All Comments on 'Holy Shit Ch. 03: Redo'

So it's all good to me. I liked to old ending, and I like the new ending, if for differing reasons.

BUT I gotta know...where can I find 'Coming Home'?! Please do yell!

Really enjoy all your stories. I liked both chapter 3's. I agree with the previous comment, you have to tell us where we can find Coming Home!

I'm with the previous two. Both endings were good. I may even like the first one better. I don't get why people complained. And I also would like to know where to find Coming Home.

If any of you are curious about where to get my story "Coming Home", let me know via the 'contact' tab on my member page and provide your e-mail address. I will provide the location that way as I doubt the powers that be at Literotica would appreciate my naming their competition.

dezurtdawg

DesurtDawg,

I never had an issue with bringing in Dad in the original 3rd chapter. However, I did think you didn't do it very well. You pulled him out of the hat too late in the story and in the middle of an orgy. Adding new characters in the middle of an orgy almost always backfires.

Also, as someone else already said, you had already made it clear that Dad was a loser in bed. Which was also part of the reason why Mom fell for Ron. Your old ending ignored that. An author needs to stick to established facts, otherwise a reader gets annoyed.

Had you involved Dad earlier and more consistently, and not characterized him as an inadequate lover, I think no one would have minded the ending.

That said, I like both versions of the story. But I do think it's not good to keep both versions up. You should decide which version YOU like and remove the other.

Ignore the whiners and keep up the good work. And I fully agree on your writer's block statement. I'm stuck with mine for more than a year.

Best,

Koriander

For what it's worth I actually prefer the original ending :)

Been really enjoying your work so please do keep writting.

Too many people involved. Would rather it have stayed between brother and sister and let them be together always. Maybe mom once in awhile.

I liked the first ending better.

dezurtdawg here!

Hi guys n gals, just a quick note to let all of you know a few things.

First of all, I AM NOT DEAD........YET!

Besides my writer's block, my ticker started acting up a few years back and after way too many trips to the doctor they figured it out and prescribed meds to help with it. (My arteries are clean, just a non-correctable low expulsion factor. IF you know what that means you have my sympathy.) So I bounced from good days to bad days and the doctor helped to exacerbate that problem with constant changes to my meds. Shit!

Finally had a pacemaker implanted and, that, along with different meds seems to have stabilized things for me. So I've been slowly working on my long dormant stories. Unfortunately, while all of this went on I have forgotten my password to get onto my author's page to upload new stories that I have ready. Every time I ask for the reset password code it turns out that it won't work and thus far the help people here have been NO HELP!

So anyway, wish me luck at getting that fixed. I will try to add this note to all of my stories, or at least the last part for those that are series. Take care, all of you, and don't forget to vote!

dezurtdawg

Nicely done.

I havent read the moans about the origanal but I like it.

Nah...... Both were bad. Should have left dad out of it completely

While understandably people got upset with your initial ending, I say to them grab a computer and try writing yourself!!! It may give you more insight on developing content that readers will enjoy.

You are reading awesome stories that are FREE for your pleasure and you have absolutely no idea of how much thought and anguish went into creating the plot and all the content that followed!!!

I absolutely love your stories and still feel a writer should do a rewrite only when they feel it necessary. I feel the original ending was the best!

Thank You,

orjinal endin was better.

I agree with most, the father should have been left out entirely. Adding another kink strangled the appeal of the story. The lesson is: more is not better when it comes to kinks and dicks. You might be able to get away with it if it's "off-screen", but it's just better to avoid it altogether.

For example, we can assume that the protagonist's mother was still having sex with her husband, but we don't need to have a scene where they're having sex. Similarly, it was sufficient for Mandy to tell the protagonist that her boyfriend sucks at sex, a scene showing it is unnecessary.

The exception might be where it's an absolutely necessary part of the setup: a scene showing the father prematurely ejaculating and going to sleep, leaving the mother to get herself off. Such a sceen would show the reader how bad her sex life is instead of just putting it in a monologue.

Simply put, the father, who sucks at sex, can't add anything to a sex scene. He couldn't't please his wife, who isn't having mind blowing sex with his son as frequently as the daughter is, so how is he going to get off his daughter who is having mind blowing sex everyday with his son? It's just a nonsensical way to throw the father a pity fuck. If you wanted to do that, it would make more sense to show the father having an affair at work or while traveling out of town. It would certainly explain why he's never at home and doesn't add a meaningless kink that detracts from the rest of the story.

Should have left dad out, but since you didn’t, the original ending was better

I personally really liked both endings

Given the choice, Id have said no dad, after all, the whole reason mom let herself be bedded by Ron is because her husband was a dud in bed. Why invite a dud to join in when you have a stallion? That being said, of the 2 endings the original is better just because of the "Holy Shit" but in truth its simply the least worst. A good story with excellent writing, but the ending drops is down to 3 star