All Comments on 'Gerry is an Idiot'

Such a poor and abrupt ending to an otherwise well thought out plot.

Let's just stop the comment right...

1*

Author still has to make the people stupid and unrealistic to move the plot along. On top of that, the story was filled with detail that was unnecessary. It seemed like he was just using filler to make the story longer. Found myself skipping a lot.

To the author: The plot was interesting and could have been a heart wrenching story if done properly. It seems like you favor the miscommunication theme. That is a good foundation, but your delivery makes it go flat. You make the characters UNBELIEVABLY stupid. Honestly, can you actually see this story happening to real people?

Once again I make this suggestion: Try to use real people to develop your characters. Of course the story is fiction, but the characters should have real reactions to the situations you put them in. If you couldn't imagine this story playing out in real life, you should let that tell you something.

It should read that they are both idiots, because that's what they both are. He should never test her but by the same token she should never give him reason to doubt her. Prime example, the rule in my house started with my wife, she made the rule no stripe joints or strippers for my bachelor party, she had the standard shower. Fast forward a few years one of her co-workers was having leaving town party being held at male strip joints, she was insistent on going, so I got on-line and showed her dancing Bear website and clips, and I explained to her it was going to go down one of two ways she went I would be going to an equivocal type club the same night (part of that was a ruse as she believed guys were allowed to get just as wild as women do in their clubs), or as she had demanded running up to our wedding she could not go. Bottom line she lied and went anyway. As for me, I got a lesbian co-worker to go to the club that night with a spy camera rigged in her purse. I got the raw footage and made copies then posted it on-line for all to see with links back to the club. The club closed its doors six months later, no business as my releasing the footage it put a whole host of marriages on notice that night. The wife has left twisting in the wind uncertain future for six months. I took her back but I've had remorseful and compliant wife sexually, nothing is out-of-bounds, that includes all the stuff she previously felt was whorish and wouldn't do.

great story so far but u did bring out how fast things can happen when u assume something happened without asking if it did. talking seems to the real problem here and not really hearing what the other is saying. hope to see a second chapter to this story

What's happened to Literotica? In the past, maybe you didn't like the story but at least it was usually well written. Now, it seems anyone with a computer thinks they can write. This is terrible.

The execution needs work. Maybe a good editor. It felt like English isn't your first language. The writing was stilted and didn't flow well at all. And the ending? Well let's just say it wasn't really an ending. If this is chapter 1 then your ending can be excused, but since you give no indication that this is the first chapter, this was just badly done, start to finish.

How did Gerry go from being a nice guy, in love with his wife, to raising his fists to her? She was right to leave him.

they were both idiots.

Sorry, I hate to rate a fellow writer low, but I don't think a 4 is justified. You had an interesting story line, but the presentation was awful. You had details we didn't need, you told us the story rather than showing us the story, You had no dialogue and very little description of anything or anybody. In other words, I think you should have painted us a picture in words.

On the plus side you chose a good story line and your writing craft was better than a lot of new writers. Keep writing, but first look at some of the high score writers. GOOD LUCK!

A 2 is about all could give you! The whole thing was a misunderstanding between the man and his wife. Gerry should have told Shelly what was being said and Shelly should not have teased him about Dessie. That although wrong was not the worst, that was when Shelly decided that she deserved to go out and get a good fucking. How is that going to help anything? At this point they should just go ahead and divorce, it is plain that the trust is gone for both of them. She can't trust his temper and he can't believe she isn't cheating.

I've reread your stories and it appears you like unfaithful wives so I have no hope that this story will be any better!!!!!!!!!!!

She was was the idiot. Two wrongs never make a right.

one would guess that all Brits are the biggest dumb idiots ever. And he would be right - of course.

3* for her friend Janet...She was the only one with head in it's place...The husband was violent; The wife would fuck anyone just because she was pissed with her husband. And she would have done it, if her friend Janet wasn't present...So Janet is the only one to deserve 3*

Then their offspring represents the average.

This story, a three. Author chopped it off along with the others comments.

You reported who did and said what, instead of just letting the characters play out the plot and as they do, we will be reading who is saying and doing what. So your story telling style is kind of stiff and bland.

As to the plot, that is really stupid. The characters arouse no interest or sympathy because they are too stupid to care about. Fucking around on a spouse is not an option, unless you have already decided to end the marriage. In which case, retain a little dignity and formally separate before you become a cheating asshole.

Thank you for all the comments, critical or positive. Constructive comments are more useful. Keep the comments coming.

My style can be bland and seem to be reportage, and some suggestions for improvements are very helpful.

Loving wives tends to be a cheating partner genre, so comments about people being sluts or cheats, what were you expecting? If this genre upsets you, can I suggest you look at erotic coupling or romance or non-erotic.

If I write multiple part stories, I will tend to call them chapter 1, 2 et al, so this is a stand-alone story, however, if anyone wishes to FTDS, feel free, I am sure you will make at least as good a job as I have with the story, or just use the scenario for your own story. That goes for any of my other stories, feel free to credit me with the idea or not ;)

Again, if my style/subject matter is not to your liking, don't worry, Literotica has lots of other authors who are far better than I am.

This story is chock full of morons. Nobody could consider this erotic.

This story was so chopped up. The ending left a great deal to be desired. You should re-write this and let the characters tell the story and please get a better ending!

to immature to be erotic

Too much detail on the events and too many people. Try to simplify.

2*

.....and almost no descriptive language about the characters.

"He did, she did" and "he said, she said", doesn't make for much of a story.

We don't even know these people except through their superficial actions and thoughts....and, in spite of Gerry's stupid reaction, Shelly is behaving the slut and deserves any sorrow that comes of it.

let Gerry damn it, TK U MLJ LV NV

That all there is?

Too many loose ends.

Why would anyone want to be with either of these stupid people? Neither one of them comes across as anything more than idiots. She's a bitch and a slut, he doesn't have the sense God gave a goose. Both of them need to move on and grow up, far away from each other, and never see each other ever again.

I was looking forward to reading where Michael took her to his apartment, got his big cock in Shelly's hot tight pussy and fucked her 3 or 4 times. She is a slut and the next time she gets mad at Gerry, Janet won't be there.

are you a child, really drunk,or just a horrible writer?

A terrible writer in answer to anon below

He portrays all husbands and wimps and white wives can't wait to get in bed with blacks or arabs

Thing is I have been filling HIS WIFE AND DAUGHTER up with my white mule cock and cups of my thick creamy white seed for a year now.

Ooops gotta get the door, his wife is going to help me break in his mother's ass this afternoon and that is them on my doorstep

Shelly is a stupid slut that isn't worth marrying.

Gerry should leave the stupid cunt . Very poorly written.

She's the IDIOT! If I was Gerry, I'd DIVORCE her ASAP!

Gerry should dump the cheating bitch. She, her friends, his friends and family where ALL screwing with Gerry's head. Playing mind games and generally putting him down. He should DIVORCE her, his friends and hers, quit his job, pack up and leave the area or go to a new country. Start over....

what a waste of half an hour. Can I get that time back please?

Not that good. Shelly, the slut, needs to get lost.

The husband is a moron...wife is a slut who has no good friends...what a waste

Read the story, read the comments. They were not nearly harsh enough for this mess.

The real idiot is the one that wrote this drivel

Ya, Gerry was an idiot for not dumping Shelly's slut ass when she first started pulling her crap!.

Unfinished but I think Gerry she dump her and find a better woman. He also needs to get some anger management. No man should ever raise his hands to a woman.

One of the top worst endings every. Find another hobby..writing is not your thing

Seriously?? Gerry started everything, according to Paul? He got messages of his wife being fucked by another guy or 2, gets angry, & it's HIS fault? When he tried to apologize, tho I don't know why, she's all angry & doesn't want to hear it. Unless I missed something, it was Shelly that took a stupid-assed game too far. But he wanted to, & in the club, Shelly did everything wrong with Michael, even if she didn't have any sex.

They both need some counselling & work on their communication skills, or this will be repeated. And possibly some separation so each, especially her, will know what it'll be like without the other. But for Gerry to be the one to fix it? Hell no! 2 stars & I'm being generous. Bob