? What happens? Sorry, as is, this is pretty bad.

As others have pointed out a flash story has a beginning, middle, and end. This has a beginning and maybe part of the middle. As is it's unfinished. Take it back to draft.

to much cunt in the world to worry about one

Folks. Drinking and driving does not mix. Sometimes there is a story behind driving while intoxicated .

The BITCH should be the one in the near fatal accident as she chase after him when she finds out hubby wittiness her betrayal. Now the wife gets to suffer mentally and emotionally for the physical and emotional pain she caused her husband.

Now I wonder how the family see the ex bf. Will they still have good relationship with him? I think not.

Why was he headed east up 101? 112 to the Sunrise would have been faster to go west to Farmingdale. His DWI will do more damage to his life than a cheating girlfriend/wife. He would have been better off bitch slapping Miguel, spitting in Maria's face in front of her family and taking the harassment charge if it ever came. Self control is key.

You got to stop this flashing and start finishing. These could be good tales.

no rating

I agree with the others, this story does not make it as a flash.

We need to see Maria's reaction and what happens to them.

Minor point, they were engaged and living together, not yet married.

Still a cheating bitch, and I agree with the comment that SHE should be the one in the accident chasing after him, hopefully paralyzed for life!

This is a sad story...she cheates and the one to be punished is the cheated....

We had a drunk jilted male who saw his girl with another drive off drunk and not thinking clearly go off the road and crash into someone's house. End of story. Now you should finish the rest of this story. He is charged , looses his license , loses his job, loses his girl, no explanation. Etc. yet this happens every day in some lives

Sorry, but these "flash stories" are nothing but an excuse for lazy writing. You have a seed of an idea for a story, but you're too lazy to flesh it out, so you post a partial story and call it a "flash." I don't see the point.

How dare the author post such a totally incomplete tale. In fact not even partially complete. Well, author, you know my feelings on this. Could of been a very good tale if not left hanging. Maybe you oughta e-mail "Finish The Damn Story" and ask that author to complete it.

Posted a day later than expected, but glad it's up.

OK - short comments. First, it's a story. Relax. Second, I'll bet you can toss a wet sponge into a crowd and easily hit anyone who ever had a significant other drive off drunk and angry because their partner was being an ass at a party. Third, there is bitching if the stories are long, bitching if they're short, bitching if a guy is a wimp or a woman doesn't get raped by a cattle prod. Chillax people - story. There will always be stories people like and those that they don't, just don't get all worked up over it. As for my writing, they sound like real life, that's the plan - but at the end - just a story.

If you don't like them, that's ok. If you do like them, that's ok. If you are "meh", that's ok too.

As for this one, based on real life guy I know and a headline on the news I heard just last week.

Working on my next story - no, won't be a flash - back to something longer and multi-chapter.

Thanks to everyone for your votes and comments.

-V

I don't think some of the commenters understand what a Flash story is. It's not a long, complete story. It's meant to be just a part of the story. You clearly inform everyone to expect this.

Would I like to see more of what happens? Definitely! But I'm not going to whine about it given that the author set our expectations from the beginning.

Great FLASH story. Would love to see an expanded full story of the aftermath later on.

Thanks!

but why take his car to a party he was drinking at and the growing up part i think he needs some help.

It held my interest got me involved with the characters and I appreciated the story progression. 5*

Great story until you stopped

...but don't appreciate 1/2 stories.

2 stars, where I would have liked 2 1/2 stars, exactly half of 5.

I like flash stories that give the reader enough to infer what led up to the story and what happens next. Although well-written and providing some details about the characters, I don't see how you can expect us to predict what happens next: was she blackmailed or was she just giving a goodbye handjob? Or was she looking for some extra action B4 her upcoming marriage? Etc.

This was and wasn't fun, but it was a...

Allow me to gab.

The story was easy and fun to read, very enjoyable, and typically what a high strung young man might do in that situation.

The story wasn't fun because he crashed into someone's house and somebody's little kid almost got hurt. Our author could have had him smash into a tree or a pole or anything else.

But it was still a five because I had to look up a word on Google, which is always neat to do. Plus, I thought he lived to learn some valuable lessons like; don't get drunk and drive, and he found out about his fiance before he married her.

Thanks Vanadorn! Just keep the crashes clean next time.

And...most likely did not want to know.

Just another idiot gets drunk and loses control of his car and and almosthit an innocent family.

Probably one of many possible filler stories from the SLUMS always available on weekends.

Life goes on

EXCELLENT flash story

NOT an autobiography but something to expect for tv news...probably short interview of family that was hit with high lites of home damage and shot of badly mangled car so the tv reporter can make point about driving drunk...and show how "wrong side of town" is only good for filler drama

this would have been enough:

Hello this is Erin Colton for News 12. Last night around 10 PM in Patchogue, Carlos Martinez, 25 of Farmingdale, drove his Honda Accord through the back of this house, owned by Lester and Alice Schmidtt, that butts up against busy Route 101. According to Suffolk Police we have learned that based upon the skid patterns on the roadway leading up to the accident, Mr. Martinez had to be driving in excess of 20 miles per hour over the speed limit. He was found alive but in serious condition behind the wheel with a blood alcohol level of .19; that is more than twice the legal limit. And as you can see from the path of destruction behind me, he's lucky to be alive. From Patchogue, this is Erin Colton for News 12 Long Island. Back to you in the studio.

drunk asshole who cant handle his drinking, vrs a cheating slut. drunk drivers should loose their license for a couple years first offense, second offense for life. now this dumbass gets to spend time in jail. he shouldve just beat the shit out of the slut and her ex boyfriend. if your gonna go to jail at least have the satisfaction.

Sometimes in our lives we get a brief glimpse of what is happening in other people's lives and a lot of times we aren't satisfied with what we see or hear. It is either something that we disapprove of or it is because the glimpse didn't satisfy our curiosity. That's life and of course most of us wouldn't handle a situation like the people involved would. I think that Carlos was a confused young man who was trying hard to overcome his environment growing up. I think Maria was a slut who was missing the bad old days. I used to work with a bunch of Hispanic women who were married and had stable families. All of them were married to Anglo men and sometimes at lunch they would sit around and complain about how they missed the passion and the uninhibited men they had dated or been married to before. The same guys that got them pregnant in high school and couldn't or wouldn't hold a job and who drank up all of the money the girl friends made and beat them bloody when they complained. They married the stable men to have a home life for the vato's children but between work and the disrespect shown by the wives the husbands didn't have the "passion" they longed for. I am sure that it is across the racial and ethnic boundaries but this is the only example I ever actually saw. Fits with this story anyway. Carlos and Maria were totally mismatched it would seem as to the goals and expectations that they had for the future. Too bad he ran over the house and nearly hurt the family but stuff like that happens more than you think and for similar reasons.

I would have grabbed the bastard and cut his throat and then pinned her hand to his dick with the knife. That way the family would have be clear on what happened and why. Gone to jail? Sure I would have but the ex-boyfriend wouldn't have cared and the family would have no reason for vendetta. Good story, lot of emotion below the surface that can only be guessed at.

Vanadorn, You do a great job in capturing the emotion and angst of the moment.

It's well done and like the reader is transported there. Felt very bad for the Carlos because he made some awful decisions but at least he lived. She can rot in purgatory.

let alone a story...

This is a good story, read it well, zed0, then start writing.

I don't like these so called flash tales. It seems a good excuse not to finish a story. I know some of you like them but I feel let down by the ending on every one of these that I have read. It's just not my cup of tea.

This one needs an ending. This maybe I am just more invested in this one than the previous ones, but I really would like to know what comes next. Hopefully the author will see fit to pick this back up and continue.

but have to give it a 2 star bc like others have said... its an incomplete story any way you look at it. Could have ended it with either him dying or summary of what transpired after the incident.

And you have written what. With your anonymous moniker you could claim to be anyone and to have written anything. But the sad truth is we will never know because you along with thousands of others can't be troubled to sign your work.

It's frustrating with the thousands of potential Anonymous personalities posting that no real dialogue can can be established. It's like trying to exchange ideas with Sybil.

The rest of us are anonymous ourselves but at least we have handles. You know, Zed may have written scores of stories under a different nome d' porn and we would never know.

darn fongers

to be a FLASH story.

Well done, but the old show biz mantra of "..always leave them wanting more.." is tough in a story with many options and avenues.

Well done 5*

As others have said, it left far too much undone. Do you want Maria to redeem herself somehow? Do you want Miguel to pay? If so, how? Here are a few suggestions.

Redemption #1. Carlos needs a kidney due to the accident. Maria learns she is an ideal donor. Carlos doesn't know Maria saved him until he is well into his recovery.

Redemption #2. Maria was being blackmailed by the scumbag. Did Miguel threaten to expose pictures Maria didn't know about? Was he threatening to steal (or rape) her little sister or Carlos's little sister if she didn't cooperate?

Revenge #1. Carlos has lots of cousins, and with Carlos recovering in the hospital (perfect alibi) Miguel gets a late-night visit, and he will never be able to have sex with any woman again. And, he is left with a face so scarred, no woman would want to.

Revenge #2. Miguel is stopped, and found to have several child porn pics hidden in his car. Miguel learns that, in prison, child molesters are the lowest of the low in prison, and the prisoners get plenty of revenge for Carlos....and send him pictures of the final result. Once again, when Miguel gets out of prison in 2-5 years, no woman will want him.

Any way you cut it, there needs to be a chapter 2 for this story to rate more than a 2 or 3.

Good, but only 3 stars for the incomplete story.

Way too involved establishing proto-hubby as drunk!

Erotic? As minimal as possible!

Chicken-shit to not have offed the dangerous (fictional) driver with on one of the fence stakes through the left eye (or, maybe the right ... let readers decide at the end!)

3* but really would like an ending!

In a few hundred words, you were able to make us care about this person, make us hate the cheaters, while at the same time, leaving a small hint that all was not as it seems

And then...

And then...

Well, and then nothing.

A flash isn't a story, and it doesn't need to have a beginning, middle and end, but it needs an IDEA.

The only idea I can parse from this is 'isn't it sad that society only sees the results of the pain infidelity causes'.

And I've read it three times now.

All three of these were wonderful lead ins to larger stories, but, you selfish bastard you, you took a finely made dish, perfectly spiced and cooked, waved it under our noses untill our stomach rumbled...and then tossed it into the dumpster.

Who wouldn't resent that kind of treatment three times?

You left us with blue brain. Stop being a story tease.

really

But you leave it fairly unfinished and I can't even rate it.

Seriously dude, this is just the beginning right??

You don't have to write the rest of it immediately. I just hope you continue it within a few months.

This was a big failure as a flash story. A great success as a prologue!! Talk about story interruptess......lol

AMerryman

FTDS

Finish The Damn Story...please!

.....but invoking a polite request for the rest of the story....or suffer the wrath of the FTDS!

Dude, this one needs more. It's more than a flassh, it's a chapter 1! Nice job, but you're killing me here!

one more chapter.

I thought a flash was short but had an ending, so wheres the ending

Yes, definitely needs an ending!

Other thoughts:

"Maria was squirming and doing a very poor job on deterring Miguel, especially since she had both her hands inside his unbuttoned pants and from the motion of her arms, was slowly jerking her ex-boyfriend off.” – I can’t see how she would be even TRYING to deter him if she’” – I can’t see how she would be even TRYING to deter him if she’s jerking him off!

“Miguel looked...smug” – Probably because he’s already nailed her!

Would like to mark higher because the writer has created drama, whereas I accept a writes right to write what he wants I do find it lacking some sort of conclusion.

is there another flash?

this had no ending.

just a short tale of his pain

Finish it! Even a flash story needs an ENDING!

I know it's just a flash story, but flash just means short, not unfinished!

5* but not concluded!!! AARRGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Yet another 'flash' by you that s UNFINISHED, flash means short, but it has to be FINISHED. 1*

careless driving is Kids Stuff. TK U MLJ LV NV

But you really did make your point, didn't you? Don't throw away your life, future, world, over someone else's stupidity.

It would be great to see where you took this, though.

Yo, Vanadon, me and some of Carlos other workers want to make this right. You OK if we tell our story of revenge on behalf of the best boss we ever had??

1 Star

Why?

You are an excellent writer. I would love for the story to come to more of a resolution.

The wrong person got messed up.

someone will get closure, TK U MLJ LV NV

Thanks

A don't drink and drive commercial.

It's hard to write a "flash" story and include enough information to satisfy everyone. Start with the fact that they aren't married so this shouldn't be in the LW category. Then go straight to the unsatisfying ending wherein he's drunk, has a serious accident and we don't get any closure on his relationships with Maria and Miguel. That makes it totally unsatisfactory in my book. I just don't like wide open endings. Thanks for the effort. Maybe next time something complete?

wife cheats = husband loses home, half money, dies, goes to jail, commits suicide, lives in one room shack. WACC, RAAC

husband cheats, take him to cleaners

The words "Keep Her." Signed: BTW

Well Carlos, I guess you showed her huh? What’s the word I’m looking for?

Oh yeah, PENDEJO!

Only half a story.

Well leaving her behind and ruining his life sure worked out well. Unfinished trash.

Go back to the long stories.

did u miscalculate and run out of words before the end.

Harsh comments. I liked it, but there is a lot more story here.

Too bad so unfinished.

I hope they throw asshole in jail on multiple charges and then he gets a long sentence. Drove there and then gets drunk and drives

Shit for brains

Stupid ending..we’re you also high drunk when writing this?

"The Honda roared to life..."

I, I can't man. I just can't.

Still trying to imagine a HONDA (any Honda) actually ROARING to life??

Good lead into the story but then what must pass as the ending just screwed things badly!!!

Harsh. People.do stupid things when their heart is broken. He will however be spending time in court after his recovery. At least he will be free of Maria, who looks perfectly capable of ruining her own life.

Incomplete. May be a flash story but there was no resolution, no closure, no purpose.

As for him driving drunk, well, of course it wasn't his intention. Commentors condemning him for it are simply stupid, because they make it the sole aspect of the situation, as if he were the only one at fault.

But he went to the party with the intention of enjoying himself with his fiance, both letting their hair down. Once he was drunk, it would have only impaired his reasoning and judgement. It was unfortunate that his fiance's actions caused his bad decisions, and he is still liable for the damage he caused, but it was only to property. The only one hurt was him, and now he will have legal and financial issues to compound it. He was stupid, yes. He was out of control and dangerous, yes. But the true fault lies with her. She caused the outcome.

These commentors just slamming him for driving drunk are revisionists with no morals.