All Comments on 'Golden Wishes Ch. 00 Prologue'

Could be the beginning of a good story but to short.

Missing the rest of the story....

You need to make your submissions longer. All you put in this session was the bad stuff and nothing to keep us reading.

I cant vote as yet as its to short an introduction. Need more detailed descriptions

What you were doing before beaten up.

Stating your a juior a university

What happen to ur friend who was sleeping / being beaten by the asshole ?

You will need about 7-9 pages of typed manuscript for each page on this site. Good intro, but too short.

Maybe in a week if there is not at least one full chapter, this will definitely be worth a two because of its length.

As others mentioned, this was too short. We haven't gotten into the story enough to be invested in any character so we have little reason to be watching for more.

I also had a hard time with that Matt character. It didn't seem like he could expect to get away with the shit he did if someone stood up to him. Example, if jason just called the cops and reported the assault, the damage and fingerprints on the laptop as well as Dawn giving a little background would probable net an arrest and restraining order. Mark would probably roll also after his bros dropped him. Too over the top. Hard to believe he was popular or that so much of the student body would be siding with him. Feared maybe but nothing positive.

But still a great start. That opening log entry has me wondering. I will try to keep my eyes out for more.

You had a description that had nothing to do with what was written. Also Matt's behavior was over the top. That's assault, destruction of private property and a whole host of other issues. Any of which would get those kids in trouble with the police, school administration, and coaching staff. I feel cheated by the lack of follow through on the description. Keep writing!

Bear with me guys, this is the first time I've ever written here. I really do appreciate the constructive crisiticism here and I'll take them all too consideration into the shaping of this story in the next chapter.

Thank you all so much!

-DataGrowth

Got me interested but a little short. I don't mind when people only post one page long chapters as long as its at a decent pace. Only thing I ask is if you continue the story please finish it and don't leave it half done.

So, yes, I realize this is an amateur website, but just from this first chapter, I like your style. That being said, you are clearly taking someone else's story and modifying it a bit. you changed some details, but it looks like you have taken the work of 800IbGorrilas'" A Beautiful Wish" and Joe Brolly's "Genie Chronicles" and I story I remember being called Perfect Wishes or similar. I realize there are only so many ways to begin a Genie story, but please try and make your own, otherwise it becomes reductive.

I will not try to justify my work being original, and yes, I give the two authors the majority of my credit when it came to the inspiration to start writing this. What drove me to actually act on creating another series similar to the two were the comments that I saw namely in 800lbGorrila's work. There were multiple comments that I found that asked for more of the story or even for another person to write similar to it.

In time, I will likely create my own original work, but this series specifically will remain to be heavily based on the two stories, sorry if that comes as a disappointment to you. At the very best I will try to add my own variants and twists to the story to make it as unique as it can within capability.

-DataGrowth

At least you are writing and the story has so many possibilities.

Keep up the work, as you go along you will improve, length is of each chapter is not a concern its content, all writers have learning curves just learn as you go along.

Being a perfect wish and genie chronicle follower all we ask is that the story is completed, one of the most consistent events in genie writing is the stories never are completed weird but true.

I disagree about Matt, people get away with way worse in real life so personally I don't see it way over the top.

As for the story it's gonna be intresting to see how his genie affects his life, school kid with a genie makes for a good read and different to the other stories, yes I know a beautiful wish was similar but it didn't have the interaction between others outside there little bubble much before it ended so this should be fun to read provided you get to that point without the legendary genie story stopping lol

Yes too short for my hunger and the vessel just dropping on him from one little call seemed a little too easy, trust me I've asked alot lol even tho he seems deserving

If you absolutely cannot stand unfinished stories or series then best not to start reading this one.

It is yet another victim of the Lit. genie curse.