Freaky Friday

THIS IS A MOTHERFUCKING PARODY HOMEY... IT IS NOT REAL... BUT ITS FUCKING HOT

This is my homage to one of my favorite movies... Friday... This is like the white trash cousin version of it... It's sleazy, kinky, filthy and oh yeah, it's freaky as shit... Blaze a blunt or pop open a case of Bud... Or both... Get ready to get freaky... Enjoy

CAST:

Dick (Me)

Kaley (Kaley Cuoco)

Mom (Patricia Heaton)

Jessica (Jessica Simpson)

Dad (Dr Evil)

Wanda Sykes (Herself)

Kat (Kat Dennings)

Mini Me (Danny DeVito)

Fuzzy (Seth Rogen)

Fred (Jonah Hill)

Fuzzy's Mom (Peggy Bundy)

Church Lady 1 (Kathie Lee Gifford)

Kim (Kim Kardashian)

Church Lady 2 (Hoda Kotb)

Jenna (Jenna Jameson)

Christine Devine: Herself

Keisha (Courtney Love)

Cameos: Nia Long... Regina King

Ms Upton (Kate Upton)

Jamie Lee Curtis... Ron Simmons

Mr Upton (Carrie Heffernan King of Queens)

Bill Gates

Kristal (Pro Wrestler ODB)

FeeBo (Fat Bastard)

Missy (Bernadette Big Bang Theory)

Big Herm: (Herman Munster)

*****

I'm gonna tell you about my day yesterday. It was my favorite day... Friday. I was sleeping, having one helluva sweet dream. I was having a threesome with two of the stars of one of my all time favorite movies... Friday... Funny how that worked out, huh? Nia Long and Regina King were riding my 10 inch cock and mouth, respectively, while I was playing with Nia's gorgeous tits and wiggling my talented tongue, way up Regina's sweet black pussy. It may be 23 years now, since the movie came out, but these two honeys still get my big white cock hard. We were fucking and eating like maniacs... It was so much damn fun... Then we switched to me tit fucking them both, while they licked and sucked my super hard cock. Yeah ladies, get that creamy nut. I was ready to drop my thick load in their mouths, when... The damn doorbell rang. Shit!

I got up, scratching my big nuts and rubbing my eyes and went to the front door. I opened it and saw two Church Ladies, looking for donations. They looked at my huge erection, from my dream they woke me out of, and smiled a sexy smile.

Church Lady 1: Well, good morning handsome. Would you care to donate, to our church fundraiser? Any donation would be GREATLY appreciated.

I looked her over. Damn, she had great tits. She wasn't wearing a bra either. My kinda woman. I smiled at her and showed my pimp game.

Me: Would you two sexy ladies care to suck my cock? It would also be GREATLY appreciated.

I took out my huge cock and wiggled it for them. They took their tops off... Quick answer.

Church Lady 2: You bet your sweet cock we would!

They dropped to their knees and got going with earning that donation. They sucked and licked my big cock and balls, licking up my precum and both fingered my ass. Church Lady 1 sucked my cock, so damn good, while I played with her beautiful C cup, natural, older tits. I slapped them and squeezed them hard. She smiled at me, as I dumped my load in her mouth. She sucked it all down and sucked me dry, kissing her friend and swapping some cum. I decided to skip going to the bathroom and just piss on their faces. They were surprised at first, but quickly loved it, licking out their tongues and swallowing every drop, I pissed in their mouths. They kissed again and sucked me dry again, also.

Church Lady 1: Thank you for the breakfast baby.

She smiled so sexy at me and sucked my cock some more. I gave them $50 and we exchanged digits. I told them if they ever wanted to be pimped, to call me. They seemed interested, so it was cool, more money for the king pimp. We kissed and they got dressed, thanking me again.

Both Church Ladies: Thank you sweetie. See you tomorrow.

I smiled and waved. They were nice and sucked some good cock. I made my way to the kitchen, to eat some cereal. I looked in the fridge, but... no damn milk. I closed the door and my dad was there, eating prunes.

Dad: Why is it, every time I come in here, I see you in the fridge? Eating up all the pigs feet, all the hot pockets. I like pigs feet... actually I don't, sorry, they're gross, thank you very much... I do enjoy a hot pocket though... they're breathtaking... yes, thank you.

Me: I was gonna eat some cereal, but we ain't got no milk.

Dad: You better pour some damn water on that shit. Ok, thank youuuuu.

He walked to the bathroom, eating his damn prunes. My hot mom walked in and saw that I was down. I explained to her, that we didn't have milk and she solved the problem. She pulled her beautiful C cup tits out and squeezed them and her thick brown nipples, shooting her tasty tit milk into my bowl. I ate the cereal, as she sat in my lap. I poured some on her tits and ate it off of them, licking her tits clean. She kissed me and smiled, rubbing my face.

Mom: I never want my baby to be down. My handsome son. Here's the money from last night.

She handed me $500. Yes, I'm a pimp and yes, I pimp my mom... and sister. She has an office job too, but she does some ho work for me, on the side. I love pimping my mom, she's great at sex and she's so damn sexy...and freaky. She took out my hard cock and slid it up her hairy pussy. She rode me hard and fast, as I ate my tit milk flavored cereal. Fuck, she's sexy. She squirted her tit milk all over me and licked it off me. She rode my cock relentlessly, with such lust and force, smiling so sexy at me, the whole time, moaning loud. She squirted all over my 10 thick, in her pussy. I busted my nut, up her sweet, brown haired pussy, filling it full of thick creamy cum.

Mom: Mmmmmmmmm Dick, you have the nicest cock ever baby. I love fucking you, my sexy son

She kissed me, as I pissed up her pussy. She smiled and moaned into my mouth. She kept kissing me, as I overflowed her sweet pussy. My cum and piss oozing out, onto the floor. She got off me and sucked my cock clean, kissing it and smacking her lips. She smiled and winked at me, sitting down, eating my cereal, as I watched and fondled her great tits. I love my sexy mom. She's the best. I kissed her. The phone rang. It was my crazy ass girlfriend Jenna.

Jenna: Who did you go to the show with last night?

Me: What?

Jenna: My sister in law baby cousin said she saw you all hugged up with some bitch, at the show last night. So tell me who the fuck she is?

Me: Your sister in law baby cousin is lying.

Jenna: Well tell the bitch, whoever she is, when I find her, I'm gonna beat her ass!

We both hung up. That bitch is gonna drive me fucking insane. I went to my bedroom. My gorgeous big tit sister Kat, was in my bed naked, smiling at me. She picked up the covers, inviting me in and I got in with her. We kissed and I groped her E cup tits. I sucked them hard licking her erect nipples in my mouth, as I sucked her tits. I rubbed her pussy and kept sucking those huge tits. I shoved my huge cock up her pussy and jackhammered it, like a sex demon possessed.

Kat: FUCK ME DICKKKKKKKKKK!! I LOVE YOUR FUCKING COCKKKKKKK!!

I pounded that world class pussy, all the fucking way in and out, drilling as far up it, as I could. My 10 inches was pimp slapping her uterus, like it owed it money. She squirted hard on my cock, it shot out around my cock in her pussy. I pulled out and slid it up her ass, while I kissed her and held her arms, above her head.

Kat: DRILL MY FUCKING SLUT ASS HARDER DADDY!! I'M YOUR BITCH DICK, USE MEEEEEEE!!

I pounded her thick ass, thumping that booty hard, my legs bouncing off of her ass, when I thrust up it. She squirted again, all over me, I just smiled. My sister is so fucking hot. I came deep up her ass. She moaned so loud and squirmed in my bed. I filled that thick ass with my creamy pimp jizz. We kissed and I pulled out, shoving my cock in her mouth. She sucked it totally clean and kissed it. We cuddled in bed for a little while, making out, a pimp cuddle.

Kat: I wanna marry you Dick... Fuck the laws.

She hugged me, smiling. She's a sweetheart. I love her and I love fucking and pimping her. I kissed her and told her to go to her room. She pouted, but got up and wiggled her gorgeous, thick booty at me, as she walked to her room. I got up and put my shorts back on and bling too. My best friend Fuzzy stuck his big ass head in my window.

Fuzzy: Break yo self fool!

Me: You better watch who's window you're sticking your damn head into. You might get blasted on.

Fuzzy: With what, you ain't got nothing.

I grabbed my huge cock and shook it at him.

Me: With this, motherfucker.

We both laughed. He went out front and I got a couple beers, out of my fridge and joined him. I came out and he was walking over to talk to his weed supplier, Big Herm. He pulled up in his tricked out 65 Impala, with his black hair in curlers.

Fuzzy: What's up Big Perm... I mean Big Herm?

Big Herm: You sold all the weed yet?

Big Herm looked at Fuzzy acting weird and got suspicious. He put his big hand on his giant rubber dildo, that he uses to, "fuck you up."

Big Herm: You been smoking my shit?

Fuzzy: Herm, I'd steal from my mama, before I'd fuck with your shit... And you know this, Mannnn!

Big Herm showed Fuzzy the giant dildo.

Big Herm: Don't make me fuck you up Fuzzy! Messing with my money is like messing with my emotions.

He drove off. Fuzzy came over, we fist bumped and sat down.

Keisha, the local drug addict hoochie came up to us, wanting whatever she could get.

Keisha: Hey Dick... Hey Fuzzy, can I get some weed.

Fuzzy: Nope.

Keisha: Oh yeah Fuzzy, I need to borrow your car.

Fuzzy: What the fuck? Most people wanna borrow sugar or some ketsup... But you wanna borrow my car?... HELL NAW!! You need to borrow a job, with your outta work ass.

Keisha: Dick?

Me: Bye Keisha

Keisha: I'll blow you too for $20

Fuzzy and I looked at each other... And pulled out our cocks. Keshia got on her knees and sucked us both off. She sucked Fuzzy fast and hard and jerked him off too. He came quick, as usual. She swallowed his load and sucked hard on my cock. She played with my balls and sucked me greedily. She was good, sucking me deep, twisting her mouth, up and down my cock, rubbing my balls. I dumped a huge load down her throat. She swallowed it all, smiling up at me. She licked my cock head with her mouth wide open, showing me everything. She kissed it and we both gave her $20. She walked off, pulling her shorts. She looked good though, for a drug addict hoochie.

Ms Upton, the hottie across the street was watering her flowers. She was looking like a world class supermodel... Wink... She was wearing a hot pink, skimpy bikini, her big natural tits pouring out of it, oh my lord, what a woman. Fuzzy and I stared and just smiled. I went over to say hi, my way. We ended up on her front lawn, me slamming up her sweet pussy like maniac, where everyone could see. I love public sex, it makes me so fucking hard. I smacked her ass, while she shook her long blonde hair and screamed out how much she loved the king pimp's 10 inches.

Ms Upton: I FUCKING LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE YOUR COCK DICKKKKKKKKKK!! POUND MY PUSSY DADDY!!

I gave her what she needed, a hard ass pussy slamming. I pulled her hair and smacked that ass hard.

Me: Who's pussy is this bitch?

Ms Upton: IT'S YOURS DICKKKKKKKKKKKK!! FREAK ME DADDYYYYYYY!!

I fucking pissed in her pussy, while I slammed up it, every fucking inch, tasting that sweet, fine ass pussy. She squirted three times in a row. I pulled my cock out each time, letting her pussy soak my 10 thick, then I slammed right back up her pussy. I shot my wad deep in her soaking wet pussy. She loved it.

Ms Upton: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS FEED MY PUSSY DADDYYYYYYY!!

I pulled out and stood up. I pulled her head back and she gobbled up my huge cock, sucking it totally dry, while I roughly groped her very big, full tits, slapping them hard, shaking her rock hard nipples hard and squeezing them harder. Damn, she has gorgeous tits. I kept mauling them while she sucked my cock clean. After a few more minutes of rough breast play, I kissed her and she gave me my money. She's another of my hoes and a damn good one.

When I got back across the street and sat down, the hottest chick in the hood came jogging by. Kim and I are friends, but she won't hook up with me, while I'm with my crazy ass girlfriend. I'm gonna fix that real soon...Watch out for the ending... Wink... Fuzzy and I stared at her and waved, as she waved at us. It seemed liked she was jogging in slow motion. Baywatch has nothing on my girl Kim. She has the most gorgeous face and body I've ever seen. I just stared. Fuzzy woke me out of my trance.

Fuzzy: Dick, dude, snap outta it, bro.

He leaned back and smoked. He's a weed head for sure. I dabble in it too, from time to time, and right then, seemed like the perfect time. I lit a blunt and got to puffing. Just then Mr Upton, she's a woman, pulled up. They are sort of lesbians. Mr Upton is the "man" for sure. Ms Upton is bisexual and quite a hot woman. Mr Upton works nights. She came over to buy some weed from Fuzzy. I smoke it, I don't sell it. They completed their transaction and we shot the breeze.

Mr Upton: Dick, I've been wanting to talk to you about something. It's awkward for me, but I've been thinking about it a lot lately. My wife has been getting on my nerves. I know she's cheating on me... No comment... I was wondering, if I could be one of your hoes. Maybe pimp me out to other chicks.

She looked at me, with a frustrated and kinda sad look. I like her, she's a cool chick, even though I'm pimping and fucking her wife, I still dig her. I pimp lesbians too. Hey, chicks pay for pussy, just like dudes do. I'm a equal opportunity pimp. The money's green, dude or chick, so it's all good in the hood.

Me: You got it babe. I have several lesbian friends, that pay for pussy baby and you're hot, so we can make some good paper.

She smiled and thanked me. She kissed me and went to her knees. I guess she was gonna dabble, in some dick. She sucked me like a pro. Obviously, she had been practicing on some dildos or something. She licked me all the way up and down and nibbled on my throbbing manmeat. She rubbed my hairless balls, I hate public hair, so I shave down there. She smiled up at me and licked all over my meaty balls. She spit all over my cock and jerked it, as Fuzzy stared on in disbelief, with his blunt hanging out of his mouth.

Fuzzy: Damn Dick, you're the motherfucking man, dude.

Mr Upton: And he's got the most beautiful cock.

She smiled and winked at me, sucking me voraciously, jerking and sucking my cock, so fucking hard. She pulled her great C cup tits out, playing with them, as she sucked me, like a all star ho. I looked right at her, puffed my blunt hard and basked in the feeling, of being the motherfucking king pimp of pimps. She wrapped her tits around my cock and fucked my rock hard cock with it. The soft friction of those sweet, full tits on my cock had me ready to pop. She sped up, working those titties up and down my cock at supersonic speed.

I just puffed and shot my load in her open mouth and on her tits. Fuck, she looked so good, with my cum all over her. She licked my cock and her tits clean, swallowing every drop of jizz in her and on her. She hugged me and I told her I would call her later, with a hookup for her.

Mr Upton: Thanks Dick, love ya babe. See ya Fuzzy.

She walked across the street and went in to see Ms Upton. My sister was in the house sleeping. My mom and dad had gone to work. My mom works for a law firm, as a secretary and my dad is an evil doctor, who tries to take over the world in his spare time. It's a different kind of family, but we get along, accept for when my dad wants his damn hot pockets. Ha.

We walked over to Fuzzy's house. My neighbor Missy is a pain in the ass about her damn grass. She's always making sure no on walks on it. We always do, so she always bitches about it.

Missy: Dudes, GET OFF MY FUCKING GRASS!! PLEASE!! (waving and smiling) Thank you.

We ran into FeeBo, the fat ass wannabe bully in the neighborhood. He wanted some money and he wanted Fuzzy to go with him in Missy's house to see what he could get.

FeeBo: Come on Fuzzy, let's check the big titty, little lady's house. I'M DEAD SEXY!!

Fuzzy and I just looked at each other.

FeeBo: Dick, you distractttttt her, OK?

Me: Dude, I ain't getting mixed up in that shit.

FeeBo: Ahhhh, come on man. Pleaseeeeeeeeeee, come on, I need money to work on my abs. I'M DEAD SEXY!!

He pulled up his shirt and showed us his gigantic hairy stomach. He kept farting too. We gagged and I agreed to help, just to get him to go away and stop saying...I'M DEAD SEXY!! I went up to Missy, who was on her front porch and sweet talked her, as FeeBo and Fuzzy tried to figure out how to get their fat asses in her house. I shook my head, cause they were making so much damn noise. The idiots finally figured out to go in her back door.

I made out with Missy and played with those big natural tits of hers. She knelt down and sucked my cock, looking up at me. I put my hands on her ears, cause the two idiots were arguing and making so much noise in her house.

FeeBo: Hurry up jackass, I ain't got all day. I'M DEAD SEXY!!

She wrapped her big tits around my cock and I fucked her soft tits. I shook my head at the noise the idiots were making in her house, but I kept my hands on her ears. I pounced those big tits harder and harder. She licked my cock head, as it popped out and tickled my big balls. I heard FeeBo and Fuzzy finally leave her HOUSE, so I pumped Missy's tits faster and came all over them. I covered them in my thick pimp cream. She smiled at me and licked it all up. She sucked me clean and asked me to come over again tomorrow when her loser husband was at work. He's an astronaut, I think. She wanted me to give her a Big Bang... wink... I told her I would and I went over to Fuzzy and FeeBo.

Me: You get anything?

Fuzzy: Yeah we got about $200

Feebo: I got about $200...now I can get that good abs video and do a little work on my abssss. I'M DEAD SEXY!!

He waddled off.

Fuzzy: Fat Bastard...

We looked at each other...We went over to Fuzzy's house and went in, his hot mom was on the phone, laughing and smoking.

Fuzzy: Damn mom, why don't you get up and clean or cook? Do something.

She looked at him angrily. Fuzzy went in his room I sat on the sofa next to his hot, red haired, big tit mom. She had her legs crossed, shaking the one on top. I pulled out my cock, shaking it at her. She smiled, while she smoked. I put my hand on her head, pushing it to my cock. She took a big draw on her cigarette and blew the smoke slowly, all over my cock. It felt so fucking good.

She sucked my cock and talked on the phone. She kept blowing smoke all over my hard cock and balls, as she deepthroated my excited cock. I played with her big tits, as she softly chewed on my cock head, sucking it hard, licking up all of the precum. She sucked me like a sex crazed slut, which she is. I grunted and dumped my huge thick load in her mouth. She sucked up every drop, as she talked. She's quite the multitasker.

Fuzzy's Mom: Thanks Dick, I needed that baby. Love ya.

I winked at her and joined Fuzzy in his room. He was smoking, as usual.

Me: What I don't get is, how you be selling weed, when you be smoking it.

Fuzzy: I don't know, I ain't figured that out yet.

Me: Alright, you better watch it. I heard Big Herm fucked up a fool for 50 bucks.

Fuzzy: Man, I don't give a shit. Fuck that Herman Munster looking motherfucker.

He leaned back and puffed away. I had a feeling he might be getting fucked up, by Big Herm, in the near future, damn fool. His hot mom came in and sat in my lap, her arm around me. She handed him a dollar. Fuzzy looked at it, in disbelief.