All Comments on 'Golden Keeper Ch. 05'

This is so nice. I really like the relationship between Grant and Charamaine. Please continue!

lovely story

You may want to do some revisions. Before the love scene, weren't there several people in Grant's room? Where did they go? Or did they fade into the shadows to enjoy the show? Continuity/Story Flow is important and that was forgotten.

You also had May's shirt lifted off of her head 3 times, within 3 paragraphs. First paragraph has May lift it over her head, only to get it stuck on her wings. The second paragraph has Grant lifting it over her head again. Huh? I thought it was already over her head, just stuck on her wings. The in the third paragraph, May asks Grant to lift it over her head again (?) but then he rips it off? Must have been some shirt. It was so confusing!

Commas are not in the correct places as well. It's great using adjectives as descriptors, however the natural pauses one uses when speaking or writing are being run together. It makes the words/thoughts/actions seem jumbled. Spellcheck would be fantastic as well as proof reading. You're missing a lot of simple things, like though instead of thought or she instead of he and vice versa.

It's a pretty good story but the grammar issues are making it a difficult read.

Reread it and you'll see where it says they found excuses to leave. To the author, lovely story.