All Comments on 'Flower Wine'

For your 1st story here this was a pleasure to read. Strong story, strong characters, and NO obvious grammatical errors (huzzah!). However, I will have to read this again to try and put my finger on what bothered me. At times the word choice seemed clunky. Overall I want to read more of your work. More of these characters, more of this world or more from your fertile mind. Just more, please.

Nicely poetic, not overexplained... They fall for each other rather quickly and I was not so sure about the pet name calling. Well done overall, reminded me of Ilona Andrews and that is not all bad obviously.

This was an easy 5.

It felt like we were supposed to know more than we did.

You write very well

I hope the plot line thickens as I read on4F4B

In the best sense of the word. Who are these people? Isonei (& Isemay) are enticing, and they are inviting us to enter into a brand new world of sensuality. Like Draeseth, I want more!

Impressive first taste of your writing skills, amd certainly won't take adjusting to, like the Torgan's wine.

Other than the incomplete sentence, seeking a verb, (I suspect you meant that as a section title, and ran afoul of Lit's formetting), your work is technically excellent, with a few missplellings. Nothing like the cmmon Lit fare.

Your need of an editor must be to reduce your work load rather than the proofing skills one would bring to a partnership.

Good editors bring more than just proofing, and grammatical skills; skilled and experienced editors will improve the best of naturally skilled writers, as long as the fit is right.

You have wonderful character and dialogue talent, you brough each of the characters to life, as they were introduced. There were no throwaway, quickly passed by participants in the scenes.

Even the timid maid was brought to life in the interaction with both Isomei and the jester king, (it was a bit confusing when mention of the jester king noticing the Totgan was uncomfortable with 'the jesters' blocking the entrance; I thought you only mentioned the jester king?)

I'm off to work my way through this tale; it'll take a few days to catch up with you; by then, I'll know if I may off to beta for you. I just don't have the time in my life to edit for someone.

I read voraciously, as I have for well over 60 years, but now my reading is when my body's in too much pain, or I'm resting for my next round of work. I'm in the midst of rebuilding our property, and recovering from the havoc a disabling brain injury 18 years ago, followed up by a nearly 9 year legal battle with a criminal enterprise masquerading as a mortgage company, wreaked on our lives.

Never thought I'd be rebuilding the entire roof structure of our home, replumbing it, and finishing otther, nearly 20 year old, incomplete projects and approaching 68. But, there's no one else to do it, so I push on.

Otherwise, I loved to be editing, and using the skills I developed from nearly 30 years of writing and editing non-fiction, and helping new writers develop into authors. It'd be a helluva a lot easier on my old broken body, that is certain.

Thanks for sharing your fertile imagination, and especially, thanks for all the work it take to put together a Lit submission. It is greatly appreciated.

GeoD