All Comments on 'His Best Gift Ever'

Your grammar is just plain awful.

it was a great start just keep it up

That's how much of this crap I could stand to read.

Utter crap, written by a semi-literate 12 year-old.

I read the whole thing but it hurt.

Please don't publish anything more until

you can pass a basic 2nd grade English

exam please....

Your story needs some work .They have editors on this site that can and will help you. Don't get discouraged .If you really want to write use all of the benefits on the site .Not a bad first try. Good luck and keep writing .Don't let comments get you down .

If English is your first language, you seriously need help. If it's not your first language, I understand, but get some help. The story is so poorly written with so many mistakes, it's hard to follow along nd stay interested. This was just horrible. Sorry--but I gotta keep it real.

Like the other people were saying your spelling needs work, after a couple

of sentences I lost intrest completely.

In your own language and in your own country.

The story is exciting, but the lack of English grammar holds the English-speaking reader back from absorbing it. As others said, get an editor. He/she will quickly fix up the story for easy reading.

As for Anonymous saying publish this in your own country, that's just bigotry. I have published this comment as Anonymous to avoid my account being flamed.

Over all the story is good . It just needs a little polish . I am looking forward to the next part of the story

Really??

Listen to the tool that says it's bigotry to tell someone to write in their own language and country. What a fucking tool.

I get so tired of the babies who take offense to offensive comments. Don't read them, you twat. Personally, I find them as hilarious as some of the junk posted as stories on here.

Seriously, some people just can't stand opposing opinions. I call those types Nazi's (U.S.A. Democrats and socialists)..... people that get offended at everything and try to shut down opposing views. Fucking flakes.

Total waste of time, throw your computer in the trash and never write again!

Seriously, what a total wanker you are.

"Seriously, some people just can't stand opposing opinions. I call those types Nazi's (U.S.A. Democrats and socialists)..... people that get offended at everything and try to shut down opposing views. Fucking flakes."

You want to know the best way to improve your writings? And this comes from one serious writer to a writer that's...trying. You need to read in the subject you want to write. But not the fool's stories...the good ones. The ones with built characters and plot...now no since this is an erotica story on a sex website, you don't need book development but some would really benefit you. And your language you use here...this is not going to appeal to many with grammar school level language.

Obviously written by someone for whom English is not the primary language. Why did no one tell this person to get an editor?

The story didn't flow all that well and the English was spotty. Keep writing and most of all, reading. You will get better. You might also try visualising your characters and actually think of them as real. They then have personalities and substance which makes them more EROTIC. I am sure you will be better with subsequent tales.

What you have here is one of the most insanely idiotic things i've ever read. At no point in your rambling incoherent weak story line were you even close to anything that could have been considered erotic. Everyone on literotica is now dumber for having skimmed through it. I award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul.

my sister and me live alone( So why did she say lock the door,lock the door,the boogie man ? !)

the whole thing was disjointed and very hard to read,you went straight from being a pantie sniffer to her giving you a gift of you fucking her,without any indication she had hots for you

i could go on and on but already gave to much of time on this story

i will say you have a good idea but just try and make more sense when writing or use an editor

You're getting 1st honors? Your school must throw out anyone with grades above 45. Please give up the idea of writing anything until you've learned a foreign language...like English.

Number 1 No where Story!

I want to give this a big, fat ZERO!

waste of time

I didn't even make it passed the first paragraph.... I'm sure you enjoyed yourself writing it.... But there were so many grammatical errors in the first three sentences I just gave up. Nice try, but I hope next time you have a friend, who is proficient in written English (it's a lot harder than most people think), go through it with you so you can convey a readable story.

I liked the story it's okay if there are errors just enjoy writing!

Jackass effort

really bad

It was alright up until the panty stains thing, that was just disgusting.

Even I could rewrite this story and make it significantly better

Special

""

"Darius, before you go, I would like to tell you something." she said as she turned her view towards me "Since you're graduating as a first honor, I'm going to give you a gift later, a gift that you will never forget."

""

Remedial english grammar lessons? Heh.

""

"Wait, where's the gift you told me?" I asked as fast as I could. Hoping it would be a PS4 or a PS3 or something else that I can use.

""

...is he as retarded as the author? Rofl. Gawd this is bad!!

Oook, that was officially the worst story Ive ever read. The writing was so bad that I think a few English teachers silently committed hari-kari while weeping.

Sorry i try not to be critical of people work as they've taken the time and effort to write something and share it on here but there's so many grammar errors in here that it makes it very difficult to read. Would strongly recommend that you get someone to help and proof read for you.

I couldn't even make it past the first couple sentences. It's really difficult to get into a story when I keep getting caught ever other word by grammatical errors. I'm not dissuading you from writing; if you enjoy doing it, then continue. I do seriously suggest an editor before you post anything for the public to read though.

Mostly ignore the grammar police. I think you told the story very well. You would need an editor to get published, but you’ve made a great start.

No need to continue this, it stands on its own. I’d be interested in how you handle the threesome.

5*

Tc