by Sandman8314
For the future chapters(?) learn the proper slang terms; IT'S 'CUM/CUMMING' for semen/orgasm NOT repeat NOT 'come' such minor issues wreck stories easily and fast. Also cut out all the frequent improper use of 'word ... word' and long strings of characters that don't form words.
Says you, Anonymous, hiding your identity. I use slang when it suits my purpose, and English when it doesn't. "Proper slang" is an oxymoron. Slang by definition is improper usage. And my dotted pauses do exactly what I intend them to do. Don't try to teach your grandfather to suck eggs.
But if that's how you react to criticism, it certainly ain't gonna get any better.
I do wish your chapters were just a touch longer with maybe just a tiny explanation of why, when and what made them decide to make this happen and why it was with him.
Good story though! ;-)
BTW the most recent 'anonymous' kind of annoyed me. I'd say I'm sorry you have to deal with that, but you've probably already made your peace with the 'critics' that come with the courage to publish. Don't get a big head though, I'm just saying what I hope you are capable of, not praising your intense wisdom! :-D
And yes I use the term 'bastard' in the classical Australian sense as a term of sympathy and even respect, amongst other things.
I read a story like yours and lament I did not crack it like your hero.
Damned good job.