by tericd
"...She was screaming incoherently and spit was flying from her mouth as she raged at me. I remained calm a collected as she vented..."
but then
"...I'm sorry for talking so nasty to you, but I have a lot of anger right now..."
I believe there is a story here somewhere but it is lost in a tangle of implausibility and haphazard writing.
This was a well written story. It's too bad that the feminazises and the girly boys comments are all negative! Keep writing and keep pissing them off, lol!
You do a great job. Cheating like this should invoke retribution, and you did so very well. This story made me feel good because a form of justice was done. My own wife will never cheat on me, and she never has, but I love the theme here.
Thank you! This is just my second 5.
I wish i could give you a higher rating. Please come back writers like you are rare and needed.
I realize that this is an old story and the author may not even see this, but I thought I would comment anyway for anyone else. There is some decent dialogue here, but not much else. The big problem is that the wife is not even a caricature. She's just a maguffin; an object that serves the plot. First, she wants to have sex with a guy because she "feels she has to do this." No explanation as to why. Is this new guy so gorgeous? Is there some problem in the marriage that she hasn't talked about? She never says; it's never explained. And without that, nothing she does makes any sense. Second, the husband doesn't press her for an answer. Excuse me? He's got spine enough to be pissed, and tell her no, but he doesn't even ask why? Then when her husband tells her that it will destroy their marriage she doesn't believe him? But she does believe her lover that his wife is okay with it, and doesn't even think to check? And then she's surprised that afterwards her husband gets a divorce? She says that she can't believe that she was that stupid. Unfortunately, neither can the reader. No one is that stupid, clueless, or so self absorbed. As I said at the top, there's some good dialogue here, so you have some writing ability. You just need to think about character more, and let plot flow from character insteead of the other way around.
How in the world does a woman hear a man say that "that will not happen, do not do this" and hear something totally different is just a bit hard to believe she's known the man for over ten years and she doesn't hear the truth in his words? This is just not believable.
written in a very simplistic style and manner and it seemed to me like I was rereading the exact same words and phrases from a hundred other loving wives story and the wife's responses were so stupid she came across as totally fake and unreal. Gave you a 3 but that was a stretch, but you have potential.
Tapes illegal, what wife who must have been mentally impaired to force such a stupid stunt.
Alienation of affection is off the books in 44 states and rarely taken seriously in the other six. When that was mentioned I lost the last of any respect for the simplistic story. Boo.
I know this was written to be funny, and it was in many places, but I would still expect our protagonist to feel a bit more grief at the loss of his mate. I can tell you from personal experience that you've got to go through it before you can move on -- regardless of "fault" or "no-fault" circumstances....
In any case, I enjoyed the story and loved the "gift" of the flattened ring at the end. Nice job telling it mostly in dialog.
In story written by anyone you don't have to worry about being LEGAL! Since you wrote the story you can do anything you want. You cry babies need to go get a cold glass of SHUT THE FUCK UP!
The story started out the husband is a man and ended up him being less than a man. He saw what she was doing he should get the film to the lawyer and divorced her not the rest.
you gotta love these keyboard cucks . They throw their little boy tantrums when a husband stands up and shows his spine ! lmao .
Squeal lil cucks , squeal like the deliverance queers you are .
Now that's a funny user name. I picked one I thought was funny but I'm not even close to your league.
elsewhere, would have been a short and boring story had I written it.
"Dear, I want to have sex with another man."
"Adios bitch. Have a good life, by which I mean die young of a painful STD."
however the others bring harmonious bliss. TK U MLJ LV NV
this ridiculous nonsense makes sense of our sexless worlds - between LW and breeeeetbart we have all we need!
unite!
tericd
I for one felt you did a great job with your plot and characters. It was great to see the wronged hubby win for once over the selfish cheaters. I wished to Christ there were more stories of this nature than all the usual wimpy cuck submissive bullshit that some contribute to this genre. Power to you, my friend!
despite everything I formerly believed to the contrary, married women are really this stupid. An aggrieved husband can warn them, promise consequences for cheating and women are really so self absorbed they ignore reality and create a reality to their liking no matter how far fetched it is. Then they are angry that the aggrieved husband follows through with the consequences he promised and feel he is to blame. Then they figure it's all his fault and live the life of a hoe loser
Don't they lock their doors in the States. He was supposed to have changed the locks but she walked in twice.
I just couldn't get into it. Once upon a time I would have eaten up a story like this like candy; stupid slut wife guts what's coming to her and the good righteous loving husband gets his dues.
But does he really? No he doesn't. Decades of his life have now been wasted on a bad investment of his wife. Sure he'll probably get some short term satisfaction in destroying the Wife's lover and getting rid of her, but in the end....was it worth it? To lose a Marriage and years of your life you invested in someone?
I used to love stories like these, just not anymore...
Maybe I'm not as angry and self rightous as I used to be. I think that's a good thing.
There were problems in this marriage LONG before she sprung this on him. No woman, even one as stupid as this wife would just suddenly one day decide that it's okay to cheat on her husband unless he had given clear indicators that he was weak and wouldn't put up a fight. She clearly no longer respected her husband, probably even held him in contempt. And since for women attraction is interlinked with respect she lost that for him too, big time.
Her interactions with her husband and her actions with her lover spell that out easily enough.
The other problem I have with this is the vague threats the husband uses in his argument with his wife. He says 'there will be consequences' but doesn't spell out what those consequences are. We the readers know he's serious and that he intends to follow-through with his threats, but even I felt his ultimatum was weak. You can't just be cryptic in a situation like this, you have to spell it out; paint in vivid details what the wife stands to lose if she crosses that line. We the readers know what he intends because the Husband actually takes action and we are there with him as he does. So we know exactly what he intends to do. But she doesn't. I suspect that if she did it would have metaphorically slapped the stupid out of her. But he didnt. It's a symbol of strength when you get specific. You show you've given it thought and have taken action to take control of the situation. That you have the WILL to follow through. Being vague as all hell, as this husband was, is yet another sign of weakness and she called him on it. Now it turned out to be the bad move on her part because he actually was serious but there is a perception of weakness which was probably the latest in a long string of perceptions of weakness on her husband's part. Hell it propagates this entire story. Lets not even get on the childish antics he uses to spoil their weekend. Why put yourself through That? Why such childish games? He had everything he needed for a slamslam dunk divorce. He should have just cut his losses and moved on. Another sign of weakness.
Yes his wife cheated. And yes he finally found his spine and stood up to her. But I get the impression this was the only time. Too little, too late, coming only towards the end.
So sad.
I know this story is 5 years old. However the pepper spray usage is way off. If you were to accidentally hit that button and spray a small amount in a room, within 30 seconds every eye in that room would be burning and people would be gagging from the fumes. After putting it on the clothing in the suitcase, letting it percolate in the hot trunk of a car, then opening it in a hotel room would be a disaster. The smell and fumes would be readily apparent. She would have never put that longerie on. I know it is a minor point it but it hurt the story for me.
what a beautiful heartwarming story where cheaters must face consequences for their actions
thank you for showing me that there are still men with balls
The only question is why didn't he tell little frankies wife and have her there at the house with hi watching the two lovebirds go to KC.
If he loved Barb he should have been more proactive to shoot down her change of life 7 year itch. We all do stupid sometimes. He only enabled that.
I loved this very well written tale! She got what was coming to her. 5-Stars!
This stuff happens. But if your partner says there will be fallout, you best be prepared. Read this story a couple times and it hits very close to home. Romeo would be cockless if it were me:) just sayin....5. The pepper spray was a was a nice touch. But other solutions could be a little more permanent.
Good job.
This story has been done to death and by much better writers. There is nothing original here. "Honey, we have to talk." All the spy equipment. Hacking here email. If you continue writing try to do something original.
Yay, a cuck free zone. A real man takes real actions against a stupid and disrespectful wife. He warned her but she was too wrapped up into herself to listen. Sorry to all you cucks out there but not really. Thanks to this author from keeping it real.
Entertaining but i wonder has anything like this really happened?. Has a wife been that naive to think she could get away with it,would like to know.
Love these stories where the husband stands up to the idiot wife who thinks he loves her enough to let her.cheat.
Nice illustration of how actions have consequences.
Good story
Just enough variety from others to be worth reading
4 stars
To answer fifteen16's question: yes a woman can really be that stupid! This happened to a friend of mine and all of our mutual friends thought NO WAY! YES WAY!! It was true. He recorded the conversation on his cell phone.
Granted, 99 out of 100 wives are not this stupid, but that 1 in 100 will destroy a weaker man. I'm glad he had the strength to survive.
Using bold and italics was a bit awkward, but the story was enjoyable. It was sad seeing the wife being so obstinate that she believed she could fuck another man and her husband would forgive her.
. . . his wife has never cheated on him and never will. Uhhh, how does he know? Is she from some Muslim country where they practice female genital mutilation, so she can’t enjoy sex at all? Is she chained up in the bedroom?
Unless he has her virtually enslaved her, he can’t know what he claims to know.
. . . that it’s obvious from the comments who has been cheated on and divorced and who hasn’t been.
...strives to entertain and, largely, it does. However, it doesn't pass the smell test for logic......Here is a woman who is willing to jeopardize, at the least or perhaps actually discard a long-term marriage for a guy who's hung like a stud mouse and fucks like a rabbit. Hadn't she the sense to take a test drive with so much at stake. Two stars.
To think you could spray it on clothing, put it in an enclosed space, and it NOT reek?
That’s as well thought out as the rest of this story.
... a prank, written by a troll, or by someone with the mental and emotional level of a 17-year-old. In my opinion, of course. It contains almost every cliché in this genre, all packed into a two-page, semi-literary classic. Of course, some will adore it. You know who you are.
...another possibility: this is satire. If this is the case, I apologize for my previous judgmental comments.
"I did think that you loved me enough to get past this." No one ever just says, "I don't." But that is the reality of it.
I wonder how many wives are really this stupid? I would hope to never meet one.
For some dam reason I like reading this story...I have to say it does entertain me... what more can I say...but I still get pissed with his wife...she stabed in right in the hart when she did it...but we don't see her getting served and how much pain she starts to go through for her actions...and we don't see Little Frankie...get the shit thrown at him...now that would make this story even better....
The only folks who would like this are the neanderthals that actually believe women are this f-ing stupid.
I read these hoping someone does one that isn't by the numbers, with a woman who has a MAGA level IQ.
The premise of the story was good....and though you intended it to be satirical or funny, there were just too many flaws in the story to be entertaining!
Barb sounds way too stupid to be believable. So does Frankie, trying to openly have an affair, but still somehow keep his wife in the dark. Not sure where the 'get out of jail free blowjob' offer came from, that threw off the rhythm of the smackdown.
ummm an editor would be my first suggestion. Also, in the real world, lawyers do not give discounts!!
Well, I liked it. Screw the rest of the critics. 5 stars .The Bear approves. Go get 'em, Tiger .
The BEAR
Loved the story. Are there really wives as stupid as Barb in the real world? 4 stars. Would have been five if you had included one more paragraph with him getting little Frankie's wife as his 2nd wife. Loved your imagination that she was a bombshell!
Not very original and several errors in grammar and word usage.
Just Average.
After commenting just a few minutes ago, I read all of the previous comments. I realized that the story was REALLY WEAK when so many comments addressed trivia like "the locks", "the blow job", "to vs. too", etc. Yes, the premise has been used to the extreme, and the writing was not very good.
"I hope we can get past this and go on." - He's already TOLD her that he CAN'T get past it.
\
Why do you make your own dialog convention (italics for her, bold for him) when there is already a standard convention that works very well?
\
"Why are you being like this?" - LOLOL!
\
She thinks being smug will help her cause?
\
"I wanted her to think about what she was jeopardizing." - Isn't it too late for that?
\
"I can't believe that you feel that way about me." - How can she not?
\
"I will do anything" - Except what I won't do!
\
"pan style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";color:windowtext'>" - You may want to fix this!
\
"Why didn't you tell me you were going to divorce me. I would have stopped." - Maybe not in those words, but only a moron couldn't see it in his words. She should have stopped because it was WRONG, not out of fear of the consequences.
\
"I won't fight it. This is all my fault. I just wish I could take it back." - Cheaters are never that reasonable. They never believe that it's there fault at all, never mind ALL their fault.
\
Loses points for lame ending. Either have him hook up with Linda, or just drop it.
LOL, @Anon's for criticizing someone's work and yet don't have the balls to write their own stories... Great story all around... 5 Stars...Enjoyed reading the story...
Please write dialogue like a normal person, by using speech marks, not bolding or putting in italics.
It's both lazy, and off-putting to read.
Points missing: 1) What happened to little Frankie? 2) Where did she go, how did his wife live? 3) Did anything eventually come from meeting Linda? #2 is the least consequential, but would've been nice, along with the others, to be in the story. And 4) I happen to agree with those that questioned your using bold for some sentences instead of question marks. Bold is mean to indicate something major, not in a discussion.
I laughed when he ordered all those things to be delivered to their room, & when asked why he didn't mention he'll divorce her if she went on that weekend; woman's too braindead to realize he shouldn't have to not only continue telling her it's so wrong, but shouldn't have to tell her he'll divorce her. Otherwise, I liked your story & happy he did tell Frank's wife. 4 stars -- Bob
Damn, wanted to hear second part!! Please write a sequel!!!! Thanks for part 1
Great BTB story, only thing this story needs is a second chapter of where it all ends. Well done 5 stars
I have a question for this author/writer, and it applies to many other authors/writers as well. As most of these stories deal with a wife who is/wants to cheat. why have the husband move out of the bedroom?
A few authors have acknowledged this fact and had the wife relocate to the guest room, most have had the husband relocate. As the wife is the cause of the problems, WHY is she not forced to relocate?
I can only guess that this author(!) has never read anything written in English before. Learn to write dialogue properly and don't write a story which has been hashed over many times before.
Nicely done! Assume little Frankie gets his. My only critic is it is hard to believe anyone could be as dumb as Barbara.
If you're too dumb or too lazy to write conventional dialogue punctuation, then please, just don't write.
Those hat have a problem with the way it was written are total academics and could not boil water. Whilst it was a novel approach I found it an easy read. Academics make me puke. Ever thought of copy and past into a word processor or even MS Text. Re size the font and size and read to hearts content. See cannot boil water.
The storey although brilliant if was reasonable. Shows how a spouse does not listen or want to listen when they are focused or have tunnel vision on one think. Oh and by the way I have learning disabilities and I am British English.
Great story about giving a cheating wife the boot without a second thought, and taking her lover out too.
Could have continued this a little longer to let us know what happened to Little Frankie
She asked, he answered. She acted, he acted. Sh got her just deserts for her actions, he got to move on and find a better class of person to grow old with. She hated the taste of what she wanted and got. He was sad but hopeful.
Hell he should be thankful, he doesn't have kids yet, he got to lose over a hundred pounds of useless shit and he has a better model to go to help them both get over what happened.
She really shouldn't bitch to much. It's the "little" things that you have to learn to appreciate. I mean hell she paid alot for it. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Stupid brain dead slut.
dude you talk to much and you say love way to much .and why kiss the whore on the forehead .
Barb wanted to fuck her co-worker, he said no. So she went ahead & did it despite repeated requests not to. He got his recording devices, etc., in proof that she's cheating. Afterwards, she expects him to work through being severely dissed & disrespected then work through it. He not only burned her, but her co-worker at the same time.
-- Barb wanted to play as much as she wanted but didn't want to pay. Everything has it's price, especially when very one sided. My only regret: story didn't lengthen a bit to tell what happened between him & Linda. Too bad.
-- Interesting & nicely written story with one huge thing. In discussions, don't use bold print for anything except the extraordinary. That's why there's punctuation for talking, discussions, etc. 4 stars Bob
If the house was joint owned he could not kick her out. She deserved what she got. Why should he say he will divorce her he warned her and that should have been enough.
Words never spoken by a cheating wife: "I won't fight it. This is all my fault. I just wish I could take it back."
Do you fucktards really believe that writing consists of reading a whole bunch of stories that are all about the same thing, and then making your own version that’s virtually identical? Goddamn, save your money and buy a clue.
And try thinking about your characters as people, and not as dialogue generators. Use your head for something besides a hat rack.
If you can't write dialogue, as shitty as it is, don't write fiction. Why would you format a story like this? It reads like a script without any blocking.
2 stars - The only thing good about this story is the divorce. There are just too many holes in the plot and very sad dialog - people do not normally talk like that. Where was the screaming, the heart wrenching feelings that needed to be expressed, - soo many things missing in this story?
completely unreadable, why the stupid font choices other than to disguise poor dialogue ?
I wish writers would learn more about the legal system and how divorce and things like legal activities work. Seeing how the husband pre planted video in a hotel previously and got no consent, right there his evidence is getting tossed. Also he is probably getting arrested as how many people stayed in the room prior to his wife, didn't matter if he didn't record until the wife showed up. This is poorly written fantasy where the husband doesn't get fucked like in 90 percent of actual divorces across America. Also work on your dialogue and flow
Guys get married, to have a steady supply of sex. This is the truth. Women get married, because they need a place to stay, and they have decided the guy will be a decent provider. If you get married at 25, the guy will be in heaven for maybe 5 years. Then assuming they have developed a close bond, the next 10-15 years are spent getting ahead at work, and raising a family. By the time wifey gets to be an empty nester( let’s assume 45-50) she is not to far away, from experiencing menopause, and drying up. Any men who are actively seeking to get remarried, are looking for a younger model. She can probably still get laid, but any guy who has the means to marry her, is not going to assume the risk, with such little reward. It is usually, a big shock to them. Reality sucks!
Great Story, Great Writing. 5 stars to the writer! There are a zillion stories like this where we read about the Husbands revenge. How come we haven't ever read about a husband saying "Ok with me, go have fun. See you when you get back" and see what happens then? That might be interesting. I might do that myself. LOL thanks
Hard to read. Dialogue like this misses the non-visuals of two people interacting.
If you're going to BTB why give her half the house when you sell? It's your house or you couldn't jick her out.
One of the few that doesn't have the lover be a hung stud. She doesn't get hit with the Martian ray gun either so a fresh take on the story.
It needed an Epilog, it's not a BTB unless they get burned (not just divorced)
Kinda mild overall, but I gave it five stars anyway.
To evelzonbie a few months ago. He planted the cameras the day before their reservation. There were no other guests in that time.
JPB