by oneiria
I thought this was well written, but it honestly felt unfinished to me. If you've dealt with "eroticants" in your other stories before, then forgive me - but if not, I think a little more information about them would really help to give weight to this story.
As it stands it's hard to get involved in any of the characters or what happens to them; it just moves from one snap-quick scene to the next, with no emotional link between them. (But maybe that was your intention with this particular tale?)
Still, that's just my opinion :) I do like the overall story, and the twist at the end - although, again, it could have had more impact.