All Comments on 'Four Hills High School Ch. 01'

You started out well with Robert & Jackie--a good story in its own right. Branch that one out of this mess.

The guys at the table in the cafe with Maggie could have been a good story, especially with the banquet coming up. A separate track for this one would be great.

The end was totally wrong and out of place--trash! Mr. Hunt does not belong here.

Robert + Jackie was allright.

The last part Maggie does not make any sense at all.

You definitely need an editor.

Loved this story!!!!!!! Write more!!!

I was in to it. High school. First time with the hesitancy, carefulness, caring and knowledge to make it romantic (as opposed to the selfish, agressive jock). Effective description to make it hot. Friends with varied and budding relationships. Longing and wishing. Great dialog set into school.and suburban scenes. Built into an effective tale by a skilled storyteller. This story has got it.

Then surprise! The mature aspect with Mr. Hunt's thing (two ways) for the teen. What a first-time he gives to the wistful, wanting Maggie. Not an inexperienced, blundering high school boy trying to figure out what to do. She's lucky. We're lucky.

Great start.

Paul in Oklahoma