For All We Know

She also said that my friends would help me through this, so I should let them. The last thing she wrote was that she would love me forever, no matter what else happened in her life.

Of course, I fucked it all up. I went through all of the pictures and tried not to cry with each one. Then I moped around the apartment trying to find things of hers that she'd left behind. Naturally, since she knew me so well, she left the bra and panties she'd been wearing, in my bed where she knew I'd find them.

That was it. I got pissed and ran out of my apartment. I forgot about my Mustang in my haste and ran all the way over to her dorm building.

My timing was perfect. Just as I got there, I saw the prince and all of his people getting out of several limos. The bastard looked immaculate. I wished so badly that I had a gun. He had on crisp white linen pants and a white polo shirt with a navy blue blazer. He looked as if he'd just walked off the cover of GQ magazine. He smiled and spoke to every single person he passed; who the fuck does that? And...why?

I noticed that all of his people wore suits and nice dresses. I picked out the blond that Priya had described. And she WAS really beautiful. She had on a long white skirt and blouse with her own navy blazer and she was never far from the prince.

Then Priya came out. She wore jeans that were rolled up so they seemed like longer Capri pants. She had on one of my band's T-shirts and for the first time since I'd known her, her hair wasn't beautifully styled. She'd just thrown it up in a pony tail and she was wearing sun glasses although it was a very cloudy day.

Both the prince, and his blond assistant, looked at her. Priya just smiled and the prince shook his head. Then his blazing smile was back in place and he took her hand. Priya wasn't very happy about holding his hand, so it didn't last long. I followed them as they walked down the street, with Priya pointing out several buildings to him. I got angrier and angrier as he constantly tried to touch her and she moved away. I did notice that his assistant seemed amused by the whole thing.

I just got angrier. I ducked behind a building and clenched my fists. I decided that I couldn't take it anymore. No matter what happened, I was getting my woman. The worst thing that could happen was that they'd mistake my intentions and shoot me. Shit, death would be preferable to this emptiness.

I saw them heading in my direction. I realized then, that I wouldn't even have to approach the prince. Priya was leading the group. I'd just grab her as she turned the corner and we'd run away together. We'd change our names and move to a different state. I realized then that there actually was something worse than getting shot. What if she wouldn't come with me? I still had to try. I waited around the corner for her to pass. Every one of my senses was on fire and every nerve was primed to act. Then, when she was only a few steps away, it happened.

I was grabbed from behind and someone threw a hood over my head. I was lifted off of my feet and carried away. When they took the hood off of my head and I looked around, there were three very angry faces staring at me.

"Thanks Ben," said Amy.

"Any time," he rumbled. Then he turned to me. "Sorry Eric, but those guys all have guns. Friends don't let friends get their asses shot up." Then he and a couple of other football players left the room.

"Exactly what the fuck is going on in your tiny little brain?" asked Amy. "Can't you see that this is just as hard on her? I told you from the very God damned beginning how this would end."

She leaned over and stared at me.

"Eric, do you know the risk she took sneaking out of the building to see you last night? And you didn't help much either. She had to sneak back in early this morning, looking and smelling like somebody fucked her all night. She didn't even have any panties on. Jeezus, do you ever think of her?"

"You do know that she's supposed to be a virgin, right?"

Amy, Terri and Sarah kept me there for the rest of the morning. They let me go just after noon. Sarah and Terri told me that they'd be at my show that evening, Amy stayed with me.

She spent most of the day telling me how stupid I was and how all of this was my fault. She tempered that, with lectures on how awful I was probably feeling, and that it would end. She used the example of a friend of ours who'd done something just as monumentally stupid and how he'd suffered through it too. But he'd gotten over it and moved on with his life and now he was actually doing better. He was even in love again.

"Who the hell is that Amy?" I asked. "Who do we know that went through that, besides me?"

"Ben," she said. "Remember, he ended up in jail and lost a year of playing time. He was really lucky though, he took online courses and he'll graduate a few months later but he even got back on the team and he got..."

"He got back with Terri," I said.

"You have a thing for Terri, don't you?" she asked. "I'm beginning to think that if I hadn't forced you on Priya, when Ben and Terri broke up you'd have been all over her. No, Eric, Ben isn't back with Terri. He tried for a while but he hurt her too badly. Ben is with someone else, but Terri is available."

"Shit, who's he with?" I asked.

"Me," she hissed. "And stop that. You had your chance."

"Stop what?" I asked.

"Stop staring at my tits. You're in the friend zone from now on," she smiled.

We made it through the afternoon without killing each other. And I got to the club we were playing at before the rest of the band got there. I'm not a drinker, but I downed a couple of beers before we even started the sound check.

When the house lights came on, I wasn't as excited as I normally am. In fact, I just wanted the show to be over so I could get the hell out of there. Luckily, we were only the opening act.

As I stepped onto the stage and plugged in my guitar, I saw them for the first time. Priya, the prince, the blond woman and a couple of guys who looked like security, were all at one of the tables closest to the stage. It took everything I had, not to make eye contact with her.

The show was great, easily the best we'd done that year. We even did two encores but the crowd kept screaming for one more song.

The problem was, we didn't have any more songs to play.

"Let's do the new one," said Mark.

"I'm not singing it," I said.

"Well, just come in on the bridge and the choruses," he said.

There was something odd about it from the beginning. As Mark sang the first few lines, it took me back to the rainy afternoon when I'd written it and the lyrics just made sense. They were nowhere near as awful as I'd thought.

The entire bar was quiet and everyone was staring at the stage, even the guys in the back near the bar who'd just come in for a drink or to try to pick up women.

Mark and I sang the bridge together and he backed off during the chorus and just did backing vocals as I tried to juggle my guitar parts and the lead vocals.

Halfway through the second verse, I noticed Priya crying, and a lot of our friends were as well. I don't even remember what I played for my guitar solo or whether I even played it in the right key. It was all a blur.

As I sang the last chorus of the song and struck the last chord, the crowd was on its feet and cheering wildly. I knew I had to get out of there before I went crazy. Even the prince was on his feet and clapping and the audience was screaming, "More."

All it did was pissed me off. I had to go. I unplugged my guitar and just looked at it. As I got into the backstage area a guy I'd never seen before came over to me and started talking. I just dropped my guitar onto the hard concrete floor and walked out of the door. I left my amp and all of my effects pedals on the stage, I didn't care anymore and I saw no reason to ever pick up a guitar again.

I'd come to school to become a biochemical engineer, not a rock star. As I stepped outside of the stage door, she was waiting for me.

"That was great," she said. "Aren't you going to sing another song? The crowd is still screaming for you. They want more."

"Fuck 'em," I said. "I don't have anything left to give them."

"Can we talk for a while?" she asked grabbing my hand.

"I don't do groupies," I said. I'd actually meant it as an insult and I hoped it would get her the fuck away from me.

"Both of us are in the same boat," she said. "Maybe we can work together..."

"Look Blondie, I have no idea what you're talking about and..."

"Priya cries all the time," she said. "And it's not just when she hears songs that you obviously wrote for her..."

"I don't know anyone by that name," I said quickly.

"Okay, be an asshole," she said.

"Everybody has to be something," I said and pushed my way past her.

A few minutes later I was back in my car and on the freeway. For the rest of the night I just drove. I didn't listen to the radio or even answer my phone, I just drove. When my eyes got too blurry to safely drive, I slowed down and pulled into a rest area. I slept in my car for a few hours there and then pulled out my phone to see where I was.

I'd driven two states over. It would take me at least three hours to drive home by the most direct route. I was also almost out of gas. I filled the car and grabbed a soda and a bag of chips; the breakfast of champions, before heading for home.

At that point, I didn't even know which home I'd be heading for. I didn't know whether to go back to my apartment or just drive to my parents' home back in Michigan. I did have a couple of companies I was supposed to interview with and a few matters to attend to at the school. I decided to head back to the apartment. I wasn't ready to have my family following me around wondering why I was depressed.

I drove back to the apartment and only glanced at my phone each time it rang. It didn't matter who it was, if it wasn't the one person who could end my pain.

Once back in the apartment, I barely moved. I sat on the sofa and looked at pictures of Priya and tried to remember every detail of what had happened when they were taken. I spent three days like that. I ate only when I was starving and then it was chips and beer. There were empty bags and cans all around the couch.

On Thursday, I went out for another long drive. I picked up more chips and beer while I was out. Mark caught me on my way in.

"Dude, where the hell have you been?" he asked. "I came by at least ten times. We all have to get together. The manager of the band that we opened up for wants to handle us. He thinks he can get us a record deal. Isn't that great?"

"Yep, go for it," I said.

"What the fuck do you mean, go for it?" he asked. "Are you making a deal with someone else? Are you trying to go solo? You know every time a lead guitar player goes solo, they tank. Just think about it. Remember the Joe Perry project? He let the music do the talking, but it didn't have shit to say. Remember Frehley's Comet? It burned out and no one even knew about it. Remember the Vinnie Vincent Invasion? Of course not. They all fucking tanked."

"Mark, I'm not trying to go solo. I wish you guys the best of luck," I said.

"But what about the songs?" he whined. "You wrote most of our originals."

"Mark, you've got tapes," I said. "Get another guitar player to play my parts. I'm not really that good."

"But the songs?" he said again.

"Mark, fuck the songs," I said. "You can have them all. I don't care. I just want to be left alone." He smiled and disappeared.

About an hour after I got back inside the apartment, someone knocked on my door. I didn't go to see who it was. I spent Friday and Saturday in a haze of beer and depression. I went out early Sunday morning. I knew what I had to do. I bought it from a guy on the street.

I turned the television on and turned it up loudly. I hoped that it cover up what I was about to do.

My shitty luck continued. As the set came on it was a news station talking about the Pacmanistani Royal Wedding that would take place later that morning. I turned off all of my appliances and the lights and sat on the sofa with my pictures next to me. I looked at her beautiful face one last time and raised the gun to my head.

I heard someone rattling the door knob. I figured it was probably the landlord. Someone had probably complained about the volume of the TV already. "Good," I thought. "He can clean me up after I'm gone. And he can do it before I start to stink.

I took one quick glance at Priya's picture, placed the gun back at my temple and pulled the trigger. Time seemed to move in slow motion. At the very instant that I pulled the trigger, the door opened and I saw not my dad's fat friend who owned the building, but Priya stepping inside. I tried to stop it but the bullet struck and everything went black. As I lost consciousness I heard her sobbing.

* * * * * *

Epilog

"Amy call 911," I heard her scream. "Terri, get some towels from the bathroom I have to stop the bleeding."

My next thought puzzled the shit out of me. I wondered why I was having thoughts at all. I had blown my fucking brains out. I tried to touch my head and couldn't.

"Your hands are strapped down, idiot," she said.

"Priya, I can't see. Am I blind?" I asked.

"No stupid, they put a sleep mask on you 2 days ago," she said. She came over and pulled the mask up and as she did my eyes were flooded with so much light that it hurt. Priya looked beautiful for a normal woman, but awful for her. And she was clearly pissed. She turned away from me to press the button for the nurse.

The nurse came in checked me over. "I told you he'd wake up today or tomorrow," she winked at Priya.

"Can you undo my hands?" I asked.

"Hell no," she spat. "You're on suicide watch."

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" screamed Priya as soon as the nurse left. The fire in her eyes was scary. The door opened and my mom peeked inside. I think she heard Priya's tirade begin.

"I'll come back when you two are done," said my mom.

"Pree, I...I just couldn't handle it," I said. "I swear I tried."

She took my hand and squeezed it.

"When I saw you come in, I tried to stop it and managed to shift the gun but it was too late to stop it," I said.

"The bullet grazed the side of your head," she said. "They had to put a small plate in. But you didn't damage your brain. Not that you have any brains to damage in the first place."

"Why are you here?" I asked.

"See what I mean about the brains," she quipped. "I'm here, because WE belong together, dummy."

"You know what I mean. What about the prince and the wedding and women's rights in your country?" I asked.

"The prince got married," she smiled. "There was a hell of a wedding. I was invited but according to the news, I was too ashamed and too depressed at being rejected. So I left Pacmanistan. Women's rights in my country are in good hands." She was smiling so hard I thought she'd explode.

"You have to explain all of this," I said.

"Gustav is the nicest guy," she said. "But he doesn't love me and he knows that I don't love him. Almost as soon as we got on the plane, he and Alicia and I had a talk."

"Who's Alicia?" I asked.

"The pretty blond woman that you were so rude to," she said. "Anyway, the prince has been in love with Alicia for about five years. They got together before you and I ever met. That was why Alicia was trying to talk to me and why she kept staring at me. She wanted to find some reason, any reason that I couldn't marry the prince."

"But they never found out about anything we did. He never had me watched or investigated, because he didn't care. In the end though, Gustav got off of his ass and put an end to arranged marriages in Pacmanistan. His cousin, the queen, agreed, so it's a law now. Gustav then announced that his first wife would be Alicia and I would be his second wife. I was supposed to publicly protest that, which I did and then refused to marry Gustav under his new law. I cited the fact that since we were betrothed, I should have been first wife. I was so upset at the rejection that I left the country. It's all just a show, but it worked. Gustav really could have married me and simply kept Alicia as his mistress. But he did it that way, so I could be free without any shame for my family."

"That's great," I said smiling. She smiled right back at me.

"Now I have to figure out what to do with my life," she said. "I need a plan B."

"Why?" I asked.

"Well, plan A was for you and me to get jobs, get married and start having babies," she said. "But it's obvious now that it just won't work."

"Why not?" I asked. "I like plan A."

"There's no way that I want a bunch of stupid kids," she said. "I want smart kids. And in order for our kids to be smart, they'd have to have a smart father. And what you just did proves that you're not very smart."

"But I'm only stupid about you," I whined.

"I'll think about it," she smirked. And then she leaned over and kissed me.

* * * * * *

This is the part where I tell you that we lived happily ever after.