by Declan26
Firstly you need an editor so that your writing is erotic and not comedy. Then you need to write realistic stories.
If you had written this as a dream i would believe it.
The story needs a little grammar work to be at its best.
Work on your realism or create scenarios that don't require it.
It's so sexy that's she's "sleeping" the whole time, I wanna try it with my boyfriend
The idea is hot. The sex was well thought out.
The English... Well. It was terrible.
3/5 for a decent story.
i was hoping that Avery would wake up and make love to her brother though.
were the *most* annoying of your abuses of the English language, but a good little story was still apparent.
Liked the story
I have to see if I could arrange the same situation.
So English is not your first language. Is your first language Hindi I wonder. Whatever, you have written a brilliant story.