All Comments on 'Hayley's Party Ch. 02'

Mmmm... a deliciously erotic sidestep into young Haleys sexual awakening. The storyline develops nicely with only a very acceptable amount of typo oopses. I counted 3. I am on the edge of my seat awaiting Haleys next sexploits. Bravo to the author!

into the mind of a young woman learning about the joys of sex. I love the way Hayley describes her feelings.

It will be interesting to see where you go from here. Hayley's head is still a mess, which I guess is the point of the story. She's prepared to go out again with a guy, Brad, who seems to only be in it for the sex, and who effectively face-raped her. Still don't like the base story, but you do a very nice job with it. Now that we're in 100% your work, I wish you'd completely rewritten the earlier story. I much prefer your voice.

You're a hard taskmaster (she says with a grin) Anonymous! I may try a complete rewrite of Part 1 as you suggest, time permitting. Anyhow, Part 3 coming soon. Part 4 has a bit of a twist and will more or less segue into Part 5. Part 4 is already more or less done but I have a bit of a gap in Part 3 to fill in first. Anyhow, appreciate your comments and feedback. And you may see a little from the comments from Part 1 included in Part 3.

.......Chloe

Part Two lacked the "cuckolding" in front of Steve that rang my bell.

There are lots of different kinks a writer might appeal to, and I know that my own are in the minority. For me, the "cheating" stories I like best are not merely about "blatant female lasciviousness," which is the central trope of a lot of erotic writing. A woman whose genitals cannot be subdued exhausts one man after another. She cannot remain faithful, because she cannot resist anybody's penis. The Insatiable Woman. Sexually superior because she masters any man who couples with her.

Much old porn was written along those lines, because anything "kinkier" than that might not find an audience. The men in these stories may have been cads, but their dames were sluts and whores. People who might have liked other kinds of erotica were vaguely deviant, and might not be numerous enough to buy the book.

The "cheating" threads I like most involve the shame and humiliation of the man cheated upon. Please bring Steve back in Chapter 3, and let one "better man" or another lord it over him, rub his face in it. Creampie! Semi-public disgrace!!

Don

It would be great if you could make more of the raceplay. Innocent chinese girl submitting to superior white cock - particularly of a blonde hair blue eyed stud.

I want to see where this goes. Does she stay with her boyfriend, even if she has other men to give her what she needs?

Just submitted Parts 3 and 4 which will partly answer your question. Partly.... probably take them a day or two to get thru the process before they're up online but they're in ..... They did kind of take me down a slightly unplanned path as I wrote them. The story is kind of evolving and taking on its own life in my head, so to speak, and heading off not quite as I'd pictured it but I hope you enjoy.

I enjoyed both yoru stories, especially the preg risk aspect of the first one and hope you will continue with that in the next installments.

I had a girlfriend some what like this. Only difference was I wasn't around when my friend took her virginity. Either they had planned it before hand or they just met up spontaneously but it doesn't really matter. The day my friend told me (the day after they did it) was the last time I talked to either of them. There was no need for violence even though at the time I wanted to beat both of them. It didn't take long for him to also treat her like shit and they broke up. She spent the next few years doing anything with a pulse. Now she's got three kids with three fathers and lives on welfare and her kids where taken by the state. She was used by this guy and thrown away.

Now there are women who are sexually adventurous and are able to make any man do what they want. But they also don't make the guy feel like they are being used and there are no hurt feelings. This girl seems like she is the one being used.

I don't feel sorry for Steve and he would be a better man to just move on and never look back.

What happened to Chapter 1?

I'm busy doing a rewrite. As had been mentioned, it was a bit too close to the original story I based it on ("Miaw") and I'd copied a bit too much. So it's down for a rewrite which will be ALL my own wording. Should be better for it and there'll be a lot more back story as a result.

......Chloe

Great story, Ms. Tzang-! I love the whole series so far. Very erotic, and believable. For me the best erotica has a mix of fantasy and reality, and I can see most of the events in your stories happening. I love how Hayley expresses her doubts and concerns.. as well as how she just goes for it, or surrenders to the moment-! Looking forward to more installments. Thanks!

The story line was well built with the support of the family and the masculinize of Brad.

Why not chapter 1?

I enjoy the writing style, it seems so realistic to how an experience would happen. Anxiously waiting for Chapter 1 to be republished. Looking forward to Hayley gaining more experience, to the benefit of all who read this.

How I wish I was Brad, but that is the beauty of a well written story. All I have to do is close my eyes.

Okay, Chapter 1 has been resubmitted (in 3 parts - A, B and C) because the rewrite turned into a bit more than a rewrite. It went from 10,000 words to 45,000 words so I broke it up. Literotica should have it up in 2 or 3 days with a bit of luck. Sorry about the wait guys.....

The secret is about to unfold

Upstairs before the night's too old

Tonights the night

It's gonna be alright.....

Just make sure you have Rod Stewart's "Tonight's the Night" playing while you read. And Nightwish - "While Your Lips Are Still Red."

She doesn't even think about Steve the next morning? Wow! That's some serious love right there! But most sluts only love one thing, and this one is just getting started. Lol.

It’s very plausible that a young girl would react that way after her boyfriend let his friend get her first.

Good story and hot how she is discovers she likes sucking cock.