All Comments on 'Friends Need a Favor'

I have read a number of stories where the writer change names on the persons in the story. But to this extent - never. George wife goes from Mindy to Amy to Jennifer to Amy to Jennifer etc. All this while maintaining Mikes wife as Amy. Did you proof read at all? - shame on you!!!! You need to edit and repost. *

when the suspension of disbelief keeps getting blown up every few lines with the name issue.

Seriously, keep a chart of characters and their relationships. When you are done, search the document for each character's name, checking to see if it wound up in the wrong place.

Also, the "married, got bored, got friendly divorce" happens, I am sure, but in this case it was just such a transparent plot device that it made the whole story hard to believe, and therefore, hard to get into.

First, you need an editor. You kept switching back and forth between Amy and Jen. Still not sure which is the wife. By the way, it's moral, not morale.

Second, if you are going to write a story about a couple that is only resorting to this in order to get pregnant, pay attention to details. You have the guy stating that he will go get checked out by a doctor to make sure he is potent. And then the couple says, why wait - we can get started tonight! Here's a thought ... If he is shooting blanks, she just slept with him for no reason. Hmmm. Maybe that's not the point of this story. And oh yeah, if she is trying to get pregnant, why take the first load in her mouth? That's odd.

... What's not to hate, 1 star!!!

Editing is a problem. The unbelievable plot is a problem. The weak writing is a problem. Getting pregnant from oral sex may also be a problem.

Even a good editor could not improve this crap. One of worst written stories I've read.

He must look for them. Poor ass wipe, he has no friends or lovers so he reads these stories and jerks off his little cockette.

You need to work on keeping track of your characters. It was hard to decide if you meant Jen or Amy several times.proofread your work.

Unrealistic but fun romp. Harmless nonsense.

Ok story but constantly mixing up the names messed it up.

Proof read or an editor be a good thought

Like previous commentators, I suggest you get a good proof reader or editor to correct the annoying mistakes. And it seemed like his marriage/divorce was merely "filler" for the real story of his friends wanting him as their "baby daddy". Why do we need to know about his ex-wife and their divorce? It added nothing to the story. Maybe if there is a "Part two" their marriage and divorce will become relevant? And if his friends want him to get his sperm tested, why do they suggest a "test drive"?

The mixing up of names (Amy instead of Jennifer) ruins the flow of a story as does sentences such as "she took my ball out of my mouth". Either he is quite flexible or has a huge sack to get his own ball in his mouth.

First paragraph "facility a divorce"... Huh? Not our "think"? Not wanting to live in "and apartment"?

If you don't have time to proof your own fucking work, don't dump the shit on us... Free or not, this was stupid.

Good story but has he got memory loss or two wife's and that's why he dosnt mind sharing

That explains a lot. You do need an editor as some of your errors make this a comedy. Develop the plots more and have someone edit your writing. This one made me laugh, "It was sort of lucky for us that you divorced Amy since that takes care of the morale issues."

I guess a divorce and banging the friend's wife would help a guy's morale. How about "the beatings will continue until morale improves"? Why did she let him blow a load in her mouth if getting pregnant was her goal?

Sorry, but this narrative got so confused, I gave up before the end of the first page. Mindy morphs into Jennifer, then George even calls her Amy at one point. Merely re-reading it should have alerted you to that.

I also agree with other commentators that the whole backstory involving Mike and Amy is redundant (it might have added a dimension had they not been divorced, and maybe Jennifer persuaded her best friend Amy to sanction the infidelity, perhaps with the condition that she got to be present, or only if Amy was similarly allowed to sleep with George). As it stands, the entire opening section serves no purpose and could have been disposed of with a couple of biographical sentences.

Get an editor.

Characters are not very ,uhmm how do I say it ? They' re STUPID !

But that's okay. I read stories with those people before.

This plot has been done before. But that's okay. Maybe the writer Randomcarrot,

has a new twist. Let's give him the benefit of the doubt.

Story is interrupted due to english language mistakes. An editor is needed, desperately. But that's okay maybe this is a case of EASL.

I'm not going negative. Not interested in reading more.

RC please try again , with a different story.

AMerryMan

... that you obviously could not be bothered to PROOF READ your story so you Posted it with lots of stupid errors!

For instance -

“None of us had really done anything to facility a divorce.”

Ok, you are talking about ‘you’ and ‘your wife’ getting a divorce. That is TWO people.

Two points, 1) “None of us”? Should be “Neither of us”!;

2) “to facility a divorce”? What the heck do you imagine the word ‘facility’ means ‘cos it sure as hell doesn’t fit where you’ve used it!!

“Swinging wasn’t really our think”? “think”?? Presumably you meant ‘thing’?

And that was just at the beginning of the story!!

Like the man said "Get an Editor"

Go to Literotica Index, "Volunteer Editors" and ask one of them for help and advice!!

Enjoyed the read. It's not badly written, but certainly could benefit from a proof read.

Not a bad story really, just need to proof read it.

Read through the story a few times, then leave for a day and read again. It is surprising what little errors you will find.

This story really has me going. Hope there is more to follow. No question you could use a proofreader, but don't let that stop you from posting. Thanx.

and just the correct amount of misnomers and faux pas to garner those all important few extra comments from the fastiduous brigade..

would have got a five if after all the favors needed by buddy to make her preggers he'd actually come in her asshole every time. Oh well - the perfect satirical tale is still to be writ..4*

Mixing up the names of George's wife distracted me from the story. You really must proof read your stories, and reread them many times, before you submit them. If English is not your first language you should be aware that you can get away with mistakes when you are speaking that you cannot get away with when writing.

your tale just lacks depth. it just goes over the top of everything. can`t get

into it.

You do need an editor! Why the blow jobs if the objective is to get her pregnant? I would expect that all cum would be placed in the appropriate place.

Thanks for sharing.

I just read through the story that was on the site. Apparently I submitted the first draft and not the finished version by accident. Sorry about that.

why would she suck him off if she wants to get preggers? smh

SO THE FIRST TIME OUT WAS TO TEST THE WATERS? TO SHOW HER PROWESS? I GUESS I'D BE HAPPY TO VOLUNTEER ALSO! lol

ROFLMFAO

This usual stupidity brought this to a stand still "Actually, we aren't big fans of artificial insemination, we both want it done the old fashion way. You and I both look alike and we know from Amy that you have a big sex drive.