All Comments on 'Free Use Ch. 07: Run of the Place'

Confusing and unclear narration is a major drawback of an otherwise good story. Keep at it but consider employing a more careful and extensive editing process using a experienced editor.

As confusing as the narrator's voice is sometimes, you write wonderful (and very, very fucking HOT) stories. Please continue this series, I love it. I re-read it often, and it's one of my favorite on Literotica. Makes me cum every time.

If you want constructive criticism, read on. If not, just please take the compliment; It's meant genuinely. You write hot stuff.

The narrator is sort of a mash between second-person and the occasional first-person, with some third thrown in. In other words, it's a mess. I still enjoy the stories because they're hot, but I would really love it if your re-wrote the stories (With the same story) sticking to one perspective for each chapter. Pick a guy fucking the girls and tell the story solely from his perspective as opposed to jumping around. You do a pretty good job of this with your 'daughter swap' series (Also very good stories, btw), and I would love to see it in this series as well. Don't delete the originals though, please. And even if you don't re-write them (That's a lot of work, I know -- no pressure, your stuff is hot as-is), please, please continue the story.