Hitting the Bottom Ch. 10

"If you ever hurt my sister, I am going to kill you." he says quietly, and I know he means it.

I nod. "Yes, sir."

After another painful squeeze he lets my hand go, then turns and marches to the door. My voice reaches him just before he gets there.

"Lucas -"

He stops and half-turns to look at me.

"I know you're going to talk to your folks about me. But - would you please not tell them yet - about Sandra?"

Lucas considers me for a moment, and then nods. "Okay. That's not my news to tell, anyway. But I am going to speak with Sandra about it - about everything."

I swallow, and nod. "Yeah. That's - that's fair enough. Thank you, Lucas."

Mutely, he turns and lets himself out and closes it softly behind him. Hearing it click, I exhale loudly and mumble a low curse, then sink back onto the sofa.

Lucas revelations still swirl in my mind. Sandra's sister had had a severe depression. She'd tried to kill her baby and herself. Yet her family had apparently gathered around her to help her heal. They had embraced her.

But then, she's their flesh and blood. I'm not. They don't owe me anything. Would they be willing to extend the same grace and compassion to me, a total stranger? Would they take that risk at the expense of one of their own?

And how would they feel if they'd known about her pregnancy? I trust Lucas won't tell, not just yet, but sooner or later they'll know. Will that somehow sway their opinion, one way or the other?

I don't know.

I need some help to figure this one out. I'm not sure how to even approach them. Lucas had caught me unawares and I'd given it my best shot, but now that he's gone, I am starting to second-guess myself.

I need someone who'd be good with the whole family dynamics shit. Someone who can give me the perspective I sorely lack.

I need Jon and Annie.

***

I ring the doorbell at the Leonidas' a few minutes after nine in the evening. Annie opens the door on my second ring. She stands there for a moment, scanning me up and down, taking in the changes in my appearance before meeting my eyes. I know I look healthier. I've regained some of my weight, and had got another haircut that better covers the scar at the back of my head. I've been sleeping well, so the dark bags under my eyes are gone. And yet her close scrutiny makes me feel naked and vulnerable, fervently wishing for a passing grade.

It comes in the shape of a wide smile that spreads across her face, warming her bright green eyes.

"It's so good to see you, Dan. I'm so glad you called! Come on in, please."

She holds her arms open in obvious invitation and naturally returns my tentative hug and kiss-on-both-cheeks, as if these last few months had never been; as if we're back to normal. Her friendly welcome jars me. Even after her help with setting up my website, even though Jon had reassured me on the phone earlier that Annie would love to have me over, it still somehow feels - strange. Wrong, almost.

She's Naomi's best friend. She's not supposed to forgive me.

Unaware of my inner turmoil - or maybe ignoring it - Annie turns and starts crossing their spacious living room towards the French doors that take up most of the back.

"We'll sit out on the back porch so that we can talk without disturbing the kids." she offers by way of explanation over her shoulder, and I mumble an 'okay' as I follow her, closing the window screen behind me, but leaving the glass open to let the cool autumn air in.

"Thanks," she says, and points me to one of the low, cushioned chairs. "Have a seat. I'll be right back."

"Wait - where's Jon?" I ask, surprised.

"Oh, he's still reading the kids their bedtime stories. He'll join us soon. Now, beer or coffee?"

"Beer, please."

"Coming right up." Annie turns and walks back inside, and then returns a moment later carrying three beer bottles, not worrying with glasses, which makes me smile. These are Jon and Annie, my friends. I've always felt at home here. Placing one bottle on the table for Jon, she hands me another, and then clinks it with her own in a silent cheers before sitting across from me and taking a small sip.

"You're looking good."

It is said as a statement, not a question, and I nod. "Thanks. I'm - better." And then, before I lose my courage, I ask - "How's Naomi?"

To my surprise, Annie smiles and answers easily. "She's good. Really good actually." Then she gives me that knowing look of hers, the one that sees right through my defenses. "You sure you wanna hear this, Dan?"

I gulp. She has good news about Naomi. Her tone alone is enough to tell me that. But then I know they probably involve that new Dom of hers; I can see it in Annie's eyes, in the undercurrent of concern there. Concern for me.

It's not unfounded, of course. I'm not by any means indifferent to hearing her news; my gut tightens as I brace myself for her words. But at the same time, a strange sense of relief fills me. Whatever it is, it's good. Naomi is good. Which means, whatever it is, I can take it.

"Tell me, please."

Annie nods slowly, watching me closely, and after a moment's consideration she answers.

"She'd just moved in together with Rye." Annie says gently, as if trying to soften the blow with her tone. But if either one of us had expected me to explode like I did when she'd first told me about Naomi and Rye, my reaction this time is decidedly underwhelming. I simply nod, not trusting my voice, as my lungs and throat feel constricted by the swell of bittersweet emotions.

It's serious between them, then. She truly had moved on.

And yet, even as I re-live the pain of losing Naomi, it seems distant, somehow. Just an echo of past trauma, a phantom pain coming back to visit an old wound, hurting enough to steal my breath momentarily, but no longer debilitating.

It doesn't overwhelm me anymore. It is, much like Dr. Pappas had promised, manageable.

Annie watches me curiously, and when I keep quiet, she adds - "she sounds happy, Dan. Truly happy. I think - I think she's stronger than any one of us had given her credit for. And Rye -" she stops, smiles to herself, and then continues. "He's a good man, Dan. And I think - I think he can give her what she needs."

Now it is my turn to look at Annie questioningly. "How would you know that?"

Annie shrugs, and answers so quietly I need to lean close to hear her words. "I - I know him. Kind of, anyways. And I know her."

I shake my head, trying to follow. "What do you mean, you know him? You've never met the man."

"Er - I did, actually. I'd known him for years, in fact." At my gasp, she rushes on - "Back when we were kids - he was my gymnastics coach. Well, our gymnastics coach - Naomi, too - but she'd only trained with him for a couple of years. Me, it was more like eight, and I'd also worked as his assistant coach as a teenager. So, I know him pretty well."

There's this strange tingling sensation somewhere in the back of my head, as dormant neurons wake up and fire, bringing forth distant memories. But it takes another moment for all the pieces to fall into place, suddenly revealing the full, breathtaking picture. I inhale shakily.

"Rye - he was her gymnastics coach?"

Annie's affirmation comes as a mumbled 'mm-hmm', but it's enough.

"That is -" I shake my head in dazed disbelief, then meet Annie's gaze. "She'd told me about him, you know."

Annie chokes on her beer, and then goes into a fit of coughs, until finally she manages - "What?! When?"

"When we'd just started exploring D/s, a million years ago. I'd asked her how she'd imagined the power exchange to work, what kind of Dom she'd fantasized about. In reply, she told me all about her gymnastics coach."

Annie just stares at me, dumbstruck. I chuckle humorlessly.

"Yeah. Crazy, huh? Anyways, she told me she'd been playing him in her mind a lot. She dreamed him to be the perfect Dom - someone she'd literally trust with her life, who would instruct her how and what to do with her body to please him. Someone who'd set goals for her and make her work for them, who would expect obedience and respect, but would use positive reaffirmation and praise just as often as he would corrections..."

My voice trails off as Annie and I stare at each other, and I notice her flushed cheeks, as if embarrassed - or maybe turned on? - by my words. But she keeps her focus on me, nonetheless.

"Yeah, well..." She coughs again, and shakes her head. "I can't believe she'd told you about him... she never mentioned him to me for all those years. But then you must understand, when I say it's like it was meant to be. That they were destined to be together, eventually."

"Who were?" Jon's voice startles us both as he opens the screen door and then shuts it behind him, moving to join Annie on the loveseat across from me.

"Naomi and Rye." I answer, surprised at how naturally their names roll together off my tongue.

Yeah. Imagine that. Entirely manageable.

Returning to Annie, I answer with a question of my own, though. "How did they get together, then?" the next thought churns my gut, and I force it out tersely. "Had they somehow kept in touch over the years?"

Annie shakes her head. "No. I'd met Rye by chance on the flight over to New York, and had mentioned it to Naomi when I saw her the next morning. She shocked me when she started crying, told me she'd had this thing for him forever. And then she made me help her track him down so that she could go and hit on him. Which, by the way, she did a fabulous job of."

Annie smiles ruefully and looks up into Jon's eyes, and there's something going back and forth between them, some silent communication that I cannot decipher. Jon gives her this level stare, his face not grim exactly, but... resolute. And Annie - she seems to melt a little under it, her lips parting in a soft gasp, which Jon catches with a quick, decisive kiss before drawing back and giving her an affirming nod. She blushes and tucks her face into the crook of his neck, and Jon turns back to me, one eyebrow raised, as if challenging me to comment on their public display of affection.

I ignore his bait. I'd seen these two make out before, way hotter and heavier than just now, in fact. While the dynamics in that little exchange had clearly been different - intriguingly so, admittedly - I'm not here to catch up on their love life. Nor, even, on Naomi's, for that matter.

"Well, good for her. And you." I half-smile as I nod in their general direction, letting them know I'd noticed, but then I turn somber again. "Guys, I need your help."

Jon sits up straighter, growing serious at my tone. "What's up, man?"

Damn. Should I be telling them this - this secret? Is it even mine to tell? I'd already revealed it to Dr. Pappas - with Sandra's blessing - but then Lucas figured it out, which I'm sure she won't be too happy about. Would Sandra hate me for telling Jon and Annie, too?

I wish I'd asked her first. But I'm here already. And while she'd have every right to be upset, I hope Sandra sees how necessary it is for me to talk to my friends about this. I clear my throat.

"Sandra's pregnant."

Their matching gasps are downright comical, but I'm too anxious to smile. "Her brother knows. He also knows about - about me. He gave a good impression of you, Jon, trying to smash my face; luckily I ducked this time."

Jon and Annie still stare at me, trying to process. I shrug and continue. "Anyways, I figured I need to talk to her family, sooner rather than later. But I have zero experience in these kind of things, so I thought I'd ask you guys for some pointers. Any suggestions?"

For a long while they're both at a loss for words, staring back and forth between me and each other. Then Annie clears her throat, and asks:

"This - this isn't planned, I gather?"

I chuckle without humor. "No - even I am not that crazy". Then I add - "But being 'unplanned' doesn't mean it's 'unwanted'. I want this baby, and I want Sandra. I want us to be a family."

Annie nods, and Jon exhales loudly. "Yeah, well, If I were her dad - or her brother - man, I'd totally kill you. I'd say going old-school is probably the only way to go."

Annie hums in agreement. "I think so, too. Have you guys agreed on a date yet? It may be better if you asked her mother to help. You know, engage her with the details, get her more quickly on your side..."

Annie stops abruptly when she sees my expression, and Jon, who was watching her as she spoke, catches on a moment later. His face darkens into a disapproving scowl.

"You haven't asked her?!" Annie's question ends so high, it's almost a shriek.

I put my hands up as if to push them back. "I - it's not like that. I want Sandra to keep the baby. I told her that. But she said she wasn't sure... she's still considering her options."

Jon shakes his head as if having trouble keeping up. Annie purses her lips and gives me a no-nonsense look.

"That is not what I asked. Let me repeat that: have you asked Sandra to marry you?"

I swallow hard. "I told her I love her. I told her I wanted her and the baby in my life, always..."

Annie scolds at me. "Man, that bump on the head must have really gotten a couple of screws loose."

"I - what?!" I stare at her, truly at a loss.

Annie gives me the kind of look one would bestow on the less fortunate, and explains slowly, as if speaking to a five-year-old: "When a woman tells you she's pregnant, and you don't propose, what do you think she understands?"

My belly drops. "But - but I love her. She knows. I told her."

"She also knows you haven't asked her to marry you. Which must mean, you don't want to. Actions speak way louder than words, Dan."

My lips feel numb, as all the blood had drained from my face. "But - but I do. I do want to marry Sandra. As God is my witness, I do."

Annie's face softens, and her voice is gentle even as she keeps pushing. "Why haven't you asked her then, Dan? Why haven't proposed to her?"

I look down at my hands, and find them shaking in my lap. My throat is thick with emotion as the answer rises inside me, clear and bright as day, although I cannot say it out loud over the lump that blocks my vocal chords.

Because I'm not worthy. I'm not good enough for her.

Annie moves as if to come over to sit next to me, but Jon's hand on her shoulder stops her and she sits back down, looking questioningly into his face. He just shakes his head curtly, and then turns his eyes back to me.

"Whatever bullshit excuse you have to that, Dan, let me tell you: that's all it is. A bullshit excuse. Now the way I see it, this is really simple: you get a woman pregnant, you marry her. Then, you spend the rest of your life taking care of her and of your children. Seeing as you also happen to love this woman, this should be even simpler."

I swear I can hear my own father's voice ringing through my best friend's words, and I know that, for once, he's right.

Problem is, I'm not sure how Sandra would take it.

Then again, there's only one way for me to find out.

Raising my eyes to meet my best friend's stare, I nod slowly. "What time do the banks open tomorrow morning, do you know?"

He quirks his head, but answers. "Eight thirty a.m. Why?"

I clear my throat. "I - I'll need to get my mother's ring out of the safe deposit box."

Annie squeals and claps her hands before covering her mouth, belatedly realizing she could wake the kids up, and Jon smiles at me. "Yeah, that would be a good idea."

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