All Comments on 'He Left His Heart in San Francisco'

I liked your story. The ending seemed too brief but otherwise an enjoyable read.

Silicon valley is not in San Francisco. No therapists do marriage counseling in groups, especially in the beginning. It all went limp at the end. And...Norcal sucks! Just one more thing, using an anacronistic word like 'whilst,' over and over is amateurish at best.

MattblackUK, your coming close to how MattM writes the males in his stories. Here another story you wrote where the husband is so much of a pussy he should be wearing panties.

1. Threw himself into his course work.

2. Took a year out to recover.

You kinda lost me there. 2*

It's still commonly used by those with a reasonable command of the English language.

Having said that, I agree the the main character didn't come across as realistic; I'm not talking about revenge (although that would have been justifiable), but there wasn't even any real anger.

There was also what appeared to be hundred-metre dash to the ending which made the whole thing a lot less satisfactory than it might have been. Then, of course, there was the cliche of the two victims getting together and living happily ever after. Sorry, it was a decent beginning, it sagged in the middle, and the ending was just poor.

with any of your characters. And the story didn't have much originality. The best I can do is give it 3*

i feel the story is unfinished,or at least part of it is missing.The first half was really promising. still enjoyed it

permeates the whole area and those touched by it, TK U MLJ LV NV

Enjoyed the story, but the writing was juvenile...find someone to edit your tales.

Where is the justice? where is the payback? where is the payoff? Where is the ending?

Personally i find cheaters saying they still love their spouse funny. No judge should allow a 50/50 split in court it should all go to the one hurt not the cheater. The cheating party regardless of circumstances should get 0 and even that is to much.

She was a slut and cheated on him knowing he didn't approve she doesn't deserve to be given any respect i would have told her family and friends of her adultery.

"Mitchell Clifton was a good man" In what universe?

to find any shred of something about Alana to admire after what over a 2 year period she and her new lover had done. She lied, she manipulated, she committed adultery, she forced her husband to eat her new lover's cum from after yet another of her husband's made up trips thanks to her new lover. She planned to have her lover's baby and pass it off as her husband's, and it all started by her new lover convincing her to swing even though she knew perfectly well her husband was flat against it. All told she proved to be a lying, cheating, extremely selfish CUNT (a cunt is far worse than a slut because a cunt is just flat dumb).

Whilst is a common UK term, not so much known to those who vacation in Branson Missouri.

I thought the characters were weak, and what we got of them was black and white. Having a wimpy male lead is OK, but the LE audience is not too sympathetic, as you saw.. Also the family cataclysm seemed an unnecessary plot element. He seemed an introverted nerd as it was. So it needed a bit more to get much past an average score.

Brandon is a whimp

brandon was a weak man. at least he got sandy to stand for him..

alana was a back stabbing bitch who two timed her loving husband and even want to have her lovers baby and yet she gets off scott free. no justice here.no real payback just a divorce and sandy is the big winner...

It's not like he likes this or wants to see it happen at all. Neither does he feel that it somehow has to happen and he can't stop it. His thought process appears to just be total shock and paralysis (which isn't really unreasonable guys. He married a whore who loved humiliating him. Let's give him at least an hour or two to handle that.) but ten immediately transitions into anger and heading for the divorce to keep his self-respect. He didn't suddenly transform into Rambo here, but the guy was a realistic character who had genuine pain over what happened to him but also some pride and self-respect. No wimps here, I think. I would have liked to see a bit more of the romance and healing between Brandon and Sandy though.

not enough negative energy from the (crying) husband. no hate, but plenty of crying from the wimpy husband.

Your stories are pretty decent and have a lot of potential. Keep writing and get a good editor to help you. Don't let the anons drive you off like they do the other writers. I have to go look for them at their alternate site to read their stories now. Take the creative advice and criticism that rings true to you and use it to improve your writing.

The story was brief, it had a beginning, middle and end, it lacked detail, as in what what all 4 did once it was discovered what had been going on and what they did during the divorce. The emotions on all 4 sides. Was there any tricks the cheaters try to use to stop the divorce? Don't get me wrong it is a good story but I believe you could have done it better with more detail. Well just the a thought but all in all good story.

The first words the reader hears from Sweetie are how Hubby feels about swinging! (It didn't suggest she was in favor...yeah!) The second words we hear are her excitement about his future travel and horror that he might give it up to stay home! The only character who is halfway developed is Hubby, who still consults with his crispy (hey, it IS fiction, and I didn't burn her up after they got smooshed by a semi!) Angel-Paige!

Thank you, Anon, for the observation that he buckled down to his studies during the year he took off, while in counseling in the school he's NOT attending that year! And the Anon who noted that Mitch is NOT a good man. The author misunderstood Sweetie Alana when she said "A hard man is good to find!" (Originally attributed to Mae West - or was that Eve?)

Maybe a 3*

But whilst living in San Francisco/Santa Clara, I didn't give a damn about the difference. And I still don't.

I like the second chance and it would have been better a longer epiloge with DNA test proof children by Brandon and Sandy. Conseqence story and almost a Romantic Revenge Story, but almost............

So many stories would have them state that the talk about making eat Mitch's cum and having Mitch's baby, etc. was just that, talk. On the one hand, at least you didn't have that cliche. On the other hand, it pretty much paints them as sociopaths. They never deny that the did and planned all of the, but she LOVES him. From what you wrote, she actually seems to believe this. She only seems to fully understand this in front of a therapist, who, if was worth anything, should have realized such a gross disconnect between her actions and what she thinks she is doing. (Mitch, too, but it seems to apply even more so to her.) Bullshit.

<P>

As a result, you didn't create characters but caricatures.

Gave you a 5.

because you fell into the trap of the hurt spouses marrying. This is being used far too much and does not actually happen that often. A realistic ending would be they take time to grow beyond their pain and realize that they are only linked by that pain. So the happy ending would be he sues Mitch for breaking the company policy on fraternization so he gets even less out of the divorce. Then Brandon takes a couple years to grow a little more and then finally finds his "Paige" and marries, a hurt but wiser man by that time. And Sandy takes her part of the company and remakes it into an even better company, meets someone of like mind and marries. THey both finally have children and realize that wife swapping is not just stupid but destructive to a relationship.

with san francisce but why are the scores so low? this is a nice little story.

<p>It was a little short and it needed some continuity checks. Several people pointed out the problem with his year off but there was also a problem with his trip to the bug house. It read Sandy took him but Alana checked him in and visited him while he was there. From the context, it should have read Sandy instead of Alana.

<p>Also, I beg to differ about Michael being a good man. He was, in fact, a first class shit and, along with Alana, deserved considerably more than he got. The outcome was probably closer to reality than the rather trite "our mild-mannered, meek hero was really a kungfu stone killer who made seals look like pansies, torch the bitch and salt earth kind of guy."

<p>Keep writing.

The story seemed real slow. Good read just slow. Thanks for sharing.

...is he like the head moolah?....

Alana not only.cheats but cucks him,humiliates him to the nth degree and claims to love him? You dont bother to explain that..was she always contemptuous of him?Was sge turned on by doing that? If she loved him why didn't she even apologize or try to explain? Mitch likewise doesn't even seem to care about his wife or that he hurt brandon......or that he was putting his business at risk.....the hrink is badly written as well,no shrink would run a session like that or interject themselves into the picture like that. Alana then claims to love Brandon yet dorsn't visit him when he bteaks down...and then at the end says mitch is a good man but brandon was special as if reading a grocery list,emotionless? And it would cost mitch a lot more than half the company,he would be liable for sending brandon out of town for the purpose of fucking alana,he would be toast in a Ca court for all kinds of damages for doing that....but brandon never tries to sue him.

What the story lacks is depth,the characters come off as kids in a grade school play saying lines they dont understand..stories arent telling a plot they are telling about the characters living the plot.

The commenters mentioned the problems with this story.

1. It is right thing Brandon cryed at Sandy first, but it would have been better, if at the main confrontation Brandon would not have been destroyed so deeply.

2. The shrink would have been avoided for him, because he is not woman.

3. Mitchel is not a good man.

Insteaed of this the Author should have shown Mitchel is not an angelic mate for Alana at all , and Brandon and Sandy will have common children, so the simple consequence story would have become a Romantic Revenge Story..............

They get caught in the excitement of it all, so that whatever they do is right. Alana thought Mitchell was a good man. But then, she thought it was OK to cheat on Brandon. An example of fluffy thinking.

A friend got cheated on. They were heart-broken. His wife said: "I didn't think you'd be hurt by this, as you weren't supposed to find out!"

I like the way it worked out and how -

It is interesting he still talked to Paige so long after he had Alana 0 really did say something about his instincts that he failed to let go -

Interesting in how you approached the details - a little short shrift from the counselor but it would not have changed the outcome to go deeper into to Alan's weirdness - she just did not get it until it was way too late, even if it was all just pillow talk.

At least the language was fair. Was interesting to see the strong woman of Sandy, contrasted to the weak little boy character of Brandon. Pretty unbelievable plot but okay for a fantasy.

hope she caught a disease cause that is what cheating is and they all deserve to die.

what a whore.

Alana must have been delusional. Mitchell Clifton was far from a good man. That is unless you call a lying, cheating, conniving bastard a good man. Except for the fact that Sandy owned 1/2 of the company, I'm not sure why Brandon didn't sue his employers for sexual harassment for having made the workplace a hostile environment. Oh, and let's throw in Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress.

Story was a cuckold fantasy with embellishments that did nothing. A man has family and wife to be wiped out in fiery auto crash at the hands of a drunk driver. Man has delusions of talking to dead fiancée. Man marries skank gets job boss takes wife for sex man discovers marriage over. No revenge.no drama....very boring.

Good tale but the premise was wrong. Mitchell the asshole didn't want to divorce because of the money but what was Alana's thought process? She really thought her husband still loved her after all he's been through in his life? She was a real stupid fucking cunt. This tale was more fantasy than fiction as the cheaters lived their fantasy sex life with no thought to their spouses. I think a chapter 2 with a full revenge against the cheating assholes would end this tale the right way. Consider it Matt. You have the talent. Do it.

I cannot believe you yet again had the wronged spouses marry each other and the cheaters marry each other and live happy ever after. It is almost lets swap wives and live happily ever after. No repercussions for the cheaters, nothing.....again the husband is nothing but a proxy cuck sucker who only cries his eyes out and is too wimp ass to do anything.

The very end. In what universe is a friend that would have a 2 year affair with his friends wife, and plan on getting her pregnant, a good man?

He is the lowest of scum. So that last part didnt fit in with the story or the character you made the guy to be.

Could have been better.

Why do so many of the cheaters in your stories seem to think that the only problem is that they got caught, that nothing they did was wrong?

Mitchell was a weasel.

Sandy was blind.

Brandon was a pussy.

Alana was a twat.

THEY should have perished in one big fiery wreck together!

It's Silicon Valley. The most devastating revenge would be Brandon and Sandy taking over ownership of Applied Synergies and shutting Mitchell and Alana out before the company's blockbuster IPO.

Pretty heavy on the pathos. Overdone Imo. Also the wife swap is a bit of a cleche.

On the plus side, very literate writing, pretty good dialog too.

Chilley

Seriously, you had to end it that the lying, backstabbing, SOB was a "good man"?

I liked the story, but why add that when you wrote him to be a vile evil person?

Her saying it also demonstrated no remorse for what she had done.

And the story would have benefited from the cheaters paying a price.

Pretty good story, just a bad ending. I liked the part about the marriage counselor. Finally a marriage counselor with common sense. Nice. I just felt like there should have been some retribution at the end, something to punish the cheating bastards.

Call me crazy but I believe cheating is an act that deserves severe punishment.

Brandon suffered because he was too naive and trusting. Bad people are always around and "out to get you" so you can't relax! I would have preferred a lot more retribution but the author's ending worked. *****

where is the harmony for all. TK U MLJ LV NV

Still not enough retribution, cheating is one thing but two years and all the lying?

You let them off the hook lightly, but at least the "Friend" lost his business, that's something.

Cheating pair got off way too easy. Burn them up, don't sit and cry.

Love your work, but this was below your standards.

if alana's lover was a good man but he wasn't a brandon smart, then 1- why did she take up w/ him(just to try a diff guy?) and 2- why keep the affair going on for 2 yrs?

I know this was a flash"ish" story but you succinctly gave us a pretty clear picture of what was happening until the end. Then you just finished it in about 2 paragraphs. You could have destroyed the cheaters so much worse. No suit by Brandon against Michael ~ his boss ~ who sent him out of town to purposefully seduce his wife... "YES"... that is ILLEGAL everywhere and Brandon could have cleaned him out after his wife got her 50%. Just felt it needed a bit more closure... and of course a little more pain for the backstabbing cheaters. Good, other than super fast ending.

This one just left me feeling blah.........almost mechanical in it's telling.

The ending was too abrupt. So the company sold... which of the four remained employed there? Clearly Brandon and Sandy wouldn’t want to work alongside their exes. I’d expect Sandy to try pushing Mitchell out, and fire Alana. Failing that I’d expect two of the four to leave the Bay Area.

I’d also expect Brandon to force the sale of his house, blocking Alana from living there (she wouldn’t be able to afford it on her own, in that area. and Mitchell would be keeping his cash for his company).

Damn, I just outlined a lot more than the paltry paragraph ending.

...to a desultory story. Meh.

Good story, but it really did end too quickly without sufficient revenge.

Is that really an ending?

Finish the damn story

Sandy was a good fallback for Brandon as she was an admitted swinger although the details of her participation in that were not revealed

Not sure what he is measured against. He lied , cheated on his wife by omission , cheated his best friend and used him , spoke ill of his wife and 'best friend' , carried on an unforgivable relationship with his partner and best friends wife. But I guess he didn't extort money , or kill anyone , so he must have been a good man. Good story though it loses its wheels at the end. Don't need a happy ending , nor any fire and brimstone ending for cheaters . Just some realization that they are such to the people they claim to respect and love. I will read this story again , but try in my mind to imagine a better final few chapters, making the second page as God as the first.

Can you finish the story and apply a little justice?

Good story but just kind of blah

used the money from the settlements to start a new company which became very successful. They retired in their 50's after selling their company. They had 3 children who became leading experts in their field.

Alana and Mitchell's life was not as good however. They also tried to form a hi-tech company but noone wanted to work for them as they had proven themselves to be disloyal to their employees. What had happened at Applied Synergies became well know amongst the Silicon Valley companies and no programmers wanted to work for Mitchell for fear of him stealing their wives.

Mitchell and Alana ended up broke and living in a dump of an apartment. They did stay together for the rest of their lives as they could not seperate because of the guilt they felt. Alan ended up working as a street whore to bring in money and Mitchel worked at the local Crusty Crab as a short order cook until he was fired for spitting in Brandon;s burger. After that he went into a spiral and died at 41 of a drug overdose.

But, why add a comment about the lying, cheating, excuse for a real man being good?

He most certainly is not as you wrote him.

Also her swinging lifestyle needed to be addressed before they married.

Still, great story.

"Mitchell Clifton was a good man..."

Makes sense only as something a delusional Alana would tell herself, otherwise that's a hard sell.

You deserve all the bad things

Could use a more complete ending.

Could you have made the cheated on husband any more pathetic? It is hard to sympathise with a husband who is THAT pathetic. Must be a British thing⭐️⭐️

Good one with the psychological angle with Paige. 5 for that alone. The rest was kind of regular.

LWlurker

a good man? really? did the old word processor mess up that sentence cause surely you wrote that in my mistake or tongue in cheek?

Average

Eh, too short and quick. Sandy should have caught some shit because she'd known for two years and never thought to talk to Brandon about it. Maybe independently verify the claims of your husband. Brandon should have moved on from all of them. 3*

When I read a story, I want to emerge myself into the story as a 3rd party viewer to feel what they feel. I think there was a tiny bit of emotion to the story unlike your others I've read so far but something in the story was missing and I think it may have lacked depth but maybe thats just the writers style.

Why did Brandon not get millions in compensation for the loss of his family.

bet you Alana will have buyers remorse

Light on detail, more like CliftNotes for a longer story. Chop a few words off and it’s a 750 word project.

Very weak and poorly written.rather childish and certainly no talent involved.Pointless undeveloped waste of time.

Dear writer, you need to learn how to write a story properly so that the readers feel worth reading it.

more please

Ha, only bad review's come from Anon's. Excellent story Matt, not a thing needed to be changed but the spouses! 5 BIG ASS FUCKING FLAMING STARS for you Matt. Thank you!

The proper statement would be " Mitchell Clifton was a slime covered piece af shit as was Alana"

Well crafted, clear personalities, clever plot. I give it a 5 with one caveat: I felt very sad after reading the story and wish the author had given us more about the future.

THC

Very good! I like your writing style. This story could have been twice as long it would still have been a nice read. 5*

Alana slut and Mitch arsehole are truly delusional and despicable. They shouldn’t be allowed to procreate.

"After all, Mitchell Clifton was a good man." Really??? 2 stars

In what magical world would there ever be joint court ordered counseling? Well, at least that unreal plot device allowed the counselor to declare right away that reconciliation was impossible.

.

3 ***

Anonymous from June 2023:

Unfair to downgrade it because the cheating ex-wife thought Mitchell Clifton was a good man. She was delusional. She probably thought she was a good woman too.

Bit of a simplistic outcome, but the plot wasn't bad

Well, rather than ending., the story could have continued.

Extending the counseling

Take the lives of the Chester and being miserable with him cheating on her

Alana sees Brandon and Sarah pushing a stroller while she is pushing her baby. Alana baby is unknown and Mitchell thinks it is his baby