All Comments on 'Hello Mr. Robinson Pt. 03'

... though you might want to make a couple more passes when proofreading next time. Henry turned into Tim then back to Henry and a couple other hiccups.

I swore i found all of those... i will be more careful in the future... sorry everybody

Please keep up this storyline. I really enjoy what you write about and how you write it!

Please say there's more to this story!!!

The next installment is set in Washington D.C. as Greg plays the go between guy between the White House, Pentagon and Numenor.

Definitely a great story. But no idea who TIM is, or who Kitty was. Cat and Henry on the other hand...

Stufflike that just feels like somebody copy/pasted a story.

You still have huge plot holes. Almost zero background on any of these people except descriptions from chapter one. You barely through in rhea explaining at the very end and it was weak at best. Having read your recipe series that was much tighter than what im reading now. Granted you had him fall for the cop before he came together with the person he had the most interest in but barely fixed that later in the long run. You need an editor or someone better than who you may already have. After chapter one of mr robinson everything needs massive plot revisions.

I will have to take more time between hospital and doctor visits to work harder on fleshing out characters and plot. I know you are trying to help but I have few good days anymore. I do this as a distraction. Thanks again. LB

Like others I find the lapses of names confusing.A bit of proof reading would do wonders.

is too fast. The plot and the genre is all over the place. Everything begins as usual drama, then BANG - mind control by some chemical. BANG - science fiction. BANG - FBI and bad guys...

Seriously, set the priorities right and DON"T try to cram everything in to one tale.

if you read the stories in order it all makes sense as this takes place in an already developed world.

You went from a harem story that lead to incest, and now we're suddenly in a Sci-Fi Drama. What happened to the rest of the girls? Where are Dawn, Kelly and her mom Asuna, Kira, and Tina? And how are none of them pregnant yet? There was no mention at all of birth control. This is rather confusing...

As the preceding comment stated, what happened to this story? It's like one writer started it and another writer continued it but didn't want to write that story and just switched genre. You had the premise, characters, location and relationships from chapter one and by chapter 3 the only thing the same is the title. You seem to sweep aside great swathes of information as unimportant in order to just tell the story that you're interested in rather than what the reader might need or want to know. A glaring example of this would be after they completed Project Blink and Greg is told to take a month off. You then announce that he took a month off and went to a bunch of exotic locales. 'Get that outta the way as it's not important to the Sci-Fi story-line'. Wouldn't that have been a good place to slow the story pacing, get some explanation to a lot of the jargon and changing dynamics resolved? Maybe get some 'sexy-time' in?

I don't know, it's just confusing to me, you started off with a story about a 9 to 5er divorced dad with his 18 year old daughter and her friends planning to seduce him and it just went off on a tangent without warning. When it went sideways during chapter 2 I thought I'd go with it to see what you had planned but by the end of this chapter the story just isn't recognisable and I'm having a hard time reading it.

Anyway, I quite enjoy your writing although I think you need to take the time to expand/explain things a little more as too many things are taken at face value by your characters. And if you start a story, try not to totally change it after a chapter or so as you may as well have just started a new story.

.... if there is such a thing as re-incarnation, then I want to come back to this world as Greg Robinson.

What a wonderful life he is living at the moment !

Rapier

Your characters names keep changing. Henry to Tim and back to Henry. Catherine to Cat then, without warning, "kitty."

you need some serious editing and proof reading.

Otherwise it's a good story. Although I have to agree with this going off on a sci-fi tangent.