by Ghostwind
Good story, but short.
I understand the feelings of Bobby about his sister Lexi because I live that.
Maybe a sequel?
Good Job.
5* for you.
I agree with the comment that you need to develop your characters more. That would have made the story more readable.
Yes, more personal details and more physical and general details. A different start but better finish. I hope you add another chapter as Lexi should be able to arrange some nice settings and circumstances were they can screw each other nice and slow to big powerful orgasms. Hopefully, their friendship will bud and get very strong. Thanks !
I don't agree with everyone complaining about the personalities, it was a great story, allthough the start should've been different. 4/5
I gave you a 4. I would have given you a five if not for a couple of word usage mistakes: 'and pleaded I with me to stop.'; 'Setting it to picture mode, I snapped my sister's cum-strewn face.' In the second one did he hit her with the camera? A little confusing. Sometimes when I see such mistakes I wonder if the writer left out a thought.
After a bit, I really got to like the story .... and as it progressed, Lexi admitting she was awful all those years and now they have opened a new chapter via sex. I think the next chapter should be about they getting closer and having loving sex not just rough sex. I think Lexi would like being slowed loved and screwed slowly to build to a huge orgasm. They should do it often and in differemt settings. Thanks.
The brother is a loser psycho, the sister is just ... inexplainable, as is much of the story. The story development and rationale is weak, and it's hard to feel any sympathy or identification with either of the characters. When the characters have multiple "snaps" in such a short story as a vehicle to explain motivational shifts, it's an indication of a weak plot or insufficient story development. Still, there must be a number of angry, frustrated brothers out there, as indicated by the number of people who favorited this story. Scary.
I find it quite amusing to see anyone attempt to critique something they cannot do or haven't done, besides it was just a bit of fun now wasn't it?
I almost stopped reading when big brother pulled a knife on his little sister. I don't like excessive violence in these stories. I like to think I've learned a little about human nature in my 60+ years and for Anonymous (whoever it is who is hiding behind that title) to find the sister's reaction a mystery tells me that he/she knows little about the subject. But to the point at hand, this story was short and powerful in my estimation. I ended up liking it quite a bit. Thanks.
I experienced something similar to that in 1969 when I was tripping on acid. It was as stupid then as your story is now. Reality check!!! Next time try to incorporate a unicorn and a leprechaun to add some believability.
Most people don't want violence while getting off. It made me feel bad for the imaginary girl and I almost lost a boner
That was pretty intense. Well written.
To anyone complaining about the knife, I think it was written in to illustrate how angry he was, and how his love for his sister wouldn't allow him to hurt her. Not the way I would have written it, but it was VERY effective in getting the point across.