All Comments on 'Homecoming Date'

I like having both pov. It would help the reader if you created a physical indication of the changes back and forth. Use greater spacing, bowen lines, star lines, different fonts or some such.

Thank you I will take it into cocideration for the next one.. This was my first time writing

Talk about a confusing muddle! As a previous reader said, if you're going to tell a story using both players, PLEASE separate the two. I've seen *** used or even === above the first line of the new person.

And it might be a good idea if you have a beta check spelling. Your mind may wOnder, but your hands don't - they wAnder.

Very disappointing.

Thank you for your input.. I will take it into advisement.

To the second part of your comment spell does not do to well with verb usage.. As long as you spell correctly it has a tendency to over look that little fact

For a first time post to this site, the story is very good. I am not so concerned with wonder and wander as I do understand what you are conveying. If you could find some way to distinguish the speakers more clearly that would be great, but it was understandable to read. I have one major problem with your story and that is that he enters his slave anally and then vaginally. This should never be done without cleaning after being in the back door so to speak. It is dangerous to the woman at least. It is perfectly okay to go from vaginal to anal but not from anal to vaginal. I believe you did go from vaginal to anal, but then back to vaginal, which one should never do. That I am sorry to say is my problem with your story. I know this is fantasy, but some read to educate themselves so be careful about possible health hazards, please.

Left me feeling like I was in the story! Could use a few tweaks here and there. In agreeance to the last comment I do believe that it's good to incorporate good hygiene with safe sex. This of course being a fantasy, it has no harm. Fantastic work, can't wait to read more!