Half a Loaf

"Frankie came in and rescued me. I owe him. And we've got two wonderful sons."

"But I don't love him. And, I think that just may be part of the reason I thought sex with him was so good, aside from him not wearing a condom, was the thrill of the cheat. After you left, things seemed to go down a notch physically between Frankie and me. And no, he never could do to me the things you do to me with that talented tongue of yours!"

With that, I stuck my talented tongue down her throat, before moving down between her legs again for two more screaming orgasms. I'm sure the neighbors in the room next to ours weren't happy with us, but I didn't care.

I made sure she got showered, dried and out the door a little after 9, but not before setting up a "late shopping trip with the girls" for the next Thursday.

I took her back to Boselli's, a nice little Italian place, on the next Thursday. As we sat and ate, I took in her beautiful face, looking deeply into those light blue eyes.

"Aren't you afraid he's going to get suspicious? This is the third straight week you've been out," I finally said.

"No, I go out about once a week almost every week. Frankie trusts me completely. He knows I wouldn't cheat on him."

"Past tense on that one," I interjected. She blushed deeply. "You know, there was a time I thought the exact same thing as Frankie. You do realize your track record isn't very good?"

It wasn't said with malice; I was merely stating a fact. I don't think she had given it much thought until I said it out loud. Her face scrunched up a bit as she chewed her lasagna.

"Are we going to fight now? I was so hoping for a repeat of the last two weeks at your hotel room."

"You're on for that, missy. No fighting. I'm sorry."

We finished off a great meal by splitting a piece of cheesecake. We then went back to the hotel, where I gave her the asked-for repeat performance, and then some. This time, the neighbors actually did complain to the front desk about the noise, and an assistant manager came to the room toward the end of our session and asked us to turn it down a couple of notches. Honestly, Traci tried, but I'm not sure she was successful.

As had been the case the last two weeks, I talked to her from the bathroom doorway as she finished getting ready to go home after her shower. This time, however, I didn't set up another play date. Friday was going to be my last day in town, so this was goodbye.

"What about us?" she inquired, looking more than a little shocked.

"Traci, there is no us," I said matter-of-factly. "For me, this was just great sex with a beautiful woman to whom I used to be married. To some extent, it was revenge against Frankie for stealing my wife, but I find I no longer have the desire to rub his face in it, not shoot him in the balls.

"For you, I was hoping that it was just great sex with a man to whom you used to be married; maybe done as sort of a payback for what you did to us 10 years ago. But I can see that you thought there was more to this. Traci, I never said anything that would you give the thought that there was more to this. You need to go home to Frankie and the kids, and love them with everything you've got.

"B-b-but I thought maybe we could give us another shot," she stammered, on the verge of tears. "I told you, I still love you, and I can tell by how you treat me and how we are in bed that you still love me. I foolishly gave you up once. I have sincerely apologized repeatedly, and will go to my grave loving you. Can't we give us another shot?"

"Decisions have consequences, Traci. I thought you would have learned that 10 years ago, when you decided to follow your urges and break your wedding vows. Then you decided that another man's baby was more important to you than our marriage. I know it's tough to believe, Traci, but not everything revolves around you. Running off with me might make you happy, but what about Frankie, Eliseo, and Alexander? Go home to them, and give them every ounce of love you have. Consider this an aberration - one you will never do again - with an old, dear friend.

"When we divorced, I totally hated you. You know, most people think hatred is the exact opposite of love, but I've found that it's not. It's more like love's first cousin - once removed. I hated you because I loved you so much.

"But these last few weeks have shown me that sometimes you can go home again. I still love you, but not near with the ferocity I once did. And because of that, I've found I no longer hate you."

Traci had started crying silently while I finished my little speech. I walked over to her and gave her my best, one step below bone-crunching hug. She hugged me back hard, and whispered "Thanks" in my ear. She then dried her face a second time and re-applied her makeup. We chatted innocuously while she got dressed, then she came to me for a quick, harmless peck on the lips, another big hug, and then she walked through the door.

For the record, I have no idea where all that came from. When I first found out I was going back to my old city, I thought about Traci a lot. Then I thought about fucking her and stealing her back from Frankie. Then I thought about just fucking her several times and leaving her hanging out to dry, her relationship with Frankie be damned after I made sure Frankie knew that she was cheating with me.

Maybe it was a closure thing, I don't know - I'm not a psychologist. Maybe cheating with Traci behind Frankie's back just three times was all I needed for my revenge thing for him. Maybe it was Traci admitting to me that she fucked up and had settled for second best was all I needed for my revenge thing for her. Somewhere along the way, this cloud of self-doubt cleared, and I find myself suddenly optimistic that there is a woman out there just waiting for me to spend the rest of her life with. And now it's my job to find her.

Epilogue:

I've got a few minutes to type this epilogue, because my wife, Ashley, is again taking her darn sweet time getting ready for a night out. Actually, she doesn't know it, but we're heading over to a surprise 20th anniversary party I am throwing for her at a hall downtown.

Yup, I found one. Took me about a year to find her, and then about another year to get her to the altar, but I wanted to take my time and make sure this was the one. Two is my catch limit.

I found her among a group of admins at my place of employment. She had transferred in from the Los Angeles office, and I passed her in the break room while grabbing my morning coffee. She is as tall as I am - 5-11 - with long straight blonde hair down to her waist. I am a sucker for really long hair on a woman, and that fact that she was probably 38-26-36 didn't hurt either. We struck up a conversation, and I quickly found out she was divorced about three years ago, and decided to see if there were any good men in the Midwest. She was 35, and like me, didn't have any children.

Apparently, I am easy to talk to (who knew?) because I found all this out in 10 minutes in the break room. I found out a whole lot more at dinner two nights later. She chewed my arm off with her rambling conversation on a variety of subjects, and about the most I could get in was an occasional "hmmpphh." I was completely smitten.

One of the subjects she got around to at dinner was her marriage and divorce. Seems she was married for eight years to a serial cheater, and he eventually knocked up his last conquest. So to say she valued fidelity was a strong understatement, and music to my ears.

I related my own marital woes in one of those rare moments I got to talk, and I found out that she could be a good listener when it was her turn. She said she was particularly impressed with the fact that I didn't wind up punishing Traci and Frankie after it looked like that was my original plan.

I have to admit I checked Ashley out hard, even to the point of having a private investigator dig into her background. So sue me, but burned once, not stupid twice.

We were married a little after I turned 40, and for my 43rd birthday she gave me the absolute greatest present ever - our son Grant. He's made me proud almost every day of his 17 years now.

Every now and then I send a text to Traci to inquire about how things are going. She and Frankie recently celebrated their 31st anniversary. I think they are going to make the long haul. Eliseo is now 32 years old and is serving in the United States Marines, and Alexander is 29 and an attorney in Cleveland. The kids have given Traci and Frankie four beautiful grandkids from the photos I get every now and then.

Ashley knows I occasionally correspond with Traci, and after a few years, Traci told Frankie about our occasional texts. I know he wasn't happy about that at first, but he seemed to take solace when Traci pointed out that I never tried to hurt him physically for breaking up our marriage.

No, Traci and Frankie didn't get invited to my wedding with Ashley, but when she found out that I had gotten married, she wished me the best of luck. And, since I finally had someone of my own, she said she was dropping the "love quotient" down to just 3 percent when she closes her texts with the words "I will always love you."