All Comments on 'He Reminds Me of My Husband'

Wow is all i can say, just love the storyline.

Thankyou again :)

I hope this isn't it. I mean Josie got off without a scratch, Paul ends up in jail, Maria is confused, this. can't be all there is.

Please don't be like some of these authors and let us use our imaginations. They are your characters, finish it please!!!

The question is, if it premeditated or an accident! Excellent composition and I feel that a short story writer should have the last line of the story in his head before he puts the first word on paper. Excellent execution of good plot.

The story was a very good read but it had a flaw that threw it out of sync. Will sent the video message to Paul from a bedroom somewhere and Paul got it while driving on the Highway just minutes before he hit Will in his parked car.

OOPS

Think about it.

Do you always open a message the minute you receive it? I think not. The message was obviously opened well after it was sent.

It seems simple enough to me.

More like erotic couplings or living wives. Certainly not a romance, and too open ended.

Good writing needs closure.

Its a pretty damm big plothole but why did Will have the ex-sluts phone with him in his car when he sent hubby the video in the first place?

As to the anon who claims the message was sent earlier that does not fit with either the husband's telling of his side of the story in the hotel nor does it fit with Will's car being parked on the side of the road where he obviously was texting hubby.

Wrong category, put it where it belongs you coward.

Not one of your better stories. Disappointing. Plot holes, inconclusive ending, a lot of coincidences, way too many to be beleevable.

Cannot understand why Josie gets off without a scratch. I mean she didn't even have the decency to show up at the trial. What a contemptible bitch, and now she will raise their kids. Nice moral compass...

Wrong category too. Cannot believe you posted this in romance. As one comment said, coward?

Would like a part two, but I don't think you can fix this. The story telling was good, and the plot had potential, in the end though,you failed.

Well written and excellent tale. Thanks for sharing it with us.

I have to ask who is the coward? The person who puts his story out there for all to judge, or the person who hurls abuse from behind their shield of anonymity.

As with many of my stories, this one didn't really fit any of the categories.

Erotic couplings ? No the main focus of the story was not the sex.

Loving Wives? Maybe, since the back stories were about marriage failures

Romance ? Maybe, because it was about a developing relationship between two people.

In the end I did what I have done before, I left it to literotica. I suggested Romance but told them to feel free to change it as it was a far from perfect fit. I have done this before and they have changed category. I hope this answers your questions.

DeYaKen I didn't think to ask due to no chapter 1 in the title but you're comments about "a developing relationship between two people" makes me wonder is there going to be a part 2?

I personally feel this story belongs more in loving wives due to the main characters dealing with the fallout of their spouses cheating actions for much of the story. While at a push, you could get away with erotic couplings due to how the story ends I just don't see "a developing relationship between two people" in this tale as hubby is off to jail and wifey just found out his husband was a cheating scumbag and her so called friends all knew and never told her.

Out of interest why was Paul so eager to go to jail? Was it to piss off the ex wife via no freedom = no job = no money having to be paid to her skanky ass?

but too predictable. But, thanks......

nice story, written in the style and caliber we have come to expect from you. Enjoyed the tale.

thanks for posting

The story was a little predictable in parts and had some plot holes but its hard to write a short story and get all the details in..... Unless you open up your head for all to delve in.

Good story that could be reworked and expanded to a part 2 dealing with the aftermath and potentially reconciliation for the main characters.

Looking forward to the next story already

Well I enjoyed it.

David

Some rather rude and un called for comments here.

I enjoyed it.

Rachel

Thanks for the offering.

could have used an ending...

so what does she do now?

Maria now knows that her husband's death was not an accident. Paul knew Will was in the car and rammed it deliberately. Then he recovered his wife's phone from the wreckage, hid it and pretended not to know who he had killed. Her saying that Paul got five years tells us she has no intention of turning the phone over to the police.

It reminds me of O Henry's short stories. Thanks

some very sad losers and a couple of cheaters. The only unresolved issue is the cheating wife getting off Scott free and with the kids none the wiser?

Paul is not the sort of fellow who is likely to get into trouble serving his sentence, and will likely be out in a couple of years, since Maria has apparently chosen not to do anything with the phone whose memory could establish that her husband's death was murder by Paul and not just a tragic accident. They could meet again. And then there is Paul's wife who still needs to somehow be brought to book for her cheating.

You reap what you sow...the timing and coincidences are

hard to believe...they will probably meet again in five years...

i check the profiles of the harshest literary critics on here and have never found one that has any submissions. this story is one of the best.

I enjoyed this story, with Paul and Maria well drawn and there was romance between them for that night, plus feelings which may continue for both. I understand from my reading of the text that Will's death was not, as some appear to think, deliberate. Paul had no idea that a car had partly pulled off the road to send a vindictive video was occupied by her lover, it was only this Very instance that he was aware of her betrayal and her sick lover's petty cruelty. Will's death is karma personified. Paul was guilty of careless driving through the distraction of looking at his wife's video message while driving; by his own admission to Maria he was used to getting such messages. By meeting Maria, seeing her grief and sharing some fleeting love between, he mouth to her his apology for what he has done, feels he deserves his penalty and hangs his head in shame. A powerful tragedy for all involved in the reader's segment of the tale; Josie's feeling are unknown and, to the reader and characters we have become attached, of no importance.

Will was a cruel bastard and Josie was a vicious, cheating whore. Truly, KARMA knows your address and you wont escape. Why do nice people have such evil spouses?!!

I was expecting something, but I really wasn't expecting that twist.

Very well done story, thank you!

Five stars

Paul could have gotten off of the charges and still let Maria know what a piece of shit she was married to. So what was the point of him confessing, other than to stroke your weird "weakness is strength" perversion? It was silly. It was not chivalrous, it was not compassionate, it was stupid. Or do you have some kind of "dying on the cross" kink? Like, Paul is Jesus, and he offers himself up to redeem, who, what? Maria was a blind arrogant bitch who refused to see her asshole husband for what he was. At least she gave a little pussy to the man who scrubbed her cockroach off the the street. That part was good.

You appear to have much stronger and forceful female characters. Even when they're are evil females they are still strong. You male characters are gentlemen wimps, or just asshole bullies. I don't think you have much respect for men in general. Now that's a story I bet it would be interesting to read. But I doubt you have the cojones to write it. Fits.

Thanks for the effort.

I pressed, and suddenly five pointy things appeared. The only thing different was that the stars you saw were somewhat blacker than mine - maybe my digits work differently from yours - or possibly it's just my imagination!

How does that even happen ? At no time did the defendant say he intended any harm. At no time was he genuinely negligent under the law. That's community service.

Really nice twist.

Was enjoying this till the ending which was just terrible. Needs a better ending and what happens in the aftermath of her finding out.

I can't see how he'd get 5 years, maybe a year or two but not 5.

No romance at all. Was a typical loving wives story, cheating spouses and the poor wimpy husband pays the price.

Great twist. Needs a five year followup. I wonder if it was an accident or He went BTB on her? I would have put this in loving wives but it is your story and I respect where you put it. Actually, now that I rethink it, the surprise at the end was enhanced by being in romance category which usually has an HEA. (Happy Ever After)

in the Romance section.

But the jig was up as soon as we learned that Will was killed in an accident with a lorry.

Ending!

Cheating wife got off. The loving wife got surprised. The husband got 5 years.

The two had sex.

Friends? knew and didn't tell

Sorry FTDS where are you

This should be in loving wifes.

And I expect a sequel in Romance where Maria waits for Paul when he comes free.

Wow - Did NOT see that coming. Well played story arc...now to next story. 5*

Sucks

Jesus fucking christ, that's heartbreaking

Tragic all round.

The storie doesn’t add up, the accident was weeks after the message

Nice, really nice. Well done and very clever. Head and shoulders above the typical story found in the LW.

I find it hard to believe that the cell-provider did not have a list of calls RECEIVED by Paul's phone as well as sent. Given the UK's surveillance ethos, at least the video is probably somewhere in their storage system.

What a horrible story!! Paul was the real victim here!!

Marie seemed like a clueless blonde

No irony here.

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Sorry about the O.

This is one sad tale but a well written one. When sharing stories and the two of them hooked I could not help but think that they were there for the same reason,court,and he may be the driver that ran over her husband.You left the hints in the stories exchanged if a reader really paid attention yet not out right give it away. Very well done..5 stars..JZK..

Outstanding story!

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