All Comments on 'Game of Morals'

He gets tejected and decides on revenge? Does this mean its ok to rape women who tejrct your advances? I'm sure he'll be ok eith being raped while in prison.

So wrong. Forcing someone like that. You don't just fall out and have sex for revenge

1.a person with a personality disorder manifesting itself in extreme antisocial attitudes and behavior and a lack of conscience Dictionary.com

Get your facts right. This is his personality so he's gonna do things that most people would consider immoral

Thank you for the story. Great

Glad to see an author who has embraced the meaning that all stories in this genre are not morally righteous, thus creating a character who represents the extremity of this. Well done

Please tell me there will be a second as implied by the last sentence

*****

Morality aside, the protagonist isn't technically an anti-hero, he's Evil. Writing an evil character convincingly isn't easy, as you demonstrated. Writing an "Evil Genuis" character convincingly is even harder, which you also demonstrated.

His motivations are not believable, his drives are not believable, his abilities are not believable, and his plans (that we have seen) are pedestrian and tawdry. This is the result of a 1st person narration failure where the decision making is removed from the process and all we have is the result. Instead of being pulled along a logic chain, which we can disagree with but still believe, we only see the sum of his logic and it doesn't work.

He gets into a loud verbal argument with a girl, apparently (at least from narration) holds his own, but feels so put out by it he launches a year plus long plan to be a hypnotist in order to...rape her? huh.

Feedback out of the way, you wrote something. It's not the worst thing ever posted here by a long shot. Getting better at writing takes more writing and learning from feedback, or doubling down on the naysayers and going for it the way you think it should be done.

So the guy has a power, good enough to let him rule the world, except that it's apparently available to everyone to master, and all he does with it is something that happens every day in high schools around the world, without any supernatural abilities being used. The story went out of the rails for me the moment you mentioned in passing that he started hypnotizing people left and right. Huh? How about elaborate a little on that most shocking revelation? And at this point, the only thing that makes sense is to go to Washington DC and take over the country and the world - not spend months, patiently wasting his life doing basically nothing. Bah!