by Paul Yearwood
this story was good up until moom and dad came home and joined them u should of not included the mom and dad in the stor then i would of rated it with a 5
The parents should have NEVER been included in the story. It would have been a 5 if they were left out.
You built the bro/sis characters up so well, showing a real unique depth between them, and then changed the whole flavour of the story by adding the parental units in a shallow meaningless manner. Either one way or the other dude. Not both, ever.
man what a story I wish it was only bro and sis but I give it a 5 because it was hot
you had a good story going then you ruined it by getting the parents involved what a shame
Well, i kinda agree about the whole parent thing. Dont get me wrong it was a hot story but the parent thing kinda threw it off a little. I still gave you a 5 though. Keep up the good work. =)
Excellent story. This would be a five-star if the parents had been left out.
so many goofs first you say she has hair down to her waist then it doesn't cover her tits second first it's gloria then it's susan third you totally ruined it by getting the parents involved keep better track of what you write and keep the incest down to the two main people involved more people ruin the story especially when add late and when it is the parents this needs a good rewrite by a good writer
I have to agree, though you started losing my interest even before the parents showed up. I mean what is with the vortex and soldier analogies and the usage of man and woman for their genitalia was disturbing too. It reminded me not of erotica but of romance writers who write love scenes and don't want it to be about the sex but more about the love. It was pretty good in the beginning the build up was good, but it seemed like the brother and sister would end up being together, as a couple. I agree with the las comment. This really needs to be rewritten and probably with a better writer.
I thought the vortex stuff was werd too, but you more than madeup for it later. Good story.
why do so many writers ruin a good story by turning it from a love story into a family fuckfest
Seriously, did you just not want people requesting a continuation of the story? I can't stand it when writers do this shit. Pick one then stick with it.
For those that like that, it is OK for you, I just don't like male/male sex, especially father/
son. A little mutual masturbation when younger is OK but NOT father/son. I still gave a good rating because I don't mark down unless it is something terrible. If I don't like it I usually do not give a rating. I still gave you a five despite what I mentioned.
First part of the story was well-written, even if a bit over-done. At least it was erotic. But when the parents came home, it was all downhill from there. And Daddy sucking his cock was the last straw. Nothing sexy or erotic or romantic---just sick.
You're a fucked up bastard nigga! It was great till you brought the folks up bitch! Fuck you man. You suck a dick bi ass bitch nigga. Go to prison and get rapped dude fucker!
It was pretty horrible all the way through. First with mr. Two stroke, the kid blew his load if a fucking breeze blew across it! Pathetic! The story went downhill from there, then with the parents? I really didnt have to read further, that was a tragic addition and ending, lol. :(
This reads like several poorly written stories stolen and put together.
But where on earth can I find a sister like that so obliging!
Lovely.
The story is interesting and hot. It was interesting to watch the development. Especially when brother and sister made sex and love. What high feelings gripped him.
And then it all descended into cheap family debauchery.
Total disappointment. :(
This story has made me realise that I am not straight as i always thought but bisexual.
Thank you for the great story. 5 stars