All Comments on 'Homelands Pt. 02 Ch. 06'

I don't understand why he wants to bring Brie back, she is bad news.

This is one of those chapters that I had to really make sure that I understood everything that was going on because parts were a little hard to understand until I reread them.

Good chapter, and I enjoyed the read.

This story is beginning to show strong evidences of being a finely crafted piece of literature. There is no part of this series that is less than acceptable and there are many parts that border on genius. Your dialogue for example, is as good as that of any published author. You brilliantly use dialogue to tell most of the story. Allowing the characters to speak for themselves directly to the reader is a very compelling technique and tremendously empowers your dialogue. I believe that you could cross over from the porn market to the scifi/fantasy market if you slack back on the open sex (have sex but have it off stage: everyone knows it is happening but they don't see it; don't get rid of it, just mute it a little.) Elaborate more at a number of places in the story. One slack place in the story is when he is captive for thirty years in another kingdom. Develope that time as a story within a story. Surprises like the fact that Mom had devoured her own father explodes in the reader's head and further energize the story. There should be a whole world of shocking things he discovers about the older generation now that he is king. This could be the beginning of a serious scifi novel if a few adjustment are made. One thing: Don't marginalize Mom. She needs to become his Shadow and he needs to start pumping babies into her. You hinted at that at the end of this chapter. They need to get closer and closer. Keep that going. AnHoa Rifleman

Thanks for the comments, guys.

DigDaddy - The story with Tara is that Frank, who never really cared much for her anyway, gave her to Silas as part of the terms of their peace agreement.

Rifleman - You are too kind. However, I'm not sure a series that features rampant incest, portrayed in a sympathetic light, would play well with mainstream fantasy audiences, regardless of whether the sex was mostly off-screen or not. As for Ellen, we'll see plenty more of her in Part Three. :)

Best wishes,

JD

Riffleman has a good argument slight modification would give wider appeal, at this point i think of the sex scenes as battle or an assassination attempt (and could be interchanged as such. But there is strange appeal in watching the inner workings of carnal demon politics in which it does make sense that family would be the first and most trusted companions)

also

Digdaddy is right Bri is damaged goods

Hey, anon. Thanks for the feedback, and the continued interest.

Btw, while I'm only responding to your most recent comments, I have read, and very much appreciated, all of them.

Best,

JD

Why are franks family members being driven away????