All Comments on 'Hawaiian Punched Ch. 01'

I loved this story very much. I started reading it while at work but didn't get very far before I got distracted. But then I found myself thinking about it all evening. I brought my iPad to bed with me and used the history to get me back to Valerie's living room. I found myself responding the same way Lisa did. In fact, I found myself wishing that it was my name she was using when she said,

"My-oh-my, What a naughty wet pussy you have, Margaret. You're either a closet lesbian or a closet submissive, or both."

I loved the way you described their conflict. I have no clue when it comes to the fight scene you described, but that is what made it such a good read. You didn't lose me by going over my head and I could picture the conflict perfectly.

I am looking forward to reading part 2. But before i move on, I wanted you to know it was easy for me to give this story 5-stars.

I read this several times, and little details just kept coming out. After just 1 short chapter I feel like I know something about these characters personalities and their relationship with each other. The description never got in the way of the action. There was no pause to talk about "her c-cup tits" or any of that. And there were little details, like the Hawaii setting and the orgasm described as an underwater earthquake, the dust bunnies that showed that she paid attention to details, but that her friend was less obsessive and had probably put up with the narrator's silent condescension for a while before the straw that broke the camels back.

I think the scene where Valerie forced Lisa to exercise was smoking hot! Valerie's calm and easy control of the formerly powerful Lisa was so subtle, yet so strong. In less then 5 minutes Lisa goes from a powerful business woman, to a helpless slave forced to exercise at the command of her stronger and more fit Mistress. Could you include similar scenes in later chapters, maybe with Lisa nude? And I know that's not the main theme of the story, as Valerie can easily control her slave without bonds, but maybe a little bondage too, anyway?

A fantastic start.

enjoyed story

Great start. This story got me excited. ❇ ▪ ↪