All Comments on 'Grey'

sad, but the challenge of coming back to the sun light is worth the effort

You vividly describe nothing! This is the second posting for you and the result is the same. You use wonderful, vivid language to describe nothing. I get to the end and have idea what you trying communicate. Who is Greta? Why/how did a gang take/kill her children?

A story has to contain more than just descriptions. Next time try writing an actual story.

Your message IS clearer this time. This appears to be a dirty that had nothing to do b with cheating (thank you), but a marriage that has been killed by gang violence. The father busy overseas, the mother working her charities or causes, the innocent little boys grew up and were killed when they fell into gang life due to neglect or something like it. Right? Parents can't cope, mothers living with a killer, fathers living with a wife who didn't notice the kids were in a gang both no longer have their kids, marriage dies.

The only thing suoer unclear here is who Greta is. Another dead kid? Or the daughter that the maritally broken parents don't give a fuck about? There's zero clarity there.

Your stories drop emotion but there needs to be more insight to the characters as well as the plot.

But this goes way past simple melancholy . If this is a therapeutic device for you , then I truly pray that you find some peace .

Very intense. So hard to plumb those depths. Please keep going.

Just because YOU know what a story is about doesn't mean WE do, you use so many descriptions, yet we know fuck all about this story.

Who what where why. I had no idea what this was about other than their children died. Who was Greta, how did the children die, why did whatever happened happen. If this is going to be the expected content then hey give as all a break and prevent us having to read it it or even open it up. What a waste of time.

Something happened and she is unhappy about it.

Even as an impressionistic mood piece, it doesn't work. Too short, only the vaguest of hints.

Grim tale with some suggestions about the past but leaving to many questions in the readers mind to allow the full effect.

Someone told you that adjectives make a more interesting story and they often do, but you really need some verbs as well. Peeling paint? I am unsure what to say about this except it was unpleasant as hell. Maybe it was meant as a description of hell?

Any parent that has lost a child understands....two would be mind killing. Thoughtful but seemingly incomplete.

to be buried. TK U MLJ LV NV

So what was the event? Details!

JimC

I loved this. The story was well written, had loads of subliminal messages to absorb and left enough for the reader to imagine for themselves. I only ever comment on what I regard as a good story. So . . . other authors, have I commented on you yet? Hahaha!

# 1 Totally missed the mark. Far too many questions and not enough substance . Short stories must provide some insight .

Too grey for my liking. Short powerful tale about feeling empty, so empty there are no feelings, no hope, no tomorrow. It's about a state of mind. The details are not relevant. Different to what I usually read here..

I'd like to see more, please.

This soory shit story has nothing to do with LW in any way shape or form. Putting it here is just a dick move from an asshole.

Really well written, sparse and grey, a very bleak shade of grey indeed. Does it belong in loving wives, maybe, maybe not but where else does it go. It is about a husband and wife after all and each of them is essentially cheating the other out of life. The story could be expanded a bit, but the bare bones are there and maybe I don't want more details early this morning.

You must have known you would get grief from the annoy crowd that cannot read anything they cannot beat their lonesome meat too. Keep writing. Better than most stories because it made.people think. Look how many responses.

A stream of consciousness exercise from freshman creative writing. Just stop.

due to the evocative and poignancy of the writing. However I challenge this writer to craft a more complete tale, one that gives us a deeper sense of the characters and what happened. These little vignettes are fine, but honestly the readership hungers for quality writing, so we want to see you sprout into a Mainefiddlehead or something like that.

Maybe you are writing to work out some personal issues, if so, hope it is working.

but your potential is astounding. I'd love to see what you can do when you really put your mind to it.

I would like more but what there is, is good.

Leaves us all sad and wanting more than it is possible to get out of the group of excellent words. I suspect the author conquered his objective.

Why is she drinking a cup of a small town in India? I'll bet you intended for us to think she is drinking Darjeeling tea. But if its important for us to know what town it comes from, why isn't it important for us to know if it is the black, green, white, or oolong? Unless you meant to tell us she's drinking some other beverage from Darjeeling, such as beer, or water. Since what she is actually drinking is irrelevant, what difference does it make where it comes from?

A lot of your descriptions read like stage play instructions for actors. Walk here, pick this up, switch this switch, to the on position. You already told us its getting dark outside, why would she switch the switch to the off position?

Did the children die in a flood, or maybe get struck by lightening? I was just wondering what the storm had done to them to explain why it was weeping with shame. Very poetic. Wish it meant something.

Well it appears to have meant something to many other readers. Congratulations. Don't mind me, I don't like abstract painting either.

wasn't worth the time it took to read or the space it took up on the computer

A pungent story...I agree that it leaves a lot of details in the shadows, but the main point is to show how a mother and a father are destroyed by the death of their children...It's one of the worst situations someone can live...4*

Pungent: having a sharply strong taste or smell.

Poignant: evoking a keen sense of sadness or regret.

Was it pungent or poignant in your opinion?

@impo

How can you say anything about the situation with the information, or more importantly lack of information, given?

Is Greta a daughter, a sister, a lover, the wife at the table, some second personality, a faithful dog? What?

I get that a gang killed their sons, though not why. I get that they're unable to move on because of the pain between them. But who is this Greta?

But really, it makes no sense as to why. Who is Greta and what happened with what gang? How old were the kids? No answers to the questions.

It told a story but very choppy. More development.

to add a disclaimer that you make no money from this? How is that a disclaimer, any way? What is the point?

But you will have to publish a few more 'stories' to be sure. Unfortunately, all we have so far are a couple of chapters which may not even be from the same story. Best grade I can give so far is INCOMPLETE.

Jumped over the moon!!!!

Trying to be clever is not the same as being clever. You seem to be totally unaware of your audience and have chosen not to think of them in your composition.

It is one of the biggest reasons writers fail.

Beautiful

Writing depressing scenes is relatively easy. You’ve tried to impress us with your vocabulary and ability to paint pictures with words but I sense morbid for the sake of morbid. Unsatisfying.

this just doesn't work for me. It's describes emotion, but without context it doesn't convey that emotion to the reader very well.

Well written but hollow, because you left far too much unsaid.

It was like reading a really detailed description of a short straight line. Without a third dimension of an actual plot, there's not enough depth to the story for it to have any kind of emotional impact or resonance.

Could have been great with a little.more story.

...but not the reason. Readers need to know the who and the why. But what you did was good.

Absolutely some great writing. Rarely do I feel what the writer puts to page here, VERY rarely but I did here.

There should have more though, we got a glimpse of some of it but not enough.

5 stars. Sometimes the lack of feeling is the saddest thing imaginable.

I never understood why people can't use their imagination when reading a short story. What more do you think should have been written? Think about it, "I don't know, maybe-" That! That's the rest of the story. Simple!