by asianToy
Loved it! It's so much better when she earns her punishment. I like how she is actually worse than him, just in a more vulnerable position. Inspired me <3
OK! Where to start? My head is a jumble of reactions. Jenny is pretty heartless but this guy Phil is a world class sociopathic prick. At first I was having a hard time getting into the story because Jenny was such a bitch and now Phil is just sadistic. However, the world is truly a strange and sometimes random place and truth is always stranger than fiction, so I'm intrigued enough to dive into part two, but a little later. The length of part one doesn't bother me at all. I also like to develop characters in my fiction. I like your writing style. I'll comment on part 2 later. Ciao
Excellent story so far. Not too keen on Jenny but she can improve!
Stick to the way you are writing.
A 5
Going out of your way to pretend that the main guy is somehow justified or something is really really stupid. Just get to the actual sex. Attempting to write social commentary that is this pathetic is completely unnecessary.
god i had been searching for this for last 6 yrs finally found it
love it 5⭐
First I read your bio, and then I read the first chapter. You worry about having no talent? Don't. So far, the story is plausible and very well written. Jenny's character is believable and genuinely unlikable, yet developed well enough that I can see and appreciate life from her perspective. I give this chapter a solid five, and I can't wait to see what excitingly humiliating flaming hoops this hot little Asian chic will be forced to jump through.
I'm sorry I've been a terrible friend and haven't kept up with your writing, I'm starting from the beginning again
<3 your fangirl, Vanessa :)
Individually these two sociopaths are bad enough but together they make Bonnie and Clyde look like saints. The fact that there are real people like Phil is the reason I use a cheap disposable used laptop to surf the Internet and connect using one of my many neighbors' wifi. After reading chapter one of this story I'm inclined to smash it to pieces, use a drill on the hard drive and throw the pieces in various locations in the nearest ocean.
The writing is excellent and certainly makes you think but it's not erotic. Anybody who can get aroused by these two needs to see a therapist soon. Is this what the brave new world of social media looks like? Do you really want to live in a world like this? I'll grant you one big accomplishment: you've answered Yeats' question 'What rough beast, its hour come round at last, slouches toward Bethlehem to be born?'
I simply can't believe that you are only "18 to 22" as your profile says. This writing seems like something someone much older and more experienced than a person that young could ever hope to create.
For the longest time now my friend VanessaNelson has been urging me to read your story, and in the past few days I have started it. I haven't been disappointed. The story is amazing, and I'm hooked and can't wait to read more and more.
Thank you for sharing with us your gift of this story.
So one is a cold hearted slut and the other is a manipulative bastard. Why then do we immediately root for them both? Because this is a simply superb piece of storytelling. It draws you in and, like the very best of series, get's you wanting to read the next installment as soon as you can.
I'd write more but chapter 2 is beckoning.
Vivid characterisation. A great start and can't wait for the next chapter.
You are a great storyteller! I love and hate Jenny, she's very well written. I can't wait to continue on with your story, it's intriguing!
Jen would be able to seduce me so easily its scary to think but so hot
Great start, really got me hooked.
I love slutty asian girls. Can't wait for the next chapter =)
I gave it a five for effort, despite a few glitches which would usually reduce my score; I'm a grammar and spelling Nazi!
Looking forward to the rest.
Thank you.
Good start-! I am impressed, and excited to find out what happens next. Good job of depicting the devious side of the human psyche. Looking forward to the sexiness that must follow this complex set-up...
A good build up to what hopefully will be an entertaining series.
Please continue - I have yellow fever.
A good first story, barring a number of typos early on. Keep it going!
I have no idea what the previous anonynous comment is all about but I'd ignore it. It sounds like someone with a few problems of their own.
Yes I would like to read more of this story and the promising heroine. You have built a good foundation and I hope the rest of the story fulfills the promise. 5 stars