All Comments on 'Fun Day at the Swimming Hole'

The writing was a little unclear. No character development, just a sketch.

Might have been something in the hands of an author, but this was meh.

Also, get rid of the eleven-inch pecker. Just unrealistic.

At the huge tits and cock up till then your story might have been worth reading.

Useless

Virgin falling over 11 inch cock is hilarious.

You've probably read a lot of these stories here. Most of them are full of grammar and spelling errors and exaggerations. So you wrote those. Many of your descriptive expressions come close at times to the right word, but just miss it.

As some say, the 11 incher is ridiculous, as well as the D-cup tits. Simply the situation is ludicrous, with the branch ripping the bra top to rags and her hand pulling his trunks down and then FALLING on his dick. Accidental anal penetration rarely happens too. I'm guessing you're pretty inexperienced sexually.

Either stop writing or take some time to read non-erotic stories somewhere. Or you could take a creative writing course that might bring you down to earth. Don't post anything else until you get some education. People will just laugh at you.

Sorry pal but this story is fucking shit! Don't give up your day job.

First, including everyone's last names made it pretty confusing and unnecessary for me, same goes for best, second and third best friends.

About the actual story, as it has been said the "falling right on my cock" is awesome if youre trying to write a joke story - but as I guess you tried to write an actual story, it comes across ridiculous. Even I know that doesnt work, and I'm as inexperienced as it gets.

Finally, I suggest you get rid of the measuring. An actual number always makes me imagine the guy measuring, and thats not sexy. Plus, if you only had mentioned his cock is very big everyone could have imagined it as realistic as wanted while an unrealistic measurement just turns me off. Same for the tits - I don't believe your character he can guess cup sizes correctly just from seeing, so why not just saying they were big/full/huge/whatever you want?

Who ever heard of falling ONTO His fucking cock. I'm horrible with fucking butt even I haven't missed the vagina and gone into my girlfriends ass!

This story is shit.

sux big dik