All Comments on 'Happy Birthday'

A few thoughts:

- This story has great potential. A bit more suspense after Lia walks in the house would get the reader going a bit more.

- Is it Jessica, Jessie, or Jess? I get the nickname, but I'd suggest using one pet name, not two. It got a bit distracting. Just a bit, but an easy fix to make.

- Was this their first threesome? You don't really say... Had Jess been with a woman before, or was that a first, too?

- He moved in and out of Lia's holes a little too quickly. What's the hurry? (Not like I'd be able to last long, but hey, this is fantasy, right?)

- I'm guessing you lost more than a few of your readers with the ass-to-mouth finish. While passion can inspire acts you didn't think you were capable of, that particular routine seems like a stretch for many.

The makings of a good story are there - just polish it up a little bit.