All Comments on 'Flower Girl Ch. 01'

A hooker with a heart of gold.

Write about a hooker with a heart of gold.

Write about a writer writing a story about a hooker with a heart of gold.

Kafka?

(just having fun, your writing is a breath of fresh air)

Been waiting for this ever since you finished Subway girl....hurray. ;^)

I really love your characters, especially because of the flavor of realism their flaws and insecurities give them, and I am very happy to see all the familiar faces from your earlier work.

Another author to follow. I will have to check out your previous stories..

Great to see you return after Subway Girl!

Thanks for the follow up story, eager for the next chapters.

C

in the first page you keep flipping verb tense. Heck it happens in the first 2 sentences... "pulled boots off....". to " she nods her approval"

makes it difficult to read.

I loved Subway Girl, so if you'd told me the sequel would have a completely different feel and narrative approach, I would have been nervous. But this really works, and it shows that you're not afraid to stretch as an author. I also would have been nervous about how well William would fit into a leading role. He was a fun supporting character in the previous book, but in just a couple of scenes, you've made it clear he's much more complex than the bibliophile with the well manicured vocabulary we saw last time around. You're off to a delightful start so far. I'm excited to hear that the chapters will post in quick succession!

If you are having trouble reading this story, I only have one suggestion for you

Start over in kindergarten and do all you can to graduate that this time

I know grade one will be real tough on you

So glad to see *** Girl 2.0

And delighted that the tone is not a rerun of Subway Girl (which I loved).

I enjoy the juxtaposition of two stories. Am eagerly awaiting the (possible) confluence of both plots.

Am hooked again - and happily so.

I enjoyed this first chapter and thought that it was the start of an interesting story. Then I poked around a bit - reading other comments, etc. - and discovered that you wrote Subway Girl. (Shouldn't have taken poking around but I suck at names.) I loved Subway Girl and am now expecting a lot more than just an interesting story...

You get immediately into the characters and the story and it just pulls me along. The language and the characters mesh so nicely, supporting and echoing each other. I loved Subway Girl and this one is starting out even stronger.

As someone who realized not ten minutes into my verbal GRE that I was going to get a perfect 800 on the test, which I did, I have to make a comment on the grammar nazis that troll this site. As C students, I guess that you really never understood that much of the grammar you were taught in school was, in fact, wrong. Some of it was artificial formalism invented in the nineteenth century, some was just based on mistaken prescriptive conformist ideals. Have you never read Joyce? Have you never read Shakespeare? Have you never read poetry, and alas, have you never heard a story told by a friend or a loved one?

Are you so impoverished in your ego resources that you must decry anything that doesn't immediately affirm your meager sense of self? Are you truly unaware that the essential skill in appreciating art is to note the liberties the artist takes, the conventions they flout, the experiments they essay but to withhold judgement and dare them to somehow make it work?

How poor of a reader you must be to have to struggle to read a paragraph with mixed tenses. A good reader, a strong intellect, a serious student of the arts just files these inconsistencies as questions and waits for the artist to provide the answers as the story unfolds. Sometimes the writer answers the questions brilliantly, sometimes adequately, sometimes not at all. Sometimes a mistake is just a mistake, but if you bail at the first sign of an unconventionality, you miss the opportunity to discover a new and possibly interesting and valuable way to express personal perceptions.

How perfectly sad.

I completely agree on the comment about grammar nazis. I might complain about grammar if it is extremely difficult to understand what the writer is trying to convey, but complaining about mixed verb tenses or similar is just ridiculous.

DonnaBeck,

Once again you have amazed me with the complexness of your characters, the juxtaposition of Tracy and William's stories, and the story within a story that adds a level of intrigue. And to Anonymous's post on 1/31, with all due respect (by which I mean I have none for you), you would not know tasteless drivel if it were presented to you in tomes. Your tactless sense of literary knowledge further proves the purile nature of your feeble mind.

Marilou Weathersby

I really enjoyed reading this stories first chapter and am looking forward to more. I thought it had clever believable banter between the sisters and the beginnings of two very interesting characters.

You do write well, with just the right balance between dialogue and description. Anxiously waiting for the next installment.

Sorry DB, i just couldn't avoid crashing into that alliteration. I am impressed by the quality of your writing style and how well you are developing your characters.

I am also impressed that you were successful using italics in separating the main storyline from the sub-story of Andy & Vera.

The internet was invented by Rube Goldberg and we are lucky anytime this mishmash of incompatible systems and software actually manages to produce a coherent communication.

I agree with the named commentators and Anonymous "Delightfully Refreshing" praising you as a writer of a what promises to be a most excellent serial or novelette.

As for the analmousies and their infantile tantrums, the Liteotica site managers can assist you with filtering the trolls out and deleting abusive comments.

As for the grimmernasties and their fetish for worshiping at the grave of the dead language of Academic English.

If you are feeling generous, give them back the two minutes of consideration it took them to write their fatuous comments. And then go on and create in the style you prefer.

I am absolutely addicted to the flaws and realism of your characters. I have read up to the seventh chapter you have posted, yet returned due to a nagging question I had about William's first email where he wrote "I am not much of a write..." was writer purposely misspelled here to emphasize the fact that he didn't proofread? At first I though misspellings were incongruous with his character, but after reading further perhaps it serves a foreshadowing for the many chinks in his armor that ultimately lead to a much more relatable man. Just thought I would ask, so if writer wasn't purposely misspelled you had the opportunity to deliberate and spell or misspell as you see fit!

I started reading this story on the android app. I had to stop and think whenever the story shifted to or from the book that Tracy is writing. For a bit I was annoyed, then I realized that is what my brain does when I am engrossed in a book and someone interrupts me. I thought that was ingenious of DonnaBeck. As I got on my computer to post this, I found that the book Tracy is writing is in italics; the android app does not use italics. I don't know how to let the website know this...

Subway Girl and this Flower Girl are great stories!

This is the first of your multi-chapter stories I am delving into, and the beginning has me hooked. Lovely character development, and I look forward to the rest.

Fascinating Characters. A delightful way of sneaking up on the back story. Fine dialogue.

I thought I had you, at the restaurant with John and William. You've got William eating sushi and drinking a beer. You even took the time to name the beer - Shapiro. Shapiro? Shapiro beer? Clearly an auto-correct error, you meant to say "Sapporo" a very fine Japanese beer, one that goes quite well with sushi (especially after a nice, warm saki.) Out here on the Left Coast we order the 22oz. bottles (no cans!) and enjoy, enjoy, enjoy. So I was ready, I was primed and poised to respond...but something was bothering me. So I pondered, I considered, and finally decided to search the vast cloud of factuality, and THERE IS A FUCKING SHAPIRO BEER! It's brewed in Jerusalem. It's an Israeli craft beer...who knew?

I am enjoying the unique concept of reading one story while learning that another storyline is woven within.

Very creative and fun.

interesting, so far...