All Comments on 'Hayley's Party Ch. 01 Pt. B'

For me it's to long.But I liked it

I was thinking "this is too long" as I was posting it. It kindof grew on me as I wrote it - this section is 25k words and really, I'd like to get ruthless with it and cut the length in half. Alas, that takes time and to be honest, right now I'd rather finish writing Part C and get down to "Hayley squeals her little head off". Anyhow, hope you're all enjoying Hayley's anticipation of the main event, lengthy as it is......

I don't mind the length so much. Just the waiting. The whole series is off to a great start but I worry that like so many other series here on Lit you will get burned out and quit. Or it will be a year or more between new additions. Keep up the great work, I am enjoying it! :)

You have a great command of language which you use really well to convey the sense and emotion of your story. While I struggled a bit with the length I definitely enjoyed the story.

I have really enjoyed reading this series. The thought of Hayley getting her fill is very nice. She seems like the perfect slut. What a tale you weave!

Wow. Amazing story. Very hot! Thanks for writing it.++

Excellent tease. A bit long, yes, but excellent writing and visualization.

Hayley was my heroine -- until chapter 3. Disappointing that she fell under Joe's spell so easily. It sort of evaporated my good feelings for the characters.

Mostly excellent writing except for naive errors that jolt the observant reader from the otherwise excellent discourse. Examples:

• Use of apostrophe-s for making plurals.

• Problem with homonyms: "A tight black knitted cotton tank top that was a size to [too] small finished my outfit off."

• Misuse of pronouns in compound subjects after a preposition: "Joe was coming upstairs with Steve and I. (with Steve and me) Or was it Steve coming upstairs with Joe and I? (ditto) (But used correctly after "for": "To the attic bedroom with its four poster bed that was now waiting for Steve and me! For Joe and me. For Joe and Steve and me."--all correct)

Bah? BAH? OMG. Sheep are reading my stories? I don't believe it. And giving me 1* ratings? The horror! The shame! The fits of giggles LOL

If you don't like it why keep reading it, go and play with yourself elsewhere if you've got no useful contribution to make.

Fun story but hard to hope things work out for Hayley. I really wanted her to be stronger/smarter than to get so easily roped in by Joe who is a written perfectly as a super tool. A proper friend wouldn't shit on years of friendship over a piece of ass and I was certain Hayley would come around see that. Still very well told so far.

Ah, read on snonymous, read on. By chapter 5 or so things become clearer. All is not as it seems.

This is the longest and the best written stroke story I can remember reading* - the pacing and the dialogue are perfect - and the characterizations - the paralyzed Steve - the ever so eager but horribly conflicted Hayley - the supremely confident Joe (asshole that he is - going bareback against the woman's wishes)

You haven't shown any sentimentality - Steve doesn't act when Joe offers him the chance to go first (if he had I think you could have had him (Joe) shove him (Steve) aside or Steve would try to go first and would ejaculate prematurely

* Dottie's defloration scene in Mary McCarthy's "The Group" is short and definitely non-stroke, but almost sixty years after I first read it I remember it almost perfectly