All Comments on 'Friday'

Quite a departure from your previous stories, a good balance of action and introspection. The characters are well developed and realistic and the minor errors didn't wrEck the experience for me. In its realism, it is definitely romantic, as it shines without obvious and overused clichés.

Well done, and good luck in the contest.

And, once again, this proves it. No matter if it's a story about innocent girls being raped by scary creatures or a beautiful everyday story about real people like this one, she always seems equally at ease and should probably consider a novel.

English is not your native tongue? You'd never know it reading this story. Amazing...really! I'm embarrassed that your vocabulary and command of the language appears greater than my own (since it has been my native tongue for 44 years). Now I have to go read your other stories!

RWII

The overall concept of the story is good. It does need a pass through by an editor. Some of the sentences were never-ending and made the readability more difficult. I had no issues with any word usage though, so your grasp of the English language is good. During the beginning of the sex scene, they were on the sofa, then the next minute they were on the bed without actually moving there. It's an easy mistake to make (one I've done myself), but it would have been caught by an editor. <br>

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I think you spent too much time and detail on the Friday night get-togethers. Had I not been reading this for the contest entrants, I would have back-clicked out of it because the beginning is too wordy, too long, and not attention grabbing. It would have been better to maybe mention it in the girl's thoughts as she got the call from Julia on Valentine's day. As a story opening, it just doesn't work.<br>

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I do like how you brought Romance to the cynical. The story has great potential and would be worthy of a 5 (or 100%) if polished.

...story on this site, especially a contest story. And it's not very often a story here captivates me - but yours did. A story that continually surprised and delighted - thank you. No one who clicks open this story will be disappointed...

This was a well written story and I loved how you presented the story. The sex was great and hot.

I enjoyed the story

Good story, but I almost didn't read it all the lead in is so dismal and so long I almost clicked out of it. A curious misspelling and some equally curious word usages kept me reading.

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Your English is very good, but nearly anyone who grew up East of the Mississippi should be able to tell that you didn't learn English as a child. For example where you used "spend" or "spent", and English 1st speaker would say "pay" or "paid". There are many situations where "spend" or "spent" would be correct, but I don't remember seeing any in this story.

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I'm very glad I did read the whole story.

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<I>-- srgeek --</I>