Freeing Writer's Block

"Yes I heard her crying sometime during the night."

"Only once? Well that's good; she woke me three times."

He said, "I know it's hard mothering an infant."

She glanced at him but said nothing.

"You look lovely with your hair up like that and with full make-up on."

"I did the extras for you. Oh god, what am I saying?"

"I appreciate that comment. In fact you ought to know I'm attracted to you."

"B-but I'm an unmarried mother."

"Yes and a very attractive one and with an active brain."

Carey hurried off in confusion to check on Jasmine and returned straightening the neck of her dress, and pulling her hands away hastily when seeing Kelvin looking at her chest. She said, "Jasmine is moving so will awake within a few minutes. I'll then have to feed here."

"Then I should leave for a while."

"No it will be fine or I can feed her in the bedroom if you wish."

"No I'd like to watch. I use to watch my sister feed her two... there were only eleven months apart."

"You talk fondly of your sister. I like that."

"We grew up almost like brothers except..."

There was silence.

"So you had sex with your sister?"

"Yes when she was eighteen and was confused about some of the guys attempting to hit on her. Mom and dad wouldn't talk to her about her feelings so she came to me and, well, one thing led to another. We did it three times over a month. A couple of years later when we were talking about it I attempted to apologize and she told me to stop being stupid, I'd been a hero."

"Perhaps you were."

"Why are you saying that and don't appear shocked?"

"Ah, there's Jasmine gooing. We can talk about this over breakfast."

"Don't you have one of those push-things babies ride in?"

"No all the things we had in Wellington were loaned to us by the children of my uncle's friends."

At the restaurant Carey had a tomato and mushroom omelet. Kelvin had all-day breakfast of bacon, two friend eggs, tomato, mushrooms, hash browns and two thick pieces of toast.

"Um about me having sex with my sister Claire. I decided to tell you to indicate just how liberal I am, and always have been about sex, to ease your mind that I have no hang-up about having sex with an unmarried mother if she wanted to have sex with me."

"Are you meaning to pressure me like this?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because in having become pregnant out of marriage you probably would have had a hard time from your parents and that could have turned you off having casual sex and the time has come for me to encourage you to come out of that defensive position."

Carey sighed and said his theory was more accurate than he might think.

"I've been thinking about sex lately."

"Join the club. I think about it most of the time. In your case though it's probably your body telling you to grab some guy and go for it."

The conversation changed abruptly.

"So why did you hit the wall with this new novel, writing shit as you labeled it?"

Kelvin thought about it. "Well I was shocked to find it happening and I knew enough to know what was happening but still don't know why. It was unnerving. My mind appeared willing, my fingers were typing well but the result on-screen was to my mind only half as good as my usual standard of writing and the degree of substance and originality in expressed thought appeared to be falling rapidly. I tried several things to kick-start but they failed and I began doing the very thing I tried to avoid and that was to worry about it."

"You're right, that was a big no-no. So your family decided you should go on vacation?"

"Yes and Claire who'd arrived on her white charger to attempt to help pushed that idea and suggested New Zealand."

"So you helped her out when she was in a hole and now she's had the chance to reciprocate?"

"Yes, I managed to work that out for myself when I was spending four hours at the LA airport. My parents upgraded my ticket to business class and I now am very suspicious that Claire paid for that or at least made a major contribution."

"Does it matter, apart from being grateful?" Carey asked, with Jasmine sucking a pacifier while in her mom's lap.

"No. Does it matter that I worry about having writer's block? The answer is no. I'm knowledgeable enough to know it should only be a temporary derailment. I think having a torrid affair might be the answer."

"With you aunt?"

"No."

"With me?"

"Well I had that thought of an affair before meeting you, assuming I'd meet a woman when traveling around the country. But here we have a storyline for a novel, you needing to have an affair to regain your confidence, me just hungry for an affair to keep my mind turning over. And I arrive and almost on my doorstep find you waiting."

The attractive young mother looked increasingly distressed. "You shouldn't tempt me like this Kelvin. Okay, we'll have our fling and then what? I'll be back to where I started."

"If you think like that then you'll probably have your wish. Just think about it Carey; women who fall into an emotional heap at the end of an affair do so because what's in their head has little to do with reality and even less to do with necessity. Do they ever jump straight into planning another affair? I don't this so. They are consumed by thinking the end of the world is neigh. They'll argue that's how women are made but don't they know anything about using skills they possess to cope with emotional over-flow? In most cases I think not."

"Well obviously you ought to be an author thinking the way you do. I can't see any sign of evidence that you have writer's block judging but the speech you've just made. What is the name of this new book?"

Kelvin mumbled.

"I didn't hear that?"

Kelvin mumbled.

Carey dug into her bag and produced a notebook and pen. "Please write it down."

He winced and said, "The working title is The Life and Death of a Whore'."

Carey stared at him and began giggling.

"What?"

"The reason for your writer's block is psychological... your mind is in revolt over you writing out of your league. You love women... it's in your nature I feel. Have you ever called a woman a whore?"

"Of course not."

"Well then, doesn't that tell you something? You don't believe in what you are attempting to write. You'll know better than I do that a novelist must love what he/she is creating and readers need to love the novelist if he/she is to become a successful author."

"Jesus, I hear what you say," Kelvin said, watching Carey deftly replace the sucking device with a piece of crust before Jasmine had time to protest about the interference.

"Well you think about that and I'll think about having sex with you."

Kelvin looked around nervously but no other patrons were close enough to hear them.

"I'm intending to set off in a rental vehicle the day after tomorrow and tour Northland and return through Auckland and go down as far as Taranaki and then across to Palmerston North and then up the East Coast and return to Auckland, taking ten days. You and Jasmine are invited to accompany me."

"I have booked my flight to LA."

"Don't you want to fuck me?"

Carey looked around nervously and told Kelvin to keep his voice down. "You are pressuring me."

"Perhaps that's what you need. I'll pay the cost for you to rebook. Pull your phone out and rebook now... no, I have a better idea. I'll convert my ticket back to economy class and the three of us can travel back together."

"Now you're really pressuring me."

"Yes," he said, standing. "Well let me know either way. Uncle Brian invited me to look around his company this morning and then he's taking me to his club for lunch. I'm keen to have a look at his new PA that Aunt Jo said he's humping."

"Oh that's why she took her panties off for you."

"You ought to be writing a novel."

He kissed Carey goodbye and this time she placed her free hand around his neck. That told Kelvin something.

* * *

Kevin arrived back at the hotel to shower and change before meeting this aunt and uncle for dinner at a restaurant.

Carey was sitting outside her apartment reading a magazine. She looked up, smiled and said hi.

He grinned.

"What?"

"Your mood appears positive."

She blushed and Kelvin knew he was as good as in.

Carey blushed and picked at the hemline of her skirt over her knees. "After much thought... no there's no need to say that because you'll know I've done that. God I'm nervous. Jasmine and I will come with you on one condition but you might not like the condition."

"That you want me to deposit money in your credit card account as a surety in case we break up during our tour of the north and central North Island because you have a responsibility to care for Jasmine and not be abandoned in some god forgotten hole without sufficient money to get back to Auckland."

Carey's mouth fell open.

"Don't be surprised. I bet your mother began telling you from the time you were a very young girl that men are not responsible and when they think they never think sensitively."

"Actually she did, many times, and usually when she was bitching about dad."

"Yeah well guys know it's a conspiracy to put their daughters off men until they reach maturity but fortunately for guys rushes of hormones send teens into a huge desire to run into the arms of men."

Carey said, "Excuse me for asking but what is the arrangement regarding my bolt-hole money should I need it?"

"Do you have a bank account here?"

"Yes."

"Well here's five hundred in New Zealand dollars. Bank it tomorrow and we'll leave early the next day. I've hired a camper van because I think Jasmine will settle quicker to travel that way than hotel and motel hopping."

"God you think more sensitively than I do."

Kelvin heard a car arrive below and looked down and smiled.

He told Carey he was off to shower and shave.

Carey watched two young women in jeans and tops and sneakers and immediately thought university students. One was pushing a baby buggy and the other carried a baby's portable cot while an older woman behind them carried two carry bags.

"Hi Carey," said the female in front. "I'm Ruby, this is my sister Mia and this is mom, Jo Grant. She's Kelvin's aunt and we are his New Zealand cousins. His mom and our mom are sisters."

"Yes of course Ruby, I recognize your mother by sight. Hi Mia and hi Mrs Grant."

"Oh call me Jo please. May we see Jasmine, Kelvin has been raving to us about her."

"Well it's about time she awoke. A-are these things for me and Jasmine?"

"Yes on loan from our neighbors while you are circulating the North Island in a camper van. An infant three months old ought not to be on a bed with pillows to stop her falling off."

"But she's in a sleeping bag."

"Oh that's a relief. Good girl. Do you know how to express milk?"

"Yes but why?"

"You are coming to dinner with Kelvin, Brian my husband and me in the hotel here. The two girls who are experienced baby-sitters have brought pizza to heat and DVDs and will look after Jasmine and one feed of expressed milk could mean Ruby getting Jasmine off to sleep at the time you specify."

"B-but Jasmine hasn't ever been bottle-fed."

"I'll have the milk at the right temperature and providing Jasmine accepts a foreign teat it will be right as rain Miss Wills. If not I'll come and get you and that's why mom booked in the restaurant here. Kelvin said you'd had it tough but you have battled on regardless."

"Girls please call me Carey. Yes, my uncle who was sheltering me and was my mentor died and that certainly was a big shock. My mother hadn't wanted me to keep the baby so I got out of Wellington before they arrived for the funeral. I heard they were due to return home last night. Uncle Alec was mom's step-brother."

"Oh darling, you have had it tough," Jo said, hugging Carey. "But at least you are fit and well. That's necessary to endure hardship."

Her daughters raced off to see Jasmine and Carey said, "This is lovely of you arranging to take me out like this. It's been four months since I've been out for a formal meal."

"Well darling, we'll do it again when you return from your tour. Now please, don't make a fuss about this. In fact say nothing to anyone. This is for you as a backstop for when you return home. I can easily afford it and if you are embarrassed just remember these words. This is something women will do for other women, anything within their means if that donation is going to a woman who really needs support. I'd like to think than in the years to come you'll come across a woman who's having a hard time and you'll do something like this for her."

"Yes, what you say makes sense. What is it?"

"Just a check darling and remember not to make a fuss."

Carey looked at the check that was for five thousand American dollars. Her face crumpled and she fell into Jo's arms."

"But you don't even know me... this is far too much," she sobbed.

"Please don't spoil my joy of being a Good Samaritan darling. Jo smiled and stroked Jo's hair. You and Kelvin are becoming friends and you'll be sleeping together from tomorrow night and from what he told me this afternoon he's hopeful you two will get something going between you. He called you a gutsy girl with qualities that appeal to him so much. Please don't tell him I told you that. You see I think that boy er man needs to settle down. He's had more than a good fling with the ladies and I honestly think coming into contact with Jasmine has triggered something within him."

"I think I know what you mean Jo. He's spoken of his sister to me in terms as if we are destined to meet."

"Well that sounds promising. I had extreme problems relating to self-belief and self-discipline when I was sixteen for two years and Kelvin's mother, my sister, was a huge help to me because all our mother did was to scream at me. Then it was history repeating itself because Kelvin's sister Claire had similar growing problems and alas their mom failed to respond despite having taken me through that stage and it was Kelvin who stepped into the breach and supported and counseled Claire and the legacy of that is today those two appear to act a little like twin brothers. There is just so much empathy between then and you'll love Claire. If you think Kelvin is lovely just you wait till you meet Claire."

Carey sniffed and dabbed her eyes. "Thank you for talking to me like this and above all thank you for your extreme generosity. It may interest you to know if all goes well between Kelvin and me I intend to help him with his writing on the premises that two heads are better than one. I majored in creative writing and was a journalist, production editor and then deputy editor on fairly successful health and beauty magazine in New York and that skidded to a halt when I began to show as being pregnant and then mom ask me to leave home because we had a row over my decision to keep the baby."

"Mom meet Baby Jasmine," beamed the motherly looking Ruby with her charge in her arms wrapped in a baby blanket and looking very contented.

"Omigod what a gorgeous looking baby. Oh hi Jasmine, wasn't mommy so clever having you."

Carey wept, not because Jo had said that but because it wasn't Carey's mother saying that.

"Oh Carey, have we done something to upset you?" Ruby asked.

"No she's just a little sad her mother is not with her at this time but Carey is happy, very happy inside, because things are happening that promise to turn her life round."

"Like what?"

Jo looked at her watch. "Gosh look at the time. You must get ready Carey."

"Oh yes. Um Jo would you care to do my hair when I'm dressed."

"Yes darling, I'd really love to do you hair. How sweet of you to ask me."

CHAPTER 3

"I chose this wider camper with three seats in the front."

"That was very considerate of you. It's lovely having the basinet on the seat between us and if Jasmine becomes restless I can take her into the back and buckle into the facing seat and keep her amused strapped in her harness without disrupting you."

Half an hour north of Auckland City, Carey said quietly, "When can we have sex?"

"You mean now, in the daylight?"

"Yes that sounds lovely but why the emphasis on daylight? Have you something you don't wish me to see?"

"Um no of course not. It's just I wasn't thinking about me. I thought you might wish to wait until night that's all."

"So some of the women you've had are gun shy about daylight sex?"

"Yes."

"Well I'm not. If you are long enough you could do me in my seat now."

"Carey that's absurd. No guy could connect that distance of separation and Jasmine will see us; she's awake.""

"She might like seeing you kissing me and sucking a breast."

"Jasmine I can't suck a breast?"

"Why not?"

"You are in milk?"

"Oh I see, you think there's something wrong with my milk?"

"No it's Jasmine's milk."

"Oh you darling. Thinking of Jasmine. How sweet. The truth is I can generate more than Jasmine will need and I'd welcome you suckling me. I will wash properly afterwards."

"Thanks that's generous but I-I am not sure I want to do that."

"So you're scared of mother's milk?"

"I didn't say that."

"Then why have you turned so white?"

"White?" Kelvin said, attempting to stare at himself in the rear-vision mirror but was told to watch the highway.

"Kelvin I'm sorry, I was just being a big tease. You don't have to drink my milk."

"Well now that I know it's not a requirement I-I might like to try it."

Carey giggled and said, "Just tell me when you have made up your mind and I'll understand or if you decide to suckle I'll cooperate."

"Um can you reach to suck out your own milk? Some babes I've known can reach to suck their nipples."

"Kelvin what a disgusting thing to ask a new mother."

"Oh god, I'm sorry."

"I'm not... it just tells me a little about what's going on in that obscene mind of yours. Loosen up a bit Kelvin; you have become all too serious."

"Sorry."

"I bet you're not."

"Look Carey, pull out that map and look for a secondary road going off the highway that gets us to near water, either the sea or a river because we need on stop on flat land. We can then fuck and get you relaxed. Sexual tension is making you tease and bite back a bit and... well... you are not relaxed. You're not scared of sex are you?"

"Well no... well yes... you oh Christ Kelvin I don't know and yes I'm not relaxing. Am I scared of having sex?"

"I don't know. We'll go slowly and you may stop me whenever you wish and I promise to do my best not to get moody about missing out."

"That will put me under pressure."

Kelvin smiled. "You'll probably fuck better under pressure, trying to please me."

"Oh."

Carey studied the map and said, "We can turn off this motorway just up ahead at Silverdale, cross the Orewa River and there's a camping ground in the seaside town. After sex we can go to a restaurant for late lunch.

"And stay the night?"

"Of course."

* * *

It wasn't sex as soon as they arrived. Carey played with Jasmine and then fed her and as the baby drifted off to sleep placed her in the bassinet.

"Sex?" asked Kelvin, who'd been hovering.

"Actually I feel like a beer. Do we have any?"

"No but we are on the edge of town. I'll walk till I find a bottle shop. I'd enjoy a beer as well."

He arrived back hot to find Carey had laid out the bed and now was on it, sound asleep.

Kelvin scowled, rubbed his balls and grinned, asking himself what was the rush? She'd been baulking all morning about sex.

He had a quiet beer and fell asleep beside Carey, hearing breaking waves only thirty yards from their rear window behind him. He intended thinking about sex as he drifted off but probably because of weariness over the tension about sex with Carey, although they both skirted the issue with humor, sleep came almost instantly.