by KathrynMacKenzie
If you could turn this literary effort into a video, you'd have a great lesbian training film. The guy was just sorta there for a change of pace, but I sure wouldn't mind being him!
There was a lot of erotic detail, which I enjoyed. However, I thought there were passages where the intricate details about each sexual position sort of overpowered the eroticism. A good beginning, though.
You need to settle on a point of view. The random switching between characters is just confusing. You write well, and the situation is compelling, but pick one character to tell the story.
The story was not complete you need to finish it. LeRoy