Forgetting the Past

As the evening was winding down Carrie stood up to leave. She'd stayed on soft drinks all night so as not to get another hangover and as she was saying her goodbyes she asked if anyone needed a lift.

The only person who said yes was Sue, but she could hardly rescind the offer once she'd made it and besides, she needed to apologise anyway so may as well get it over with.

They walked to the car and started their journey in silence, finally both starting to speak at once to fill the void, which at least had the effect of making them laugh.

'Sue I need to apologise about the other day. I just got a bit freaked out and it wasn't your fault, I shouldn't have shouted at you and I shouldn't have stormed off, I really am very sorry.'

Carrie was glad that she was driving and didn't have to look at Sue's face, especially since she knew her own was turning red with embarrassment. She felt a hand squeeze her own hand resting on the gear stick and turned to see Sue smiling at her.

'We seem to apologise to each other a lot don't we; how about we both forget about the past and just move on from here? I'd like to be friends if you'll let me.'

'It's a deal.' And with that they drew up outside Sue's house and she climbed out without another word, turning to wave as Carrie pulled away from the curb. Carrie's dreams that night were disturbing and frightening, full of feelings of helplessness and humiliation, of being held down and having her clothes torn from her body, of laughter at her expense, at rough hands pawing at her body, of the smell of beer and cheap whiskey.

She awoke at 5am in a cold sweat and rushed straight into the shower, standing under the scalding water for as long as she could endure, desperately trying to wash the thoughts out of her head. As she showered Sue's words from earlier kept swirling around her brain like a mantra "forget about the past and just move on from here." Could she ever do it?

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Carrie received the invitation to the forces memorial service through the post and almost threw it straight into the bin in disgust; then she thought about Jonno and changed her mind, picking up her mobile and making a call.

She felt slightly weird calling Sue but maybe it was an ideal way for them to spend some time together on neutral territory, helping to put the past behind them.

Sue was delighted to get her call and was overjoyed to have someone to go with. Her parents were getting on and weren't up to the travel but Sue was determined that there would be someone there to represent her brother; now there would be two people standing in Jonno's corner.

They didn't see each other in the intervening 2 weeks and both were a little nervous, their track record wasn't great after all, but once seated on the train they managed to fall into that comfortable journey state where long silences punctuated with intermittent chatter was perfectly comfortable.

The service was in the morning and they had booked into a small hotel for the night, getting there a little after 8pm in the evening. They checked in uneventfully and were shown to adjoining rooms, a locked door separating them, where they freshened-up after their journey before wandering out to a restaurant to eat.

They managed to make small talk and have a good time and again Carrie started noticing the similarities between Susan and Jonno and she couldn't help commenting on it, which made Sue smile.

It was then she noticed just how Sue's eyes sparkled when she smiled, how the little crows feet at the corners actually seemed to enhance her appearance rather than detract from it. She also noticed how Sue's generous breasts were trying to break free from the confines of her blouse and that they had a smattering of freckles on the gentle swell at the top.

She learned that Susan was currently not working but was financially stable due to a generous redundancy payment and some sound investments she'd made into the property market during the last slump.

Eventually the conversation got around to partners, with Sue asking if she was still in touch with the woman who had caused her departure from the army.

'Hell no! It was never serious and if she'd had the sense to keep her damned mouth shut it would have saved me a lot of grief; I don't ever want to hear from her again.' Carrie was starting to get jittery with this line of conversation but she managed to hold herself in check.

'So what about you? You're a very attractive woman, how come you're still single?'

Sue smiled at the compliment, even if it was inadvertent. 'Oh I don't know, just haven't met the right person I guess. I've only had 2 long term relationships; one with a guy who turned out to be a complete dickhead. I dumped him when I caught him shagging one of his colleagues and "borrowing" money from my bank account. The other one was with a woman. We were together for about 3 years but it just didn't work out, I think we just wanted different things and eventually we just fizzled out. I still meet up with her for a drink every now and again and sometimes I can't work out how we ever became friends let alone lovers.

How come you haven't found anyone new since leaving the army, you must have had plenty of offers?'

Carrie felt herself tense again and her initial reaction was to get angry and run but then she felt a gentle caress on the back of her hand on the table and it calmed her a little. She looked up into Sue's face and saw nothing but caring and concern.

'It's ok, it's obviously a sore point, just forget I asked. If you need to speak to someone though I'm a good listener.' And she steered the conversation onto safer ground.

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Carrie had no idea what time it was when she heard the urgent knocking at the adjoining door. She sat up in bed and switched on the light, trying to get her bearings in the strange room.

She got out of bed and unlocked the door seeing Sue standing just the other side.

'What's up?' she asked groggily

'That's what I wanted to ask you. You've been shouting in your sleep for the last 15 minutes and I was worried about you, I thought you might have been afraid of the storm.'

'What storm?' but just then the night sky was rent by lightening, closely followed by a loud crash indicating that the storm was pretty close.

'Sorry, I get nightmares sometimes but I'd taken a sleeping tablet so I didn't wake.' It was then that she noticed the frightened look on Sue's face and the way she was hugging herself. 'Are you afraid of the storm?'

'I know it's silly but I've never liked them.' Sue answered sheepishly.

Carrie took hold of Sue's hand and steered her toward her bed. 'Come and sleep with me if it'll make you feel better.' Sue was initially surprised but gratefully accepted the offer, climbing under the duvet and snuggling down as Carrie got in the other side.

As Carrie reached for the light she turned to Sue and smiled 'Did you know that your big rough, tough brother was also afraid of thunder storms? He used to climb into my bed sometimes too.'

Sue chuckled; grateful for the way Carrie was taking care of her trying to stop her feeling silly. She felt instantly calmer and soon both of them were sleeping again.

Carrie awoke irritated by something tickling her nose, opening her eyes to find her vision filled with soft chestnut hair. She was snuggled up against Sue's back, spooning her closely from behind, her right arm tucked tightly into Sue's tummy and being firmly held in place by Sue's hand as she slept.

Carrie was horrified at her nocturnal migration from the other side of the bed and was desperately trying to work out how to extricate herself without waking Sue, when memories of Sue's words came back to her again "forget about the past and just move on from here" and she realised that for the first time since leaving the army she had slept soundly and without bad dreams.

In fact she felt warm, peaceful, rested and if she was honest with herself she didn't really want to move at all. As she was considering her situation she heard Sue's breathing change, signalling that she was waking. Carrie tried to gently pull her hand back so she could move away but Sue held on and actually pulled her arm more tightly around her.

Carrie knew that this was no somnolent move, it was quite deliberate. She fought the rising panic and allowed herself to just enjoy the feeling of closeness for a moment, her body relaxing as she took deep breaths, inhaling the soft scent of Sue's hair.

They lay quite still for a moment, not speaking, until Sue slowly rolled over, keeping hold of Carrie's arm so that it fell over her back as she turned onto her side, looking into Carrie's eyes and seeing something there that had been absent in the past. There seemed to be life in her eyes that was previously absent and where as before Carrie often looked slightly worried or scared, there was little or no trace of that now; it seemed to have been replaced with something else -- trust maybe?

'Hey' Whispered Sue as she smiled warmly, snaking her own arm onto Carrie's hip under the covers, her thumb gently caressing the soft material of her pyjamas.

'Hey yourself' whispered Carrie back, at a loss for something else to say. She had denied herself any type of real and emotional closeness with another person for so long that she now felt like a mist was clearing, allowing her to remember how wonderful and intimate something as simple as a cuddle, a gentle touch from another could feel. The fear that she had lived with for so long had shifted slightly and had morphed into something different -- hope? Anticipation possibly?

It seemed like they stared into each other's eyes for the longest time, speaking volumes while saying nothing until Sue moved her face closer slightly until Carrie could feel her warm breath on her face, their eye's never parting.

'May I?' Carrie thought about the question, she really did, her answer eventually coming in the form of a slight nod.

Sue inched closer still until her lips barely touched Carrie's, she kissed her gently and tentatively, pulling back to gauge the reaction on Carrie's face and finding her wide eyed but unresisting, so she kissed her again but this time more firmly and as she felt Carrie start to respond she allowed her tongue to lick along her lower lip, encouraging her to open her mouth.

Carrie's heart was beating wildly. There was still fear and yet there was something else, something good, something positive, something natural; Sue's lips felt so soft, so giving, so wonderful. She pulled away from the kiss and looked at Sue once more, again seeing no malice in her eyes, just caring and longing and as she looked at her face she could almost feel the ice around her heart cracking, freeing her soul and awakening her sensuality and before she even realised what she was doing she had tightened her grip around Sue's waist and pulled her tightly against her, their lips coming together and their tongues sweetly exploring each other's mouth.

She jumped slightly as she felt Sue's hand slide over the curve of her hip and cup a firm buttock, kneading gently, sensuously, but as surprise turned to pleasure she was unable to stop the low moan escape her mouth and she allowed herself to revel in the sensation, realising that her own hand was now roaming freely over Sue's back.

Sue seemed to sense a change in Carrie and she pulled away from her lips, stroking Carrie's face tenderly as she kissed and nibbled the line of her jaw, tracing her lips down her neck and smiling as she heard Carrie's breathing change as her arousal grew. Sue knew that this was a now - or - never moment but she also knew she had to tread lightly, so she placed her lips against Carrie's ear, her voice little more than a husky whisper " I really want to make love to you, will you let me?"

Carrie was past making rational decisions at this point and her answer of 'oh god yes, please' was out of her mouth without conscious thought or deliberation, her body now making her choices for her.

Sue sat up in bed and lifted her pyjama top over her head, revealing a pair of round, full, heavy breasts that sagged slightly under their own weight but were no less appealing for it. Her hands slid under the covers and she shimmied out of her bottoms, producing them above the duvet with a flourish and tossing them across the room.

Carrie hadn't moved. She lay there watching Sue, mesmerised by the way her breasts swayed with every move, realising that she was salivating at the thought of taking those luscious globes into her hands and sucking on the thick, long, dark red nipples that were their crowning glory.

Sue leaned over and gently pushed Carrie onto her back, her hands deftly undoing the buttons on Carrie's top until she could peel the material back and expose her chest to her gaze. Carrie's breasts were smaller; pert and firm with small pink nipples like jelly tots and Sue couldn't resist taking first one and then the other into her mouth and licking around the pinnacles as she sucked them into her mouth, feeling them harden further into little pebbles under her tongue's assault.

Carrie pushed Sue away for just long enough to remove her pyjama's, instantly pulling her back on top and kissing her deeply once more, both of them moaning as their naked bodies made full contact for the first time, their hands caressing every available inch of soft, yielding skin.

Sue lifted up slightly, intent on moving down Carrie's body but she had other ideas, grasping the pendulous breasts that were hanging above her and pulling them into her mouth; nibbling and sucking on the rigid nipples until Sue was moaning loudly and her wetness was starting to seep down and mingle with Carrie's.

Sue slipped off Carrie's body and they lay on their sides kissing, their legs entwined as their hands travelled lower until they were both cupping each other's mounds, mirroring each other's actions as they dipped searching fingers into sopping folds, rubbing hard nubs and thrusting those knowing fingers into warm, wet, silky tunnels until they were both gasping for air, their kisses stifling their moans as their frenzied actions increased and they crested, their pussies clenching and contracting around the fingers that had supplied their release.

They lay holding each other tightly as their highs subsided, their arms and legs wrapped around each other, a bundle of hot sweaty limbs, pulsing with the aftermath of intense pleasure until they were roused by the front desk phoning with Carrie's wake up call.

She put the phone down and rolled back to face Sue, who took her face in her hands, kissed her tenderly and said 'Wow, that was intense!'

'Mmmm I didn't expect that.' Murmured Carrie, once again basking in the feeling that only making love with someone you care about and trust can give, allowing her lips to nibble Sue's ear lobe and neck as she nuzzled in tightly against her 'but I suppose we better get up and get ready for the service?'

Reluctantly they climbed out of bed to shower and dress in their separate rooms, Carrie automatically turning the shower to its highest temperature and then smiling to herself in astonishment as she slowly turned it back down again to something more pleasant. She couldn't remember the last time she had actually enjoyed a shower but today she actually found herself singing as she lathered her body; running her hands over skin that so recently had been caressed by someone else.

Sue expressed surprise when Carrie wandered into her room wearing a dark blue trouser suit rather than her uniform. 'I swore I'd never wear it again once I got out -- Jonno's funeral was an exception, I won't ever be wearing it again.'

Once again Sue saw Carrie's eyes cloud over, the pain evident regardless of how hard she tried to hide it, so she walked up to her and wrapped her arms around her, not saying anything, just showing her support in a silent hug.

Carrie instantly felt herself calm and the rising anger subsided as she hugged Sue back and held her tightly, the closeness of another person providing a comfort she had denied herself for too long.

Sue kissed Carrie quickly and lightly on the lips, said 'let's go' and took her by the hand as they left the room.

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The memorial service was quite uneventful and was a mixture of mourning for those who were lost and celebration of their lives and achievements. Both Carrie and Sue shed tears as they remembered Jonno, and as many parts of the service were taken by people who had actually known and served with the fallen soldiers it was much more personal than his funeral had been.

There was a buffet lunch reception in a hotel after the service and Sue noticed that Carrie wasn't vaguely interested in speaking to any of the army personnel there -- in fact she seemed to deliberately avoid most of them, her eyes constantly scanning the assembled group, always alert and on guard like a coiled spring.

Sue went to the buffet table to get them both another glass of wine as Carrie left the function room to use the bathroom. When Carrie hadn't returned after a few minutes she started to get concerned and went to look for her.

Rounding a corner she saw Carrie in the corner of the corridor having what seemed to be a very intense discussion with a man in uniform. It wasn't until she got a little closer that she could here when Carrie was saying and realised that Carrie actually had a very firm grip on the mans genitals, his face contorted in pain at the force Carrie was exerting.

'Get you fucking hands off me you dyke bitch. You show up here in civvies with some fucking tart on your arm, you've got no respect!' and he winced harder as Carrie squeezed just that little bit tighter.

'I've got no respect? You arrogant fucking arsehole! Do you think what you and your cronies did to me showed any kind of respect? I DO have respect for the army but not for many of the people in it, you included; and as for the woman you're calling a tart -- that's Jonno Clark's sister and if I remember rightly he saved your sorry arse by dragging you out of the line of fire when you fell over and were too scared to get up again, you cowardly piece of shit, so don't talk to me about respect!

Yes I'm in civvies because the old-boys network ruined my attitude toward the uniform but remember one thing, I'm not in the army now and I can still press charges through the police and there isn't a thing the army could do to save you. My evidence coupled with the recorded conversations I had with the commander when he was convincing me to keep my mouth shut would be enough to put you into prison -- sex offenders get what they deserve in prison, who'd be the bitch then huh?'

At this point the man dropped to his knees coughing, as Carrie gave a final twist to emphasise her point and let go. She turned to find Sue standing a few feet behind her, storming past her and out of the hotel door where she stopped and lit a cigarette, inhaling deeply as she held it in shaky hands. 'Well that told him! Want to talk about it?' Carrie looked into Sue's face and was about to say no, except that when she saw the concern in Sue's eyes as she slipped a protective arm around her shoulders in a gesture of support, instead of words coming out Carrie found herself sobbing instead.

She allowed herself to be guided through the hotel grounds until they came to a bench in a quiet, secluded spot where Carrie buried her face in Sue's shoulder and allowed the wracking sobs free reign until Sue's soothing words and gentle touches brought her back from the darkness that threatened to engulf her.