All Comments on 'His Room'

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A great start with just enough drama to make it really life-like. The characters are interesting and the backstory established their thinking patterns as well as their view on things at present. I knew something big & bad was bound to happen when tyler saw the look in his caters eyes. Therefore I love it how Frank & Melissa hit it off and came to be so easy-going on the two young ones.

Speaking of the young ones, they are a special in lots of ways. Tyler was true to his every word spoken to Daisy, respected her fathers wish 'till the end, stood fro her, card for her and above all stayed madly in love with her. Daisy on the other hand does love him, maybe a bit too much for her own good, wants the best for him, even encouraged him to get the "practice" for their first time beforehand, but in the end still thinks she's not good enough for him just because they're step-siblings now. If her thinking was on the right path everyone else would support her but that's not the case. Tyler obviously doesn't care, parents obviously don't see anything wrong with that logic, there were enough opportunities to separate or stop them and no-one even tried. Step siblings can marry and live together in many countries around the world without any problem, she should have done some study on that before making such life changing decisions. Screw what others think, most of all the media!

Still I loved her apprehension of the situation and her being in awe of his accomplishments as well as physique, it gives the story credibility.

And I bet that once those 3 weeks are over they'll be happily married!

I gave this 5* as it was a very enjoyable read that his just the right sports for me and there is more of it to be look forward to.

She's not on birth control so all he has to do is pump his cum into her and keep pumping it into her until she has his baby in her belly. He won't give her a choice about marrying him.

When I was a young man, I had an absolutely beautiful black girlfriend. She had a spectacular body that, when she walked by, groups of men would stop talking and just stare at her incredible ass and perfect tits. I was a very experienced, well hung stud with exceptional control of my cum reflex so I was always able to fuck her to three or for orgasms before I unloaded and filled her hot, cummy pussy with my special elixir. She was a truly nice girl... not a nigger in the least... just black... and what made everything perfect was that we really loved each other. We'd been together for almost three months when one of her white girlfriends hit on me, right in front of her. I'd never seen Bert go off on anyone before until she turned to her 'friend', got in her face and said, "Don't you mess with my man." I was so proud of her. Her friend backed off like a kicked dog. It was obvious that the dumb bitch was too stupid to realize that Bert and I were a couple.

But then... within a week, Bert disappeared... just vanished. I didn't see or hear from her or about her for almost four months until I saw another girlfriend of hers who told me that the dumb bitch who'd hit on me had told her mother that Bert was fucking a white boy and Bert's mother, a racist NIGGER, had beaten the living shit out of Bert and locked her in her room for two months, scared the living hell out of her, threatening to beat her even worse and lock her up for a full year if she ever heard of her being with a white man again. I didn't see Bert again until three years later. I was with a girl who I found out had gone to school with her.. a girl that I was then married to. Bert saw that we were together and backed off but we both felt the same way. If I'd known what I found out a few months later, I'd have dumped the bitch on the spot and taken Bert home with me. I never saw Bert again but I've never forgotten her. That was 43 yrs. ago. I hope she had a good life. I'll always wish it had been with me. .... lost because of her trouble making cunt 'friend' and her racist nigger mother.

5 stars. Recently needs to going.

Why were the two families living together at the beginning?

Sex and romance, always a great combination.

And I like cheesiness. :-)

They weren't living together in the beginning. They were visiting the Josephs' household. I'll take that more as a reflection on my writing itself. I'll try to make things more clear in chapters to come.

Very nice prelude as you let it grow into only you know right now in the chapters upcoming. Keep writting and if you need help in editing or what ever their are people hre ot help as i am also one of those volunteers. Look forward to the next chapter

Love the story and Yes the Cheesiness was Very Good. Now for the rest of the Story like her following him to College.

but there are a lot of plot holes and things that don't really jive, like you talk about them in the beginning as though they are five, playing with Hulk action figures, him being mad she is a girl but then you say they are 14... You also say the popular girls tells her friends to go play on the swings but these are highschool freshman...the details you include are not indicative of the ages you've mentioned. It honestly just don't seem consistent.

anyone worth paying attention to will happily provide their names. I think you are doing fine so far. I gave you Five Stars and hope you will finish your story in the same fine fashion that you've started it.

I have a friend who used to post on this site and provided us with about a hundred really fine stories. If some of these self-appointed literary critics became too nasty with her, she would not hesitate to tell them about themselves.

Keep up the good work!

I tried to make it seem like he was remembering their first meeting. They've been friends since they were children, but at the beginning of the story Tyler was 14 and Daisy was 11. And as for the whole playground thing... Well, I still played at a playground when I was fourteen (it was nice to have a quiet place to swing and be with my thoughts - I don't care how old you are. Swings are always fun... Unless you get dizzy easily.). My little sister and her best friend still collect this brand of Barbie doll called "Monster High", and they're both starting to be in their early teens. I don't know where you live, but where I'm from it's okay for kids to hold on to their childhood for a little while longer. Also, Daisy's a bit immature and introverted. I thought having her still love animation throughout her life and play with action figures as she's approaching her teen years would reflect that. I'm young myself, and in this day and age, having interest in things that are normally considered childish isn't such a huge deal anymore. If I confused you with this, then I'm sorry. I'll try to make this more clear in the future. Especially about the age thing - I should have spelled that out immediately.

I just wanted to say it's a great start. You should keep going. You to wrote your story the way you wanted. Do trust me if I didn't like what I read I wouldn't be writing to you at all. Not everyone is going to like what you will write. But it silly to see some people write a four page letter you over cliche or what ever. I like your story and you can keep going because I can't wait to read what he does to get his wonan. I will say this make it a little longer than 2 page. Some stories I have read sometime doesn't give the person reading enough information on back story and present story line because they push all of it together. I'm not this this is you because you gave a lot of information on there back story history. I just like longer stories. The idea some one has always loved you for ever from the beginning of time I love. Even if the story line or character change. So keep going and I can't wait to read more

Ok it's been a month, where is the rest? I really like it so far and would love could continue to read about their journey

Just sent in a new chapter of "His Room". Should be up in a few days. ;-)