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Click here"What's wrong?"
"Nothing... It's just... you have a... very cute... butt."
"Thanks I guess."
"Don't worry, we're almost done." She tried reaching to his inner thighs, "Sweetie I'm going to need you to relax your legs."
Mike slowly relaxed his legs, and allowed Julie to spread them apart. It was then she caught of a view of his package. His testicles looked very inviting to touch. She wanted to finger the balls and feel their texture but knew that she couldn't. And then her eyes were captured by the enlarged member that looked ready to explode. The head was glistening and she could only imagine what it would be like to taste it.
"Julie?"
"Oh yeah." She placed her fingers in his inner thigh and started rotating them counter clockwise, but her eyes were focused at his cock. Slowly, she moved up her hands up a bit. When she got almost to his butt she saw his penis twitch slightly.
"Julie... Julie... Julie... stop please," Mike begged but Julie she just continued massaging. The pressure had built up and he could no longer hold it in and exploded. His penis pumped multiple times and each time a thick white stream shot out. By the time he was done, he had soaked Julie's hands completely. "I'm sorry, I tried holding it."
Julie was speechless and kept staring at his penis. She noticed her hands that were covered in his seed. "Oh wow, sweetie..."
"I'm sorry Julie, I couldn't help it."
"Oh, don't worry sweetie it's ok. Let me just get some kleenex and clean us up. Don't move." Julie knew that if she made a big deal out of it, she would embarrass Mike and would never be able to work with him again. She ran to the living room and came back with a box of kleenex. She took out a few of pieces of tissue paper and wiped her hands first. Then she grabbed a couple more and started wiping his thighs. She started from the top and worked her way in.
"You don't have to do it, I can clean myself up."
"Don't worry sweetie, I'll take care of you. Now get up please."
Mike slowly stood and sat on the table. Julie walked in front of him and knelt down. She took the phallus in her hand and it started to grow again. "Wow, sweetie."
"I am sorry," he gave her an apologetic smile.
"No, sweetie. I mean this is very impressive." And she continued to wipe him off. Mike tried to lower his embarrassment by staring up at the ceiling. "Okay sweetie, you're all cleaned up. Why don't you get dressed and we'll grab a drink." She squeezed the tip, "That's a loaded weapon you got there," she teased him.
Mike got off the table and slowly started to put his clothes back on. He felt embarrassed and ashamed. Julie had asked him for help and he ended up ruining the night by ejaculating in her hands. He didn't know how he would face Julie again. But on the other hand, it was the greatest feeling he had ever felt. It was the first time he had been naked in front of a girl and it was the closest experience to a sexual encounter he ever had.
When he was dressed, he walked out of the room and saw Julie sitting on the couch holding a couple cans of beer.
"Join me for a drink," she offered.
Mike knew that he couldn't ruin the evening even more, so instead of locking himself in his room for the rest of the night, he agreed to join her. He felt a bit more comfortable with his clothes back on, "Hey, I'm sorry about what happened back then."
"Don't worry about it," she replied while handing him the beer.
Mike took the drink and sat right next to her. After a small moment of awkward silence he asked, "So where do we go from here? Should I find another place?"
"Don't be silly," she giggled. "Didn't you enjoy it?"
"Yeah... but...," he had started to get nervous again.
"I bet your past girlfriends loved that about you."
"I never had a girlfriend," he confessed.
"You're kidding," she tried to comfort him. "You're such a nice guy and you're incredibly sweet."
"Thanks, but I was never very popular."
"Well, if I knew you in high school I would have loved to go out with you," she leaned closer and kissed on the cheek.
Mike blushed, "Thanks."
The two finished their drinks and decided to go to bed. Before closing the door to her room Julie asked, "You wanna help me again tomorrow?"
"Are you serious?"
"Yeah. You were a great client and that was great... feedback." She gave Mike a mischievous smile and closed the door.
- COMMENTS
Anonymousalmost 8 years agoI loved the story overall and how it innocently unfolded. I'm usually a big fan of first person stories because it "puts" me into the story, but really enjoyed this one. I can't wait until the continuation...
Anonymousover 9 years agoThis was a great story, very sweet but it had nice tension and buildup. Would love a continuation!
malloysteralmost 10 years agoYour story was good. There were a few times when you left out certain words that an editor would have caught. Also, it seemed like you could have been more descriptive in how your characters were positioned. After the orgasm, you said something that made me think that he was on his butt instead of on his belly. There should never be a question about the characters position, especially when he is getting a massage. But good work - keep it up.
Anonymousabout 12 years ago"He didn't have a 6-pack or bulging biceps but he wasn't obese either. He was at content with his body image."
Looks like a small edit was needed. "He was content with his body image."
1. Suggest you find stories that you like, and think about what it is you like about them. The authors I've liked best have had so much STORY in their work. Neal Stephenson comes to mind. Little or none of it looks perfunctory; it's full of so many small, interesting observations. Unlike so many TV stories, where drama seems to be ramped up simply for the purpose of making us feel emotions and drawing us in, as an obvious technique, his always draw me in, in a very personal way. When you talk with a good friend, you're probably very interesting and engaging. Your personality probably comes through, and your friend wants to be with you. Imagine if you were reading something to colleagues; have you ever noticed how people put on this voice and pace of reading that sounds NOTHING like their normal way of talking? Some people write like that. I think I might be talking about voice, as used in writing. The more of YOU in your writing, the more YOU find what you're saying compelling and interesting, the better your story will be.
So, in this story, you tell me a lot of things I really don't care about. As I read the beginning, I see a lot of kind of boring details that don't really interest me. Filler, maybe. Somewhat necessary, to frame the story. But, not interesting. It also looks like that part wasn't all that interesting to write. All of that could be replaced by a shorter sketch of the situation, but in a way that you're interested in writing. For instance, you write a little about his father talking to him, but it's not a vividly imagined detail, so it does absolutely nothing to me to read that. Much of that section reads that way.
Also, more imagination. I don't believe this happened, and I don't believe it *could* happen, this way. You want a mix of drama, of things that interest people - so they have to interest YOU - and some semblance of reality; it needs to be at least vaguely believable. Some things that we read strike us as being full of truth, even though they're fiction.
"...the device in his pants... " Is that how YOU think of a penis? Does that get you hot? It doesn't get me hot to think that my penis is a device. Ok, imagine somebody uses a word for vagina that has no juice or power to it. Device is like that.
Dialog; It should read the way people naturally talk. It should be distinctive to the personality you're describing.
Your story gets better as it goes along. The dialog gets better, and you spend less time on unimportant details. She's a bit forward, and it's hard to believe she'd be all over him in a towel, or SO comfortable with him having an erection when he first turns over. And, I'm thinking, he's not so likely to be willing to turn over and let his erection be so visible. I don't know about other guys, but I'd be quite shy about that, in that kind of circumstance. My experience is, women aren't THAT nonchalant in that kind of situation. What would YOUR reaction be? I don't ask for my titillation; I'm saying it should be a bit more realistic. But, she DOES have an emotional reaction as she goes along, which reads as being more genuine. I like to think that she can't take her eyes off of it, that she attracted and disturbed at the same time.
I like her trying to get him naked, but I really doubt that inner, upper thighs are part of a normal massage. Yes, it's a fantasy, but some realism is needed, too.
I've talked about what didn't work for me; what does work is, it IS erotic. I DO like to think of some slightly older, more experienced, good looking woman wanting to get me naked. I'm thinking that women WOULD like the innocence of an attractive younger man. As a man, I like to find out what truly does it for women. Given that we seem to like sex so much more than most women, and that women seem SO much more critical of men, it's great to think that women actually do like it.
I DO like her getting cum all over her hands, but I'm thinking how erect penises point towards the upper part of the body, and I can't see how that could happen, unless she was massaging his lower stomach. But her main concern, after getting him naked, and massaging him until he comes is, he might not let her practice again? That's not what she would be thinking. She *politely* holds his penis to clean it off? Nah. She'd either be INTO it, or she wouldn't touch him. There'd be no concerned politeness about it, with the ultimate goal being to practice more massage.
She comes across as very sweet. I liked that about her. What also worked is that, because of your writing, I do have ideas about her. I have ideas about him, too. That's all good. But, they might be a little one dimensional. Nobody's ALL one way; people are more complicated than that. That's part of what makes people interesting.
Have you ever been with somebody when you could tell that s/he very much wanted sex. When you want sex, are you all sweetness and light? Write that from your feelings; it will be more passionate, and more compelling.
I apologize that this comes across as overly critical. It got much better as it went along, with very few boring details that I didn't want to read. I got a feeling for him, and for her. There were very nice, sexy things about it. I would enjoy reading more of your work. I do think, if you stick with it, and work on more realism and well-imagined, provocative details, you could get much better.
But, again, notice what you like about other good writers. I've seen a few in here that seemed like talented naturals. I don't know how they do it, but I think that paying attention to people like that will teach you things.
I just noticed; I assume you are a woman. I think that's because Julie was completely the aggressor. So, my advice to you to write from your feelings very probably doesn't work. In that case, you'd need to write from your experiences, along with your fantasies, about what women seemed to be feeling when they've been with you.
Thank you. I hope I haven't horribly offended you.
Anonymousabout 12 years agoLook forward to reading part 2 but please check grammer etc. otherwise really good job Thanks
Anonymousabout 12 years agoSweet story. Just needs some tweaking that proofreading would fix. I would like to read more about these two.
