All Comments on 'Heart Strings'

I enjoyed it immensely.

waisted a business degree? collage?

a very well constructed story with a great story line. the references to real life cellist Tina Guo added a nice realism to the story. Keep up the good work!

Well written, natural and mesmerizing. It could so easily have really happened somewhere.

Well crafted read. I enjoyed the tale.

On the negative, I found the plethora of misspelled contractions jarring. Toward the end of the story I thought the dialogue became almost ... cliche, maybe campy. The earlier dialogue was excellent.

I was hooked by the first page. 3/4 of the way through, I didn't care if they had sex or not. The misspellings were a very minor distraction but, overall, this was one of the most powerful stories here.

Thank you so much.

You tell a beautiful story and develop a deep, emotionall bond between your characters. And you certainly know music. If you had an editor -- or even a proofreader -- to clean up the structural problems, misspellings and typos, this would be among the best stories I've read here. Thanks.

Our society is so out of it when it comes to true love. Incest is just a word invented by people who don't understand anything but how they need to be in-control. Love and music break all barriers. When it comes to love it shouldn't matter if it's your sister, mother, father, or brother or the person down the street it's love the most natural thing created. Even the bible has been misquoted when it comes to so-called incest. The story of Lot and his two daughters is the only place it's mentioned. As long as both are consenting adults there should be no problem. Great story and thank you.

Yeesh. Another writer that writes in present tense. Quit doing that! I stopped reading after the 4th paragraph.

A beautiful, unusual story, very creatively told. You have to be more vigilant in terms of spelling and grammar - I was distracted from the story at several points by the misspellings. That being said, it was a lovely story, with interesting characters. I was touched by David's story about meeting Tina, and the relationship between David and Katrina was well drawn. Congratulations on such a good story!

This was a great story. Absolutely loved the he background and the descriptions of the wife. I hope that you will continue this story.

Super. Realistic and touching. Two people at the right time that they need each other. Can and does happen, nothing wrong with it.

Thank you for all your comments. I really do look forward to coming home and finding a new one on a story. Good or bad.

Yes, I do not use an Editor, or have someone else proof read most of my stories. I'm sorry if as one person wrote it makes it jarring to read. I do it for a reason though. By doing my very best to do it myself I improve as a writer. I can tell that I have from the first stories I wrote to the ones I'm posting now. I'm getting better at catching things, but it's a slow process to train your brain.

And mine... it's kind of warped. When you add a piss poor education to Dyslexia you get some "interestion" spellings of words. As proof the word I just miss spelled, because apparently that's how my brain thinks you spell the word 'Interesting'. Shakes head.

It's not an excuse I simply need to work harder. The only way I know to do that is to continue to post, and use your replies as My Guide to what i'm doing wrong.

The best I can do is give you the best 'stories' to read, so that it's not so jarring. Maybe even a little enjoyable.

M.S.Tarot

This is one of the best stories that I have ever read...

(The mention of Indonesia made me feel proud of my country)

Thanks... You deserve to have 7 stars

I never let misspelling or anything like that stop me from enjoying a good story. If you do not want an editor then do not use one and don't let any one tell you different. You are correct, it is a good way to help one learn by doing it on their own. Plus alot of time in so many storie's the one's saying get an editor are also adding such nasty things to their comment I say fuck em. Their is no need to be cruel in a comment, so those are the one's best left ignored. Do it your way and don't worry so much about what everyone else wants, it's your story and your pleasure, they don't like they don't have to read it, especially if some chose to be nasty about it.

I really enjoyed your story, yes there were a few typos but they did not detract from it. I would suggest you find a proof reader just to appease the ones who have to pick at every little error.

daytymer

First time I have cried reading a story in a long time and at 70 years old it felt really good to read a story that made the tears fall. To say I enjoyed your story would be an understatement to say the least. I will look for more of your stories in the future as I know in my heart that what you write will be very good and like the others your spelling did not bother me at all ~~ as it just shows that we are all human and should enjoy the moment.!*

Thank you again.

JAG

The ending with the happy ending made the story fantastic for me.

The storyline was very good, and brought out sympathy for David for losing his wife, but it still had him find another to love.

A very warm and loving read.

Thanks

This is truly incredible writing. It's a beautiful story.

The word is spelled "College" not "Collage"!

Thank you so much.

Your craftsmanship in telling wonderful tales is supreme.

Just wish I had your talent.

this could have been a good story IF you had thrown out your EGO and used a good editor and if you had finished it. this needs several more chapters to tell what happens when he moves out does she go with him? do the parents find out they are having sex? does she get pregnant? does she go to college? the best writers on this site ALL USE EDITORS GET SMART AND START USING ONE NOW AND HAVE THEM REWRITE YOUR EXISTING STORIES ALSO.

If I had an Ego about my writing I would be using the best Editor I could find or pay for. I don't use one so I can improve on my own work. I need to learn what I'm doing wrong as a writer. The words I'm struggling with.

A lot of the best writers on the site.... are editors.

Having talked to people who have published enough of their own writings to do it for a living the one thing I have been constantly told is you have to be able to give an Editor a finished product that is as near flawless as 'you' can make it.

Not as the editor's team of proof reader can double and triple check it...you.

I have the courage to write badly in the hopes that in doing so I will improve with every story I write till one day I'm writing those perfectly flawless stories you so badly crave.

Tell me where I'm making my mistakes. Don't just say needs an editor. That phrase does nothing more than maybe make me shake my head.

M.S.Tarot

This is probably the most senstively written story that I haave had the pleasure to read so far. It seems that women have a gentle, loving type of insight in human relations that is reflected in their writting. I'd be surprised if you are a guy, but no matter. Yes you have some typos and mispellings but so what. Could a reader make corrections and somehow inform you so you could make the changes? Just asking. Is this a true story? Does it continue?

Keep up the good work.

If you're so damn good, then write your own stories you arrogant son of a bitch. Until then, go fuck yourself

Just dissolved at your wondrous tale again.

To the anonymous nit pickers I say "use your imagination to decide whether collage should be college." You 'anons' obviously don't have enough imagination or ability otherwise I am sure you would get your hands off your doodles and create a good tale yourselves.

I have read and loved many of your stories and you are a gifted writer. Don't let ANONS ruin your day. You are pretty close to perfect now as far as doing your own editing. Keep it up. You are on track to become of one of THE PREMIER WRITERS on this site. As a personal request: I bought into this wonderful story line and would like to see another chapter in their lives.

IMHO, Willy

and like others you've published here, subtle and yet raunchy. That's not the easiest balancing act, but you manage it with apparent ease. And that makes your stories hot. The spelling can always be fixed. But storytellers like you are rare. It's a gift which you share generously with us. The edits you need to square the writing away are simply mechanics. Nobody could teach you to be a better writer, since you already have the storytelling gene. No. Had I the time, I'd consider it a privilege, and a learning experience. Thank you for sharing your heart so openly.

if you were to find an editor it would be even better.

MoogPlayer, you're the arrogant sonofabitch.

MSTarot (if I may), as to your dyslexia, I am moderately dsylexic, which for the most part I have overcome the dynamics of the disabling aspects of the aflection. For many years I read at least one to two pages each day of dictionaries and encyclopedias; any word that I don't understand or am not sure about the spelling I reach for my 1976 version of Webster's Dictionary, which is about two feet from my right elbow. My son has a major case of dyslexia--reading, grasping, interpretation and expressing--which is where most common sense comes from and he lacks drastically in this area; however, his IQ is off the charts for all other brain functions--he was giving piano recitals after two piano lessons, reprogrammed his first computer to double the capacity within the first 30 days of owning it, both the piano recital and computer when he was about fifteen years old. Sadly he still avoids reading and discussions of things outside his realm of knowledge, but he successfully from scratch build his own business with about 30 employees by age 26 yers old. Dyslexia is a difficult issue to deal with, especially with people, even family, that don't understand how devestating is to one's psyche and interpersonal communications! I know exactly where you come from in that arena.

This story is so fucking lovely, and heart warming that I had tears for the love of Katrina and David (sister and brother); though this story is fiction those character's love for each other is so heart-wrenchingly beautiful it makes my heart want to break! For the beauty of the feelings and compassion, tender and true love it takes my breath away. David's deceased wife also is a very sad affair, but life does go on and the living have to deal with it in their own way; my impression David has done that and is successful prepared to move on with his sister, Katrina. Too late for Tina, but David's parents have come to understand where her heart was, his parents seem to have atoned for the bad feelinsg they once had for their deceased daughter-in-law.

In my opinion, to prove to yourself and others, you should tackle this story with at least one sequel/chapters, maybe even two; at least you have a "yard stick" (Heart Strings Ch. 01) to measure your continuing success and growth as a writer and the improvement in your dyslexic short-comings. You have an unbelieveable and uncanny ability to write incest with this story as proof! Whether one agrees or disagees with incest (my first love in fiction), this story is an all-time grandios, gigantic and most elegant true love story of epic proportions. You deserve all the accolades and praises you get, many times over!!

if you REALLY cared about your stories and the readers enjoyment you would use a good editor. your reason for not using one sounds fake you can learn just as much or more by using an editor because they will be telling you what is wrong and how to fix it. this also reads like it should be chapter two of three or four it deffinetly needs more. the background and character development were weak and the plot needs work and like 90% of the writers here you left us hanging which is neer acceptable.

Talk about someone needing an editor? If you are going to criticize someone for their editing then maybe you should pay attention to how you edit your own comment. At least know how to capitalize at the beginning of sentences and know how to spell "never".

Screw all the people complaining. Your purpose,was to tell a story. You did. Very, very well. Is it perfect? No. Was it pleasurable to read? Yes. You have a gift for storytelling. Just do that and let others get bogged down in the bullshit and you will do, just fine. Thanks for the story. I teared up several times and went back to re-read sections, just because they made me feel something. Good work.

Great story, it could use some polish sure, but it's still a great story. Don't let idiots like the anonymous a few back get you down. Remember, those that can't do, criticize.

I just read "Taking the place of" and I was hoping you had more stories that showed that much love and wow, how is it possible that your writing is so heart warming? The way you manage to capture the Love between them is . . . wow :)

I look forward reading more brother/sister stories from you.

Don't know if I am allowed to comment twice, but then I have read this story far more than once.

I see a few carry ons about spelling, oh well I was too wrapped in the lyricism of the story to even notice.

Guess I failed 'Spelling 101' or whatever.

Needs more chapters though. Thanks

...I thought, "Gee, Lots of errors in here. I pushed thru it as the title intrigued me. So glad I did. Naked and playing the cello. Loved it.

This was a really heartfelt story that I enjoyed a lot. Very different to the norm with a brilliant back story and brother/sister relationship.

Unique, although it barely qualifies as a sex story. I personally don't think a little bit of incest should relegate a story here, overall theme should count as well. But those are the rules. Typos, yes. Spelling is a basic skill in writing. David's attitude, while it lead him to do good works, also seems to have a little self -hate in it. I find it a little unsettling,and perhaps a little self -destructive.

Such feeling!

Such passion!

Probably the best story i ever read!

So there are errors of spelling, tense and number here and there, sometimes confusing, sometimes adding humor; yet the feeling of this narrative is so great and so positive that it is one of the best on this site - scores be damned! I can only wonder how things turned out - unless MSTarot wants to let us know in a sequel. Fine job -- even though...

A beautifully written tale that left me wanting more. Thoughtful throughout, so much so that the lack of a full consumation became uninportant due to the loving sentiments. I know that you don't usually do follow ups but this one deserves it, especially if you can keep the same passion and sentiment simmering away. One of your best MSTarot!

wish more ppl could realize that...

Such feeling, Such passion, One of the best story i ever read!

//sweden

I forgot my words... I just...its... Amazing.

-from java with love-

not enough background or character development and no end all equal a subpar story. if you add a second chapter to tell how they continue and if the parents find out then it might be passable, as is it fails big time.

This story was warm, loving, insightful, and delightful. Yes, there are spelling mistakes, and some people might have found them jarring or distracting, but I knew readily enough what the author was saying, so it was no more than a very minor niggle. At least the author acknowledged said mistakes, and has admitted that he's hopeful of improving his writing by understanding the mistakes he's made, and taking that understanding forward as part of his generally upward improvement; just so he's aware, though; none of those minor mistakes destroyed the flow of the story, nor did they disrupt the mood and the gentle tone of the story, so well done him.

Beautiful story and beautifully written. This is one of the best I've read here. Written with such emotion, passion and romance that I teared up, smiled and got touched by your story. I would really like to see how they lived happily ever after with another chapter, but if not Thank You for what you do . What a wonderful story.

Beautifully written. I'm left yearning to read more of the story of this brother and his sister.

Great story with good character depth. Very loving and detailed but i have to say this one could have used an editor. Lots of missing letters or wrong words used, not to mention punctuation. It makes the story a bit harder to read but didn't detract too much from the content, which I thought was great. This story could benefit from a second chapter where they possibly move in together or something to continue their love.

Katrina mentioned that she was inspired by a cellist named Tina Guo.I went to YouTube and discovered that this is a real musician, and she is awesome.

(please)

Best story ive read so far, i almost cry at the dinner part.

Had it not been for all the typos and homonyms/misspellings, I would have rated this five stars, rather than four. Please consider using an editor so your talent can be enjoyed to the extent is should be!

for an amazing story, also thank you for "sort of" introducing me to Tina Guo's music, found her on youtube, and cant stop listening... just amazing...

If you write about college you should be able to spell it. That was the most annoying spelling error I noticed in your story:

collage - college

For your sake, I hope you haven't gone to college that would be embarrassing.

Like a few of your other stories this ends very abruptly, it serves as a very unfulfilling ending.

The aftermath is just as interesting in my opinion, and that is what is missing.

""

"Have I ever told you how I met Tina?" I ask her. That Dad is there is almost irrelevant to me just then. "It was when I was at collage."

""

Buhahaha!! You get it, right?? Guess he skipped english comp classes, heh ;)

""

"Tina always had a saying, she picked up somewhere. Today is the god's gift to us, which is why we call it 'the present'. She would want to be remembered yes but not like that. Not with soul tearing tears of loss. For the sake of her memory I try to live in the god's gift." I shrug. "I try at least."

""

...that is pretty awesome. :)

""

"I don't know if I want to do that. I've hear it doesn't taste good." She quirks her mouth and gives me a slow lick.

""

Betcha wont mind his tongue in your pussy lapping away though, lol. Those damn double standards! ;)

""

I lick the whole length of her tasting the sweet smoky flavor of her.

""

I think thats the first time Ive ever heard anyone besides myself describe it as smoky flavored!

""

"Oh not in the least. If you felt anymore wonderful I would never let you stop. I...I'm not on the pill. Mom wouldn't let me. She said it would encourage me to have sex unprotected."

""

Thats the most retarded thing I think Ive ever heard in my whole fucking life! Lol. Im surprised she didnt go on the pill anyway!

...oh wait...what the hell... Thats the end? No part two?! Awww man, wtf! Damn...

Finally a really damned good story and someone axe-murdered the author and we don't get the freaking ending! Argh!!

Please look up the difference between there and they're. Then use the proper term.

Thank-you. For me, (not, fore me or four me) poor grammar can destroy a wonderful story.

Fav part was when he dropped the bomb on them about his real situation and Tina.

Least favorite part was the consistent wrong words, misspellings and grammar. Like woah dude, reread your story or something.

Good story though. 4/5

Nice story that evokes deep feelings and sympathies. The comments that focus on the errors make a valid point but the criticism should come after thanking you for an excellent and unusual story.

Lovely gentle sibling incest story. A second chapter would nice following them as David moves out to his own place and Katrina goes with him.

If here is one criticism with the story, and this general moan applies to all authors, is that I wouldn't want to know who or how many other sexual partners the woman I was about to make love to had. Why do authors insist on their characters telling each other how many sexual partners they have had or who took their virginity.

Hope you'll be able to correct these and perhaps have someone proofread your work before you post it.

Page 1:

throws of pleasure. => Throes of passion

I'm in awed at => I'm in awe of OR I'm awed by

I grins "You were absolutely wonderful tonight my dear. I am so going to embarrass you Monday at school." => He grins and says "You were absolutely wonderful tonight my dear. I am so going to embarrass you Monday at school."

Few lines down: "Well hun that was absolutely the etc => "Well hun, that was absolutely the etc.

There are plenty more missed commas but that one in particular caught my eye.

Page two:

been teaching english too => been teaching English to. What is it about Americans that you can't discern the difference between two, to and too? They are totally different words! Please don't tell me that I'm going to read threw where you meant through. Please spare me that..

Onwards...

I can rally feel=> really feel

peeks => peaks

waisted => wasted.

carrying the tray of cup. => I dunno, cups maybe?

Page three:

Their lazy people => they're lazy people

giver her apiece => give her a piece

days adventure => day's adventure

collage => college

a lot of since => a lot of sense. Wow, you really know how to break the mood. Those things are JARRING to anal retentives like me!

she her shrug? You haven't even read your own story before clicking submit, did you?

Oh heck, I give up

Thank you for this beautiful and heartwarming tale. David and Katrina were such gentle souls and their story was likewise gentle and pleasing. I know I'll be returning to it again and again.

He is a WIMP and does absolutely nothing for betterment of society. It's people like him that encourage the suppression of people by their governments and regulations so they stay poor.

Personally i thought it was a great story. There were spelling mistakes but we all make those, what annoys me more is the people who pick at a story for whatever reason and then post a nasty comment, usually anonymously as they dont have the balls to let people know who they are.

I hope you do keep writing and please take some encouragement from the positive comments.

I would give you 8 out of 5 if possible, always have enjoyed your stories immensly...

I loved the entire buildup of the plot. Please expand the chapters, I would love to read more about David and Katrina as their lives develop as they continue making sweet music together!

Great story!!

Nice tale but, and don't take this the wrong way, get someone to read the story and correct the (numerous, I'm afraid) mistakes. They do distract from the flow - I don't know about others but I have to stop and figure out what was meant and what the right spelling might be. You can get others who will edit your writing on this site and, believe me, it does help.

Lexi

It's a powerfully beautiful story. Unlike any other I've read here. Someone's thinking things that almost no one else thinks about. Sex takes a second place. That's fine. No complaints from me.

A number of minor typos could use proofreader, editor. But they don't really matter. The story is wonderful. I'm just sad it ended before being finished.

5 stars, easily

I gave the story 5 stars because it is so warm and tender. None of the usual, oh but incest is illegal crap. I thank you for that. And as everyone has already told you, your spelling is terrible! I am NOT trying to make fun of you. Somehow, some way you never had a chance to learn some things.It could be many reasons, not your fault. So here is one to learn, next story I will give you another.

Lose = the opposite of win.

Loose= the opposite of tight. This is the word you needed when David was looking for clothes to wear to the concert. Because he had lost weight old clothes were loose on him.

Again, I am not trying to be a jerk. I think maybe you had a less than perfect childhood and missed some school. If you are never taught you cannot learn. I hope we are still friends.

Al

outstanding. What Mother would say NO to her daughter wanting birth control pills when the "mistake" result is a baby? Dumb and Mom is rather dumb and needs an attitude adjustment.

I agree

Only one fault: It is too short.

Loved the story.

Nice one, man.

I love the story.

I concur with others regarding using the correct words, and for ending stories too soon. This is one of several that I’ve read that the ending seemed rushed.

Overall, you are an amazing story teller. Please continue to to write and share your creations.

The ending was unsatisfactorily abrupt. I did, however, enjoy the story tremendously. You did an excellent job telling the story of Tina and David; however, it seemed barely enough, I wanted more.

Wonderful story, would like to see more like this one.

This is wonderful. Thank you for writing it.