All Comments on '"Forever in My Heart" Pt. 01'

Another winner.

Boyd Percy

It sure doesn't belong here. Try romance, although that's a stretch, too.

Not a very high bar, but still, well written, just really badly edited. You need a good editor.

Not in the least. This whole thing seems largely pointless to me. Deplorable character, traumatic backstory, blah, blah, blah, etc, etc, etc. Just like attempts to "humanize" comic book villains, it'll fall flat in the end. A sob story doesn't excuse being a shitty person.

Not bashing the story, not at all. Just saying that there's literally NOTHING you could ever do that would make me have any empathy for this "Madeline" character. I have no tolerance for people like her in real life, so I damn sure have no interest in reading about them.

Gave it a 3. Well written, but I found myself rolling my eyes at the premise.

stupid shit.

2*

The nefarious twin d' Ann Hathaway persona of Madeline is admittedly kind of a hoot. I've read and enjoyed a substantial percentage of Carovhi 's work, but there would always , always be " a but ", a perceived false step in plot path .or totally indulgent/superfluous passage or character ( that nosy parker judge from " Just Too Happily Married " still grinds my gears if I focus on it).

There's no choice but to love Chelsea's character and admire how well Colt's disparate feelings of compassion fatigue, lenity , love and initial, de trop ticklings of attraction are portrayed. Chelsea is the kind of scene stealer in supporting role that leading actresses would give eyeteeth to play.

Bottom line I see echoes of " The Notebook " in this story , minus the shmaltz. This gets favorite status ( first time) with this author's inherent skill, that benchmark was really just a matter of time . Please don't kill the adorable little puppy ... err Chelsea ...unless it helps story) !

Full marks ! * * * * *

Just a little nit-pick. Shouldn't his brother's name be "Emmett" or "Emmitt," not "Emit?"

"Emit" is a verb, like "emit radiation or a sound."

I don't know if this was an error or an attempt to avoid a copyright infringement, but a "Couric?" Where you thinking of a "Keurig?" I know, I'm anal, so sue me!

Many of the better stories require background about the characters in question, for those who naysay this is simply part one in a series it looks like and I would ask that people consider it as such. Two parters and more tend to have a lot more thought put into them then single shots.

Thank you

Great start and look forward to the rest.

Chelsea is a compelling character. Looking forward to see how Maddie's Pygmalion experiment will fail. The worm will turn for that one for sure.

In "Forever", Madeleine seems to be wholly irredeemable as a femme fatale. What, I wonder, is the arc of her story. I remember Leslie from "A Simple Case of Infidelity" behaved similarly evilly, but reemerged as a sympathetic character. Is there any hope for her like the DQS heroine?

For all Madeleine's villainous amoral two dimensionality, she stands in stark contrast to Colt and Chelsea, two deliciously sympathetic and nuanced characters. So many possibilities in this plot.

As always, I love your use of internal dialogue to build emotional depth and dramatic impact.

Thanks for the submission. You're one of my favorites. I look forward to the rest of the story.

I hear echos of Carvohi's incredibly beautiful Alyssa and Gavin in this first installment of his new work.It probably won't happen but Cord needs to understand that Chelsea,cousin or not, is the true love of his life. I suppose I will just have to keep reading until Carvohi kills me softly with his artistic touch.

the lawyer needs taken down a peg, and i do hope that happens. would seem colt and chels only have each other to rely on, and have had enough heart ache to last a lifetime. people that use and play games with people and their lives, deserve to be on the receiving end of their own misdeeds.

was brought up to believe, treat others as you want treated and to help others while you can.

curious to see where you take this. till the next chapter.

thank you for the story.

I have no idea where you're going with it, but it should be fun to find out. Look forward to part two.

All four parts up on other site.

I am unwrapping a condom for you . At this rate you need to get ready to chew on it after I use it .

To the next legends day. He is one of the best imho. Good job Jed Clampett.

Charlie

and cannot wait to read the rest. While rather unusual in this country, marrying your first cousin isn't unheard of, and even considered "normal" in other countries. I really enjoy your stories.

This is a great story. On to pt. 2!

really

????anyone????

Storiesonline.net. Look under Jedd Clampett.

the weaker ones get the most loving care, TK U MLJ LV NV

Thank you so much.

Either stop right here, or be prepared for glorifying praise, or scathing criticism. Remember the Groundhog Day story several weeks back? Great start, great plot, lots of potential and open praise. Then the poor author totally choked, making it some weird Sci-Fi thing in the LW category with the adultery issues being maybe 20% of the story, and very poorly developed. A HUGE disappointment, because it had such promise.

This is an incredible start. Great characters, hidden agendas and puzzling subplots just hinted at, complex emotions and desires and pain yet to be explained. Really, so well thought out and executed. Please please please don't make it stupid or trite or obvious or embarrassing. Its one of the best starts I've seen in a long time in LW. But then so was the Groundhog Disaster.

You've got my attention, and my appreciation. Thanks for a great start.

Just finished this story on SOL. Really remarkable. An easy 5 stars. Such a bittersweet offering. Really, really emotional and good and worth reading.

Thank you Jed, for continuing to offer you work to us. My day always starts with a smile when I see new stories from you.

As far as criticism goes, not much to offer as it was such a good story. Great character development. I loved that these characters were flawed but with good reason and were able to grow out of their brokenness. The end could have been a bit longer (I'm a sucker for a little more focus and time spent on the happy ending), but that's a minor quibble.

Just a really great story. I'm glad I waited until all parts were out to read it. Once I started I didn't want to stop <g>.

First, I'm thankful for all the comments. I don't like them all; the anonymous ones are a burden, but as long as they don't make personal attacks I'll be fine. A couple of my kids have been reading my Literotica stuff. My oldest daughter ratted me out. You understand.

I got a favorable remark from Harry in Va. I hope I can keep him. Of course, I want to keep you all, but Harry's just one of those guys who is really easy to get mad at. He's so harsh, but he's always couched in a legitimate context. It's one thing to get pissed a harsh critic, but when the critic's so frequently right...well. Like this, there's an anon. who criticized this story's editing, but didn't offer any for instances.

This story goes four parts. Hope you all stick with me.

Jedd Clampett

Let's see where this goes...

I read all of this on SOL. Those of you who haven't, and look for real emotion in your stories, are in for a treat. I don't like all of Jedd/Carvohi's stories, but he nailed this one. Good pace but mostly the deep emotion.

Well done.

otherwise decent

You may outdo yourself on this one. I like the darkness of the tale. Good pacing and interesting characters. Maybe saw a typo or two....so what?

5*s

Very well written and an interesting plot...A someone said: "Let's see where the writer takes this"...4*

...pour one for me. The first three parts are great. The last part is freaking ridiculous.

Not ridiculously great, if that's what you were thinking. I wish this very talented author would go back and make a worthy final chapter before submitting it here, but I know that isn't going to happen. Thanks anyway.

interesting cast of characters, and I do feel for both Colton and Chelsea, and hope that they can find each other in the end. But lots of ways you can go, and I look forward to seeing where you take this.

Always enjoy a good Carvohi story. On to the next chapter.

Interesting and different. In a good way.

Gave you 4*s. At first I thought Colt' cousin Chelsea was mentally impaired. Not just suffering from physical problems. Her being sharp witted will make the story much better. It isn't just mad Maddie vs. Colt but vs. Chelsea and Colt.

You did good including someone not wealthy, not even middle-class as generally defined. This has the potential for so much heartbreaking drama💔.

It reminds me of "The Dentist ". Hopefully you don't make Maddie so irredeemably evil like Eugenie. Then you won't have to write a sequel to redeem her, lol!!

Good sounding, realistic dialogue. Plenty of supporting characters in the story.

I look forward to your next chapter.

Thanks Carvohi, Jed Clampett, Marylander.

AMerryman

P.S. Still haven't seen it.

Well developed characters without real limitations. This first chapter is a first walk in the local wilderness. That Chelsea should have had so many problems inflicted on her is down right injust.

Very well-written, engrossing. Can't wait to see where this is going.

But what the fuck dude? I'm sorry. I can see where this is going. It's well written. You have developed several interesting characters. But they're mostly unlikable. One is sick. There are several on the periphery that aren't real peaches either. And while there might be a divorced or married wife in the mix, the main characters aren't married. So why are you posting a story like this in loving wives? Better yet. Why are you posting a story like this on Literotica? In both cases, it's misplaced. Some of your stories are entertaining. Some of them you over write, trying to put too much detail or trying to make some obscure point through the writing. This is one of those stories. I feel a lecture coming on. Please don't waste our time or your time on this type of story. Go for entertaining. It works better. And one further aside. While I've enjoyed some of your stories, you aren't in D.Q. Steele's league and you referenced my favorite story by him. Don't do that again. CHEERS!

A very excellent start to the story, with intriguing characters. This seems to be one of the more interesting triangles I've read in a while. Seems more like a romance category, larger scale story, but I look forward to seeing where it goes. Carhovi is a very skilled writer and is always worth reading

This is a strange but interesting start of a story that seems to have a lot of potential. It's unclear yet if this is a real "Loving Wives" - type story but then what is? This is written by a very good writer, carvohi, and I look forward to interesting parts that follow.

Tiny Tim

... that Madeline doesn't have a mustache that she could twirl as she hatched her evil plans.

Strong writing and plotting that's undone by a cartoonish female lead. Snidely Whiplash was more believable.

is key to writing.

"Colt was always gentle with Chelsea. Her mom and his mom weren't so gentle. After wiping her arm with an alcohol swab he slid the needle in, "There we go. Ready for coffee?""

This is not how or where you give a diabetic their shot. Never in the arm. Tops of thighs and abdomen. Always into subcutaneous fat.

Then your going to dump on us. Colt will fall for Maddie, she'll dump and shit all over him. He won't care, like her other conquests did, which will infuriate her.

You have all the Disney formula here: Colt- Prince Charming. Chelsea-Cinderella. Maddie - wicked stepsisters/stepmother.

5*****

The last comment was spot on.

Very Disney.

Some excellent writing,

but the plot all black or white.

Works fine in children stories.

But for adults?

3 out of 5 from me.

This Med Clampett fellow can write. No sex in three pages,.but I'm in love with Chelsea already. How can you improve on this chapter?

To find out Madeline is sleeping her way to the top at work and dear, sweet Chelsea's health problems are going to get worse. Who knows maybe Madeline is going to actually turn out to be a decent person eventually and fall for Colt. Going to be a lot of pain first though. Good first chapter and looking at the ratings for the rest it looks like that will be the case to the end. Signed: BTW

Powerful story.

Jed,

Nice character development with the tension between the cousins. This portrays the two mothers just like several women I knew of while policing.

A stormy drama is coming......

Amazing character development .

Thanks for this .

Wow, I absolutely hate Madeline and hope she gets what she deserves.

Even tohough others have said it, I have to say it too - your character development is superb. I sure hope Madeline gets all she deserves.

Wow, lot of character depth in just 4 pages. Hope Colton and Chelsa dump the evil bitch on a deserted highway.

Started off good enough, but by the end of the series I was just left despondently disappointed.

Sorry to say but this on is just not worth reading.

2 stars at best, I'll only kept this author after this work due to comments on the other stories.

Kept my attention. 5*