All Comments on 'He Shot His Sister'

While your writing is a little jumpy, it gets your point across. Not to bad at all. Enjoyed it. Work on your delivery and you'll be just fine. Keep up the good work, but work on it.

Please continue the story. And maybe have big sister surprise little brother with she quit taking the pill.

The story was pretty good until the end, where it pretty much fell apart. Some of the other spots are jumpy, as another commenter said, but not indecipherable - can't say that of the end. You would benefit from an editor, because you have some good ideas and some hot concepts. The shower scene was really good with the idea of taking photos, although they should look at them later.

Not bad, but the pacing was a little off. Keep going.

I enjoyed this. Your characters were very interesting and pretty nicely developed. As a longer work it does have some pacing issues, but I find the end piece very enjoyable. Thanks

I'm not sure if this is the same comment as some of the others, or maybe this is just me, but I had a hard time reading this. I got the general idea about what was happening, but I just couldn't get into the flow of the story. Sorry.

I enjoyed this story. But, going from ass to pussy (even rubbing the cock across her pussy lips) is an invitation to a nasty infection. It's worse than ass to mouth. There pulled me out of the tender, romantic moment you were trying to create near the end.

Looking forward to reading the follow up story. Not sure where you can take this.

Characters and story are good. You have some great ideas and general writing style is good but it's very jumpy throughout as others have noted. An editor would help to sort out these issues and turn it into the 5* story it deserves.

I liked it over all, and I especially like how you describe your characters physical appearance, not focusing so much on numbers, and keeping them limited. It really allows for your reader to imagine who or want they find appealing to themselves. I do think you could spend a little more on their thoughts, physical reactions, and emotions. For example maybe when they say they love each other, they can feel their heart quiver, contracting in a delicious painful way or something. Or one is so excited that the other can feel them trembling, and how them feel about it. Maybe one or both are more of a yandere towards the other. I read one where the girl was so jealous about another girl talking to her brother, she pulled him into a corner somewhere in a club, and started stuffing her drenched panties down his pants, as if to remind him, and mark her territory. This is just my opinion, but I think showing the emotional attachment would bring it more together.

Keep up the good work.

Like the story so far. Really like the love that Steve and Sherry have for each other. The only slight criticism I would offer is that their relationship went from 0 to 60 without any real build up. One moment Steve was taking photos of Sherry the next they were deeply in love and having sex.

YOU MADE THIS ONE FUN, AND I KIKED IT..................THANKS IT WAS A FUNNY READ

...why oh why dudes in these stories want to knock everybody up.

Do they have to pre on every fire hydrant they pass too?

5 stars, minus one for being so cliche´.

I can see you're trying to portray this chapter as a brother sister love story but, the deliverance and the dialog wasn't there. Good story for Lit. ***