All Comments on 'Rachel and Melissa Ch. 02'

That was more that awesome ! I felt that one :)

More stories on here need to be like this.

Very good story. It was sexy, sweet and heartfelt. Keep up the good work. Will be looking for more from you in the (hopefully not too distant) future!

Good, fantastic, excellent!

I love your characters. They are very realistic and very loveable. Don't mind, if you haven't got much practice in the writing of erotic stories! You can write very good romances, and if you will work on the erotic way too, you will be a very good author.

Just one thing: I think, that way as Melissa and Rachel start kissing in the dressing room, is a bit trite. It's not so realistic, Rachel couldn't tell that to Melissa, she loves her, but in that kind of all day situation, she just steps there and kiss her.

But not to see that, your story is great. I hope, you will write a dozen of sequels to it. Or something other story. I don't mind. Just keep on writing, please! I can't wait to read more of your stories. If they would be longer, that would be much better too. :D

short,concise,intense what could i ask for more..love it. thankz author(from cinder)

Believable,sincere, I loved. I hope you continue their story.

Continue please! chapter three is needed!

I loved you story it was one of the best i ever read it was so touching and real. it was so amazing thank you(katiegirl)

There's more info here than in the first one, but we still don't know a lot about the characters. What are their flaws? What do they love about each other? Why did they go into their chosen fields? Also, I'd really encourage you to work with a Literotica editor. Spelling and punctuation are an issue. Each time a different character speaks it should be a different paragraph. It will make your story easier to read and follow.

There was some formatting problems when I first uploaded this which is the reason there was not always a new paragraph in between new lines of dialogue. I have studied and practiced creative writing for years. I know the proper format. I have corrected this and that version is now on the site. As for character development, there is a third chapter about this couple as well if you have not read it already. There more conflict in that chapter so you can get a bit more insight about the characters. This chapter was a bit experimental with use of flashbacks. I am sorry it was not your cup of tea.

Very sweet little story.