All Comments on 'Her Heart, His Prey Ch. 03'

Glad to see next chapter. It seems to be coming along quite nicely. Only reason I couldn't give a full 5 stars was because of detail issues. Her car, rain, stuff like that. And wasn't David the pack's doctor? Super happy to be the first to read and comment. Loving the plot, just needs a bit of editing to keep track of details. Can't wait for chapter 4! ;-)<3

I am just confused about how David only realized her sister is his mate at their wedding? Did he never meet the sister before or smell her on Marlow?

I have the same question as anonymous #1? why didn't David notice sooner that Charlotte was his mate? Was he hiding it; only to expose the truth at the worst possible time? If he was guarding both of them wouldn't it have been better for him to get involved with Charlotte in the first place? This is a glaring inconsistency in an otherwise very good story. I hope you will clear this up in later chapters.

I was going to mention it in the next chapter when Cassian and Marlow actually get a chance to talk, but Marlow and Charlotte didn't live together because Charlotte went away to college, so they had never met before.

I told you not everything was going to be answered, but I can see why it would confuse you all so I apologize.

Hi! I really like your story! Please go on! I love cassian and I am eager to reading some more!

way too much happened in this chapter and it felt rushed. I think you could have made 2 or 3 chapters out of all this drama.

I'd like to see Marlow really take everything in and process the new information. It's been one big event after the other, one revelation after another. Her reactions are good for moving to story along but not very realistic given the chronological time of the story. I'd like to see the other characters give her more space and realize that this is all a bit much for a human. Kidnapping and imprisonment isn't a good way to start a relationship- mating pull or not.

Take your time with the next chapter and really delve into the thought processes and emotional reactions of your protagonists. That would greatly improve the story.

Thank you for writing!

I can't stand Charlotte. What kind of sister makes out with her sister's fiance on the night of their wedding rehearsal dinner?! As if that wasn't enough, she invites you to spend the week in her apartment and you bring your boyfriend, her ex, into said apartment to have sex. When your sister comes in bloody and hurt, it isn't you trying to help her, but the ex. Then when she tells the ex to leave you opt to leave with him, while leaving your injured sister alone. To make matters worse, it sounds like this b*%^$ has the nerve to try to act like she has something to be upset with her sister about after being turned!

Please tell me something really nasty is going to happen to this chick, or that Marlow discovers that they don't share any DNA and therefore can deliver a much deserved beat down to this travesty of a female.

I'm getting into the story, but something needs to happen to this Charlotte person or Marlow needs to kick this sorry excuse for a sibling to the curb, because she is acting more like Marlow's enemy, not her sister.

I really love this story.

Its great how you are writing it and I totally understand about being patient.

But can you please get to the sex. This emotional stuff is starting to drag on.

Why is her car parked in front of the manor when the vampire hallucination scares her off the property? Why is there any car parked there and she has the keyes? Why doesn anyone stop the car when she leaves the premises when this f...ing wolf den has security personnel..

An interesting story, but I strongly encourage you to be less sloppy in your plotting. To me this whole scene where she flees in the car sounded so illogical, surreal and like a dream sequence that I was quite baffled when it turned out that it had actually happened. Would be good if you rewrote that whole portion to make more sense.

What about her broken arm?

It urgently needs a plaster cast now for several chapters. And washing hair with a broken arm, with only one hand, quite hard to accomplish....

Please submit more, this story is AWESOME!

Great story really enjoying it...but how did her car get there?

That arm seems to get an awful lot of use for being broken, maybe some expaination in the story, just a couple of loose ends...

I understand how some things may or may not make sense or there are loose ends, such as her car and her arm... I am very aware of them and they will be addressed (she will also be sitting Cassian down for a serious talking to/ demanding answers). Thank you for your time and your comments.

Please continue with the story. It has a good heginning and but cliff-hangers are so frustrating.

Love this story so far and looking forward to the next chapter.

I kept waiting for this to improve, but so far, nada... I don't get how so many people have favored it. I am, however, a bit stubborn and therefore will wait a couple more chapters before making my final decision.

PLEASE MORE!!!!

CAnt wait for the next one

. . . You to update this story with the next chapter! There are obviously some readers who do not appreciate this story, but do not let their opinions discourage your progress. If you have writer's block, ask yourself what you want from this story. Hope you get some time away from reality to complete the next chapter. Best Wishes!

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Don't listen to the haters, please keep writing!! I want to know what happens next so badly!!

Great story so far, yes there are some confusing parts as if it was rushed but other than that great start. Can't wait for the next chapter so that it can all be explained.

When do you think the next chapter will be out?

One of the best, hope to see more soon

This is a great chapter keep it up and have them all as long as this chapter please. Fond wishes Alisonne.

This chapter is fantastic do moooooooorrrreeee. Pleaaaaassssssssssse. :)

Please keep on writing it is so good so far and make them all as long as this chapter thank you.

I see that its been a few months since you updated this story. I hope you do continue with it. I am dying to see what the sister has to say about her being mated to the alfa's son.

Great work, don't stop.

I'm really trying everyone. I've been trying so hard to write and to get it to all of you, but with school and with my family life practically falling apart, I've found myself at a bit of an impasse. It's not fair to ask you all to wait so long for the next part, nor is it fair for me to beat myself up about not continuing this, but I promise you it will come to me (and to you when I figure out my life and my story).

I appreciate all the criticism, good and bad. I don't believe anyone should be forced to enjoy my story. I'm not a perfect writer, and my story is jumpy, I understand (it's killing me inside as well), but I am first and foremost an amateur writer, and people seem to want the story in its perfection. I'm sorry, but I can't give you that (at least not without an editor and a lot more free time than I find myself with).

But to all of you who seem to have faith in me I thank you. I thank you so, incredibly much. It's you all who make me want to write, and to believe in my story and my characters.And I really need people to believe in me right now.

Hugs and Kisses

-Siren

Question: How did Cassian get to Marlow's car while she was driving away? Did he take a vehicle? Did he run after her as a wolf?

Lord have mercy! Your word choice tells a great deal about your lack of understanding the vocabulary you're attempting.

"Austerely"

"Profligate"

"Lout"

Just off the top of my head and just from this chapter. All used incorrectly, all with definitions that somewhat, almost, kind of mean something close to what I think you're trying to say but since they aren't the right word they simply stop the reader entirely.