by wifelvrman
I guess you are never going to finish this story, so I gave it the lowest score possible.
Love how she suddenly LOVES being a submissive slut.
Too many idiots don't understand fiction AND this does can, not frequently, but it can & does.
All of a sudden this wife is made to follow these orders from her boss & others, no questions? From a supposedly decent wife into a slut in a day or 2? PLEEEZZEEE! Worse, there's no afterwards: what happens when hubby returns from work? I'm not sure I'd want to read part 2 IF you wrote it
Divorce the bitch and sue the company she works for, what a wimp.
Twenty five years married, and she lets this type of debasing crap happen, then sluts up to go to a party where she is the cum receptor? Bull shit!!
This is such swill that a second chapter isn't warranted. Save everyone their effort to read such crap.
Couldn´t make head nor tails of this story. never finished. So her co worker suddenly takes precedence over her husband?
Your submission is highly derivative and seems disjointed as it goes from cuck wimp hubby perspective to that of the slut wife. The sex scenes are not particularly erotic, but rather seem obsessed with a mechanical description of who does what to whom. This story should have been placed in the Fetish category!!!
Worst example of cuck apology I've seen in awhile. Don't know what it has to do with your wife's liver man.
so why would her hubby still be there when she got home time to toss the bitch at the least change the locks and keep her out
just doing it after 25 years of marriage? Shame on the wife who is actually being used as a trash (probably laughed at behind her back) and certainly taking a lot of risks like losing her job, divorce, STD . . such possibilities and the subsequent disgrace could be awesome and the hubby is a real stupid cuckold if he doesn't foresee all that himself
I would bet this was not her first time out with "friends". Husband is just slow on the uptake.
She comes home to her new reality. After the weekend of fucking she comes home to a empty house. I mean completely empty, everything is gone. She runs to each room to find nothing there. Her husband and children are gone. She tries to use her phone and it doesnt work. As she is running around the house her car is being towed away. Was the fucking worth what's happening to her now?
Divorce is too good for this slag.
Poor plot although quite well written. Won't read anymore of your rubbish tho. 1 *
You started out with the night of the party... but then ended before it began. I'm MORE than ready for that 2nd chapter. Hope you haven't given up on the plan to add more. Since you seem to like time-shifts ("flashbacks"), maybe a 2nd chapter could give a little more of Deborah's story that led to this sudden change in behavior, but even without it, I'm anxious to hear about the party.
I agonize to read chapter 2. Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! An please let her wear knee boots!!!!!!
...good thing Chapter two does n o t follow...Another fool who doesn´t end his work properly
won't bother reading whatever follows this waste of perfectly good letters
I Like very much this intro ... wifelvrman is my literotica favorite author.
SHE didn't resist becoming the company who're at all. I agree with the comments that call for tossinh her to the curb. She doesn't deserve to be a wife and the men deserve to be punished for helping her cheat.
Please do yourself a favour, not to mention us readers and forget you ever wrote this chapter...in other words DON'T continue. This was utter garbage and not worth rating.
I want to preface this comment with this statement: This is intended to be constructive criticism to help improve your writing technique. I have to begin by stating that this is poorly written and not well thought out. Some examples of the poor writing: "You guessed it, we kissed!" - This is addressing the audience. Don't do this, it throws a kink in the flow and removes reader immersion. Since you are 'hearing' Deborah's side, she's not addressing anyone. I may be seeing things from Debbie's eyes, which is what you want as an author. But that sentence with "You guessed it, we kissed," really puts cold water on that feeling. "I was stretched out to the max. It felt like a log was inside me." - This type of sentence is typical of male authors and extremely overdone. Hey, I'm a guy and I get that it's awesome being well endowed, but this kind of sentence shows that you aren't aiming at your full audience. This kind of sentence is like something you'd expect from a poorly written porno. To connect with your female audience, you need to show the psychological build up. Women don't go from working to wet in 2 seconds without something going on in their heads. They aren't like us, where we go from work to ready at a slight touch. To help connect to your female audience, read multiple erotic works from various female authors. It will help your writing immensely in the long run.
It's been awhile since I've stopped by Literotica. I don't often comment, but I saw an opportunity to help build the quality of a writer. You have potential, but you need to step out and view your audience before committing "pen to paper" as they say. I hold a B.A. in English, so I apologize if this is too harsh of a comment, but truly read it and learn from this constructive criticism.
i would have locked her ass out. No excuse whatsoever for that type of behavior.
It would be over.
I hope you try to explan how a wife of 25 years suddently becomes a slut, and how a loyal husband can be expected to accept this.
Hard to believe you are a man. Seems more likely written by a bitter hate-filled woman.
and to her std's and the guys too. husband avoids them and get rid of her ....
real fucker pal and i mean the pal in the most hateful way possible.
get a life the percentage of readers whom finds this subject titillating is less than 1% though .literotica PIMPS this type of story as main line. i still travel extensively and admittedly over 40 age group NONE of my cheating bed fellows have ever expressed a tiny desire to flaunt our coupling in his face quite the opposite and we do all the good stuff but never insult the ones at home after all is said and done it was just a good fuck but not as good as home for her or i. take a hint from the real world go and get yourself a real piece of ass other than ROSIE palm
Here's wishing it a healthy erectile dysfunction...
This intro is well written and a teaser for chp 2. It is like several others in LW. It is a nice read and I look forward to the next chapter. Keep writing. I don't understand what happened in the wife's mind that flirtation and sex and photos are the norm with no thought of 25 years of marriage and what her husband will do once he finds out about her actions. Ah, well, wait and see.
so much for marriage and fidelity. stds are coming or worse . end of marriage. and another chucky author.. we know what direction this story is going.
I guess hubby will be delighted when he is clued in that his wife Deborah is relieving all the stress of her workmates and their friends. Doing to them all the things she never does for hubby. Can't wait to find out what the reaction of hubby will be when finds out the truth. Interesting story and well written.
Literotica standards continue a downward slide with this type of tale being posted. Long time readers recognize the deterioration of the site.
Should have been in "a waste of fucking time". I don't know how this erotic to you, but don't burden us with your shit.
Poorly written and not even the tiniest bit erotic. Why did you bother?