GLAHC Ch. 02: Santa Muerte

"I – it's pretty late," Dani said, frowning. Her voice filling up with dread. "Wh – are you ¬– uh – going somewhere?"

"Yeah. I gotta go someplace. Sorry, but I can't stick around any longer. I hope you understand."

"Sure, I might understand if I knew where you were going?"

"Just – someplace. I got things I need to do there."

"Things? What things, what are you going to do?"

"You know, things. I don't wanna bore you with the details."

"But I want to know."

"You really don't."

"Yes I do."

"Aargh, look, I gotta go now. Sorry, but that's just the way it is. You should go on back to bed. Like you said, it's late."

"Leah, wait!" Everything seemed to freeze in place. "Please. Please don't leave. I – I know I got a little carried away earlier but – I can't help it, I love you. So please, please don't go away from me."

"...How do you know?"

"W – what?"

"How do you know you love me? Did you get a letter? Or an e-mail? Some little spam shit that pops up and says 'congrats, you're in love?' Don't you think that you – that the both of us – are a little old for that?"

"Too old for – love? You think that?"

"Sure? I mean, I figure you reach a certain level of maturity and – you know, break out of certain delusions."

"Delusions -?!"

"And even leaving that, don't forget what we are. What we did for a living. We're soldiers, Dan. Soldier girl. We killed people. Not often very nice people, but still. I think that when you spend a few years shooting at folk in some god-awful sand trap, you oughtta move past certain things. Kid's stuff.

"Or what? Are you gonna tell me that you still believe everything you got told as a kid?" Numb silence. "I didn't think so. If you ask me, true love has more in common with the fucking tooth fairy than anything else. You're better off growing out of it sooner than later. Anyway, that's my piece done. See you round, Dan."

"W – Wait! Don't go, please. I don't want – I don't – I don't know I can say, but – I know if we talk we can make this right. If I did something, we can make it right. Please Leah, please. I love you so much, please don't –" Dani's tongue caught in her throat. At the sight of Leah's face. Her face, like the worst thing in the world. Like a nightmare. "Do you know what love is?" she said, her voice hollow and terrible. "Because I don't."

Leah left. The door clicked behind her. Making next to no sound. Dani was left standing there. Not moving. Not speaking. Not crying. She turned and went into her living room and didn't cry. She sat on her sofa and didn't cry. She stared with vacant eyes into space and she did not cry. She wanted to. More than anything she wanted to. But her eyes were as dry as desert air. She wrapped her arms around herself. Pulling her knees into her chest. Dipping her head down. Curling into as small a ball as possible. One of her hands went to her midriff. Underneath the fabric of her sweater, her tattoo was inked onto her bare skin. Her military tattoo, which she shared with everyone in the old platoon. Leah had the same one on the opposite side.

"God Loves All His Children." The story went that one of the original platoon members said it as his dying words. Lying on a stretcher, suffering some of the worst pain known to man. He whispered it with his dying breath. Croaked it, more like, with bloody lungs and smoking veins. He did not mean it in a good way.

Captain Weybridge, their commanding officer, was a friend of that man. He was there as he died. He heard him say his final words. So in memorial, he had it tattooed over his heart. "God Loves All His Children" he said one night. All His children. Every single one. Every murderer, every rapist, every terrorist, every insurgent and mad bomber. God loved all of them, and He loved all of them equally. That was why no-one would be saved. Because the saving of one might result in the loss of another. What would be the decision? Which child would God decide deserved to live more than the other? But no, the decision was too hard a one to make. Though He may weep to see His child in pain, to save them might mean to endanger another of his beloved children.

That is why the world is so fucked up, said the Captain. Dani could hear him, in her head even now. God's not dead, you see, but he is insane. Wouldn't you go insane if you had to watch your kids kill each other? The world is fucked, and war is worse than hell. But it is necessary. It's necessary because we're God's children, made in His children. But we don't love everything equally. For some people, some things, we love more than anything in the world. More than ourselves. More than God. So we fight for it. We fight and we die and it's worth it. That's what this tattoo means. God loves all His children, including the ones we're fighting. He won't help you out there. All you can count on is yourself, your rifle and the guy at your back. Now get out there and defend what's yours.

"Yes sir." Dani whispered under her breath. How long had it been since she'd said those word? They sounded weird now. Her voice didn't sound like her own. Nothing seemed like it should. It was all depleted, as if sapped of all colour. "Oh, I get it. I woke up, that's all." She unzipped her hoodie down to her midsection, and put her hand inside. Touching her midriff, over her tattoo. She gripped the flesh, digging her finger nails in. Drawing a trickle of blood. But she barely felt it. The pain came from far away, and she was somewhere else. Outside, the streetlamp flickered on and off, finally shorting out and plunging the room into darkness.

END OF CHAPTER TWO